How do I say no to a best friend that asked me to stand up in a wedding?

Question

One of my best friends asked me to stand up in her wedding. Out of haste and excitement, I accepted. I've already bought the dress and the wedding is in Novemeber. The problem is, I cannot afford it. It is in the Carribean. I am a single mother, with one job, I am going through an expensive custody battle and cannot afford a week in the carribean, a cash gift at the wedding, the gift at the shower, and all of the other expenses that come along with it. I know that the groomsmen have not all been picked out yet. At least three, which gives me some room. I really wanted to be a part of her day, but, I just cannot afford it. What are my options? She is one of my greatest friends.

Answer 1

You just have to be honest.  If she really is as good a friend as you think, then she'll understand.  The best thing you can do is be sweet, be kind, and be honest about it.

Answer 2

Oh, you poor thing, I am going through something similar right now with one of my best friends who's getting married in Puerto Rico next year.  It is so hard to have to tell someone so important to you that you can't afford to be there on their wedding day, but you have so many good reasons why you can't afford it, I'm sure she'll understand.  Since the groomsmen haven't all been picked yet, she could maybe just have her fiance go with one less, so the party will be even in your abscence, or you could give her back the dress and have her choose a new bridesmaid with your same build and body type.  Either way, since she's your best friend, I know she'll understand.  Whatever you do, though, don't mention the expenses of the cash gift and shower gift to her when you're citing your reasons for not being able to afford it.  It will make her feel bad.

Answer 3

Tell her the truth.  Its a very understandable reason.  Tell her that you want so much to be there but given the current situation you can not afford it.  That you want to help her plan everything but going to the wedding and helping throw parties just isnt in your budget at this time.  Promise to be there for her and tell her how much you want to be there.  If she is a good friend she should understand compleatly.

Answer 4

You need to have a frank discussion with her now, before the wedding gets closer:

"Sally, I was so honored and excited that you asked me to be a part of your wedding that I said yes without really thinking about the time and cost. I hate to do this, because you're one of my greatest friends, but I really can't afford the financial cost of being part of the wedding party. I'm so sorry, and I hope you understand."

Answer 5

As the first person wrote, tell her exactly what you wrote here. A wedding is can be a beautiful event to be a part of, but you should not attend at the risk of putting yourself into alot of unnecessary debt - which you might end up resenting her for later.

Answer 6

Tough situation. Along with everyone else I think you should tell her soon. She will understand and I will tell you why.

- She (and her fiance) are the ones who choose to have a destination wedding. With this decision they had to understand that not everyone on the guest list friends and family alike will be able to make it

- Maybe you and some other people close to the couple that cant make it can throw a small party (hopefully not to expensive) when the couple returns. This way you can still be involved in the celebration

- This is your friends wedding day. I am sure she wants you there but with or without you it is her special day and hopefully nothing will ruin that for her. She will understand

- Nothing ever goes perfect in the life of wedding planning. This may not even be her biggest bump in the road. She just deserves to know the situation now so she can act on it.

Good Luck. I wish I was rich and I could sponsor you trip down there!

Answer 7

Just tell her everything you told us, leaving out the gift part like the person above said. She may decide to pay your way for all you know-you are her best friend after all. Just buy her something cheap but meaningful, and wish her all the best. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

Answer 8

Couples that do Destination Weddings know (should know) that not everyone can attend.... I'm sure she, being your best friend, will understand that the financial strain will be too much, and that you really would like to attend, you just can't.

I'm so sorry you can't be with you on your friend's special day, but, even though she'll miss you, I'm sure she'll understand....

Answer 9

Just explain to her that while you would love to be apart of her wedding, you simply cannot afford it. If she is a good friend (or at least someone who understands basic finances) she will understand.

Answer 10

exactly what you just typed here is what you should tell her.  Its perfect and she should understand...

Answer 11

Tell her AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Call her up and tell her that due to your financial situation, it is impossible for your to travel. Be honest and tell her soon. Do not wait until the very last minute.

The bride will appreciate your honesty and timeliness. With ample notice, she will be able to make appropriate arrangements. Offer your dress to her and tell her that another BM can use it. Tell her that you are very happy for her and that you wish you could attend, and that you hop[e for her understanding.

Good luck

PS/ A Bm of mine is in a similar situation as yours and refuses to either accept or decline the RSVP. We are a few weeks before the wedding and she's mum about it. I do not appreciate her silence.

Answer 12

Tell her you really would love to be in her wedding, but finances are killing you. She might offer to foot the bill. Gifts can be fudged, a pair of underwear from Victorias secret wrapped in some ribbon and tissue paper---$10.

One of my girls is in a rough spot and i offered to buy her dress and jewelry.

You said yes, i think you should try your hardest to be there, just ask her for some financial help.

Answer 13

I agree with thunder2 just tell her what you just said and she will understand , I know I would! good luck!