How do I show my youngest son that his oldest brother's life isn’t good?

Question

Accord to my other question, I didn’t get much help. So I want to try ask something else.

I have four kids from 18 to 32. Two of the middle kids are doing well in life. My oldest son, Sam owns and run a model agency, photography studio, and is starting his own fashion line with one of his model. He also do military contractor and fight in kick boxing event sometime. My youngest son, Kevin just graduated from high school and got accepted into college. But Kevin is seriously considering not going to college and tries to go on one of adventure like as his oldest brother did.

I don’t like how Sam is living his life. I don’t want Kevin to go through what Sam did. But the biggest problem is Sam think he live a better and more exciting life than most people. He isn’t making any effort to discourage Kevin from doing something crazy. He basically tell Kevin it’s better to die try to live a life he want to than living a rat race life.

I don’t think Kevin realize how much pain, hardship, violent, and horrible things Sam have went through. Basically I can see Sam isn’t the person he use to be and is insensitive and somewhat cold. I don’t want Kevin to go through the same thing. But Kevin is really taking Sam’s advice seriously. How can I get Kevin to see that Sam’s life isn’t that good at all/

Answer 1

I am a mother of 4 children, from 24-15.  Have you thought about being greatful? I don't mean to sound harsh, but you can't expect your son to be who YOU want him to be.  He has be who HE wants to be.  It's not like your oldest son is encouraging him to be a drug dealer or gangster, which COULD be the case.  My word the kid is 18 right?  I say let him follow his own dreams and everyone needs to LEAVE HIM ALONE!  Discouraging him will make him want to do it more.  Just be greatful mom, it could be SO MUCH WORSE!

Answer 2

So Sam hangs out with a bunch of models, takes their pictures, and is starting a fashion line with one of his models.

Why wouldn't you think that kind of life is appealing to an 18 year old boy?  How would college appeal to him?  Why do you think Sam's life isn't "good"?

I would say that you need to give Kevin some space to let him make his own decisions, whether they are right or wrong.

Answer 3

how about telling him to spend a week w/his big brother.

nothing wakes a person up more than living on the "greener side of the fence" and realizing it's no greener at all...

Answer 4

Sometimes a little expirience can shatter the romatic image and makes the best answer.

Alternatively find out if this kids friends in high school or in your community have some stories to share with your kid Sam.

Answer 5

I know he's your son, but he has to make his own decisions in life.  If you try to hold him back, he'll just resent you.  The only thing I can suggest is if Sam doesn't already know that his little brother wants to follow in his footsteps, let him know.  If he's had such horrible experiences due to the paths he's chosen, he'll try to steer Kevin in the right direction.  However, in the end, Kevin is still going to make his own decisions and you as a mother can only be there to support him.  If he falls, you pick him up.   If he's a smart adult, he'll learn from his mistakes and know when to not make them again.

Answer 6

as much as you want to protect him you have to let him have his chance, yes it hurts to see our kids making mistakes but it is a learning experience for them. As the first one said, it might be helpful to have him live the life as his older brother did. He may not want college right now but that doesn't mean he won't ever go back one day.

Answer 7

I agree with the guy above.

Answer 8

Part of being a parent is letting your children find their own path of life.  I know that it is hard watching your youngest go through what your other children have gone through but you also have to look at it from the childs point of view.  he see's gold and wants it.  You eldest son has it all, and your youngest want's it all.  trial and error, you know.  Let him find out really what it is all about and maybe he will decide for himself that it isn't the lifestyle that he wanted.  But you really should at least let him try it.  If you don't support him tell him that but don't try to discourage him, then he will think that you are against him.  And being 18 he will want to do things the rebelous way.  This is probably not what you wanted to hear at all I know trust me I know but sometimes they really just need to figure it out on their own.  Good Luck

Answer 9

I wish I could help. I need to know why Sams life isn't so good.

Lets see Sam: Owns a model agency-check

                 Owns and manages a photogrophy studio-check

                 Starting a fashion line-Has future vision

                 Kickboxer-has an  outside outlet/hobby

What ever Sam went through it made him the man he is today. Let your son live his life.