How do I say politely that I don't want someone to attend my wedding shower?

Question

Here is the issue:

My FH's brother's girlfriend is a real a$*hole. She is very mean and outspoken and doesn't like me. But, my FH's mom is close with her and his mom and his sister (who is also my bridesmaid) will be attending the shower. How do I tell them politely that I would rather her not attend because I don't want to be stressed out and I don't feel comfortable when she is around?

Understandably, she is not my FH's mom's kid so she wouldn't totally be offended, but they are very close.

I don't know how to say it and I don't want to cause problems but I will be absolutely miserable if I have to see her face at my wedding shower.

Answer 1

If his Mother is so close to her have a chat with her. Tell her your concerns and fears and see what she says. If she is willing to talk to the gf and tell her 'behave or be gone' then it's on her shoulders. If Mom thinks the girl won't listen the tell her nicely that you don't think you can tolerate her there, that she won't be on the invitation list and please don't bring her along. That's the only way I can see that you have to make your feelings known to the person who would have the most influence with this gal.

Answer 2

This is a no win situation. Take your pick..invite her or do not invite her.

Answer 3

Do what you feel is needed... i would totally tell someone i don't want them there.

I'm not even inviting my father to my wedding because he's an a..hole, and i don't want the drama there, and it's your party and you deserve to be stress free.

Just tell them how you feel about it.

Answer 4

Look, it is your day and no one else's so just say how you feel let them know that she is not welcome on that day.

Answer 5

You should give each individual a written invitation to the shower; in the precense of this woman (among others) whom you do not want attending, make sure to emphasize that if one does not receive an invitation that that person is not welcome at the shower. It's that simple..unless, of course, you speak to the woman in question in-person and make it clear to her that she is not welcome at the wedding shower.

Answer 6

Your MOH or someone else should be planning the shower. You could have her do it first. Make sure she does invitation with "by invitation only" on them. However, with really pushy people, even that doesn't always work. Someone may drag her along.

So I think you will have to suck it up and tell someone or several of them that you do not want her attending. I'd go with his sister who is also a bridesmaid. Make sure they know you are uncomfortable with her around and she stresses you out.

This is your shower. It's not about his mom and who she likes. The woman is just your fiance's brother's girlfriend - not wife.

Answer 7

is it really all that big a deal? unless she's a total jerk most people will conduct themselves properly during a gathering like this. Especially since you're the guest of honor. If someone does something to insult you (which I doubt) you realize everyone at this gathering will thereafter treat her like she has the plague.

So how tough can it be? Bear with it for this occasion and assuming she'll be at the wedding that'll be the last time you'll ever have to have contact with her unless it's on your terms.

Congrats by the way.

Answer 8

You could try saying that you dont really feel that close to her, and would rather the shower just be a small group of close family and your friends.

Answer 9

send out invites and on them put by invitation only, that way ur telling the family not to bring or invite her. cause if u feel that way about her chances are she feels that way about u!!

Answer 10

I understand you don't like her, but it would be a bit rude if you don't invite her.  Your FMIL is close to her and she might feel offended if you don't invite her.   Also, how serious is this relationship between your FH's brother and this girl?   Will they eventually get married?  If so, she'll be your sister in law.   If they are that close, you need to invite her.   She could be a future in law someday and it's not worth family tension.

Invite her, sit her next to your mother is law.  Honestly, the day of your shower you are going to be surrounded by so many people who honestly love you, you wouldn't even think twice about her.   Also, I'm sure if she says something nasty, someone  who loves you (a sister, cousin, friend) will put her in her rightful place.

Also, consider doing this as a favor for your future brother in law, you don't want to strain your relationship with him because you refused to invite this GF.   Again, if he has plans to marry this girl, you could be setting yourself up for future family tension/confict over a little bridal shower invitation.

Answer 11

Leave her off any lists which you present to people if you're certain you want to do this. However leaving family out from your wedding events is generally in poor taste. (If she is a long term girlfriend then she is considered family. And your fiance's brother will be upset if he can't bring his girlfriend to showers.)

Bear in mind though that the host(ess) has the final say over who gets invited.

Answer 12

Your name states you are an '09 Halloween bride. Girl, you've got so much time before your wedding and bridal shower your FH's brother might find another girlfriend by that time, stressing out now will do you no good.