How do I stop being so hard on myself?

Question

I wasn't always like this. But something happened while I was in middle school and even though that was a long time ago I'm still suffering. Now I'm dealing with what I've become: an insecure, stressed out adult. My opinion rarely matters to me. When it comes down to it every decision I make has to do with others. For example, most of the time I want to drive the speed limit simply because gas is expensive and I don't want to get a ticket. Fearing that people are going to glare at me as they pass me, I go beyond the speed limit, making sure that I keep a good distance between the person behind me and my bumper. I know, it's really stupid. If someone gives me a dirty look I'll beat myself up for it for days, thinking that it's my fault, that it's something that I did, or the way I look, or the way I'm dressed, etc (even though it probably isn't that doesn't matter to me for some reason). I would just love to be able to sit down in a room full of people and relax. I hesitate often when it comes to speaking in class, even though I might have something interesting to say, because I'm afraid that some one might give me a dirty look or say something rude. I think I've rambled long enough and I'm sure that you get the idea. I just want to love who I am and everything that I am without even giving a thought about what anyone will think. I don't want to be shallow, but I want to make sure that I'm my number one priority right now. I owe myself a lot of love for the c**p that I've put up with in my life, but I just don't know how to love myself properly..

Answer 1

welcome to being a teenager. You'll survive.

Answer 2

www.wikihow.com/Love-Yourself

"I don't write music, I invent it." -Igor Stravinsky

Answer 3

its good to be full of your self in this case, you will tend to put yourself first, and that is good. it helps to make excuses on why people do that, or you can just mock them. it helps to relieve the stress.

and remember, you are a strong, confident woman and you dont need a man to complete you f

Answer 4

Something has happened that has made you extremely self-conscious. It seems to me that you are a bit of a perfectionist and hold yourself to a far higher standard than others do. You simply need to realize deep down that you are a human being and you are going to make mistakes, and possibly p**s off a few people along the way.

I think you are on the right track by thinking you are the number one priority. It is perfectly right to love yourself, no one else will love you properly if you don't. There are many people who are willing to walk all over you if they think you'll let them.

Take care of yourself, you're worth it. Treat yourself as kindly as you would another person that you care about.

Answer 5

why r u thinking so. U r unique. Be proud to say that no one can be like u. Do u know everyone have this initially. But those who dare to defeat it are  the excels. keep urself happy. Before saying something think and say. speak whatever u want to speak with others before a mirror as a practise . It really removes ur shyness.

Answer 6

be the best that you can be. if it doesnt work then it's not meant to be. try doing something else that you are very good at through recognising your strengths and weaknesses. be proud of your strong points and care less about what others might say about you. stay in control and love yourself . take care.

Answer 7

It would be so easy to just say to you: "so just do it", but it would also be wrong and dishonest.  The truth is that you seem to be very set in your ways and simply "trying" to change won't work.  To be perfectly honest with you - seeing a therapist is probably the best way to go when it comes to changing attitudes that are so deeply ingrained in you.  Self help books work for some, but chances are it will take the guidance and knowledge of a professional to help you change.

Answer 8

I'm not sure driving is a good example. You should drive below the speed limit and keep the distance for YOUR own safety! So that's already a good thing you do. People may give dirty look at you and at anybody for no good reason. (Sometimes they do because you drive too slow:D Whatever you do, there's always someone who's not satisfied...) There will always be people like that. You dress up nice and then what? Maybe they are envy or in their mind there's the problem about what's right. So ask yourself. When you woke up and what you did that day, was it what YOU wanted to do and what YOU think is right. And when your answer is yes, just give a big and nice smile to those ugly people, maybe they'll smile back at you:)