How do I solve the problem of having my best friend take advantage of me?

Question

So I have a best friend that I've known for about 5 years now. We know each other really well from what kind of guys were into to making a "show stopper" statement when it comes to fashion. But I feel that whenever we go out she doesn't have enough money to pay for herself when it comes to food or helping me pay for gas. For example, we both went to disneyland this past May and obviously I paid for my entrance ticket and she paid her own entrance ticket. Problem is that when I bought myself food she didn't have no more money to buy herself food and I thought to myself, "who goes to an amusement park and doesn't have money to buy food themselves or just have extra cash for emergency?" She told me that she only had enough to pay for the entrance ticket, so I was nice enough to buy her food too and drink. She said that I didn't have to but I can tell she was very hungry, I mean we were there almost all day long so who doesn't go out that long w/out eating. I told her she can pay me back but she never did. And I'm already getting fed up of this not having enough money to provide your own self thing. It just drives me nuts and I seriously don't want to hang out with her a lot if she's just going to keep having me be a mother to her. Also, she doesn't have a car nor driver license so I obviously have to pick her up from her house and drop her back and I mean i'm not asking a lot but it would be nice to give a little donation for gas which would help me a lot. And it's funny how my own dad tells me that if she were to have enough money and drive she wouldn't do the same of what I'm doing for her. My dad briefly knows her so I find that interesting for him to say without knowing her too well. What should I do in order to fix this ongoing problem?

Answer 1

Well, you can do either of a couple of things.  Have a serious talk with her.  Tell her from now on, she will have to furnish her own money for treats or whatever when you go someplace.  And that she will have to give you some money for gas.  As long as you shell out the money and be a taxi for her, she is going to continue to do this.  

She is taking advantage of you.  Good friends don't do that.  So have that talk.

Or, when you go someplace, don't offer to pay for anything for her.  No matter what the occasion is, if she doesn't have the money, she doesn't eat.  Don't feel sorry for her.  She is a leech.   You could tell her when you make plans, that she had better bring some money for the extras, because you only have enough for yourself.

Or, you could just quit doing things with her.  I had a friend like that when I was in high school 100 years ago.   She always had money to go to a movie, but never any to get something to eat afterwards.  So I would pay for it.  She always said she would pay me back, but never did.  After many months of that, I finally quit going anyplace with her.   The amount of money was so small back in those days, but it was the principle of it   I had a part time job, and had to earn the money to go to movies.  She didn't have a job, so never had enough money.

Only you know what would work best with this friend.  If you really like her and have fun with her, you could try the talk first.  If she gets mad or continues to do what she's been doing. then you can decide whether you want to continue to be friends.   It is hard to base a friendship on money, but things are expensive these days. and she isn't treating you with any respect.