How do I say "hi" and reconnect after a decade??

Question

In about a week, I'm going to meet my mother for the first time in over ten years. I'm twenty-two now and haven't had any contact after my parents divorced. Unknown to me, my family found out that she lives right down the road from where I go to school at. I contacted her and now we're set to meet at a restaurant for dinner and to talk. I've got no idea of what to say to her and how to act around her. She gave birth to me, but calling her "mom" just sounds so alien to me and I don't know what to do. Anybody have any advice for me or been in a similar position before? What did you do and how did it go for you?

Answer 1

Dear New Journey Taker:

I'm wishing you all the best and just wanted to share that 'Rome' was not built in a day, and recapturing a long lost relationship won't be either.

I'm certain your mother may be as nervous as you are, if not more, because she 'birthed' you.  The best way to approach you new found family member is to be yourself and if the burden is not in your heart to call her 'mom'--don't.  The meeting should be organic, allow mom to talk and ask questions and you do the same.  Try not to pass judgment because there may be some things you have issue with but create a platform for peace.

I had gone many years-17 before I met my father and you'd be surprised, they want the best and also feel insecure about the initial meetings.  Try to go slow--the next time you meet can also be in a public place and as time goes by do more and more things of intimate value together such as take digital pictures, introduce her to school friends and during this time try to have 1 or 2 questions or topics you'd like to cover--perhaps about your maternal side of the family or her reasons for deciding not to raise you--but have tact do not bombard her all at once at the first meeting--let it gradually build.  This also allows her to feel relaxed, not on defense, and likely to give truthful statements.

This is what your heart needs, the inner child in you, and as a man now, it will cultivate the type of relationship that will work for you today as an adult.  Be sure to meditate before going or saying a little prayer--it's like a cup of hot cocoa for the soul.....

Wishing you the very best!

Answer 2

play maplestory

Answer 3

I think you should take the long view here.  This dinner isn't going to catch you both up on each others lives; it isn't going to define your relationship going forward; it isn't going to resolve all your questions or anger.  It's just a first step.  You'll talk, you'll feel each other out a little, you'll both be nervous and awkward.  Try to think of it as the first step on a long, long path and it won't seem so intimidating.  And you don't have to call her "Mom", just call her by her first name.  Good luck.