How do I stay broken up? When I first moved into my apartment, I met him.?

Question

He still lives across the street from me. For as long as I've been in college he has been my best friend so much that I pushed all my friends away so I could just be with him all the time and it didn't help that none of my friends liked him or wanted to be around him. I always break up with him because he always does something to crush me like put his friends ahead of me or blow me off or show interest in someone else or never wants to go out or do anything. Every time I break up with him, I go right back with him and it's espcially hard with him living directly across the street, I can see who is over there, what he's doing. He always has a bunch of people over all the time, which makes me especially jealous and I feel like I'm missing out and extra lonely. I need to break up with him and finalize it but it seems like no matter how hard I try I always end up calling him or accepting his invitations or answering his calls. I feel powerless and unable to resist him but I know I need to sever ties with him in order to finally be happy again and to stop feeling like a used push over control-less, powerless, friendless, sleepless, emotional-wreck, akward loser. I just don't know how to overcome this. Part of me even tells myself that once you b/u with him, he'll notice how much he misses me and come back a totally changed man. But then my better conscience says he needs to go for good, he's burned me too many times and I'm tired and he will do it again if I let him, if I go back to him. So now that we're broken up, how do I stay broken up? Where do you find the will power to deprive yourself of someone you really love and care for? How do you not give in to that temptation? How do you avoid those feelings of urgency that grow stronger and stronger each day you don't see him or hear from him? I feel like I'm on crack. Any NA's/ AA's out there? How did you give up your addiction? How did you fight that power? Where did you find it in you?

Answer 1

I think you are overly obsessed by this man, in fact overwhelmingly. I wish you felt like that about God because if there was someone who would love you back and eternally it would be Him!  Today the sad thing is the issue of having s*x out of marriage.  People do not realize that you actually have soul ties with the person you have slept with and here is the problem you are struggling with now. You have to break soul ties with this man. You need to focus on something new and not be so possessive of any human to the point of chasing away all your friends. You end up smothering the one in your life when you do that or more likely mothering him.  You made yourself a doormat and far too available in the process. Now instead of sitting in a pit of self-pity where all the 'negatives' dwell, like depression, anger, envy, jealousy, pride,unforgiveness, unworthiness, stubbornness, rebelliousness, isolation and loneliness, sadness and self-pity, pride, bitterness, rejection, revenge, suicide, death wishes, and every thing negative, choose to get out of there, because sitting in that cave is doing nothing for you, it is wasting your time and crippling you in the process. God is throwing down a line for you to grab hold of, a lifeline called CHOICE.  If you grab onto CHOICE you can choose to get out of the pit of self-pity and haul yourself up onto the fields of hope and smell the fresh air of the sky that has no end to it and run towards the mountains of possibilities, promise and good.  If you have to feel like giving up on those things you feel, you will never do it because the

negative voices are deceiving you into believing that you cant and didn't feel like it, so that leaves choice. Make a choice, take the action that goes with the choice and abandon yourself to positive things.  Whenever you hear a negative voice trying to pull you back into the pit of self pity you simply tell it to go to h**l where it belongs and override the negative thought with a positive one.  Basically you are beginning to form a new habit!!! You can do this and you must do something or you will self-destruct! Remember negative draws more negative to it and ends up in destruction and positive draws positive to it and yields constructive results. So what are you going to choose?

Answer 2

Focus on your strengths, not weaknesses. Positives, not negatives.

Google a short piece called Desiderata & read it. I think you will find lots of help that you need for both now & forever in it.

Focus on what you want to achieve in your own life for your own sake. Recognize he is not part of your well-being and look for your own self-sufficiency in all things. Strengthen your self-discipline - focus on the fact that he does not deserve your love, he is taking advantage of you.

The rest is easy - move on in your head, and physically if you have to.

With my very best wishes for a happier future for you. UK