How do I stop letting the people whom I love using me without hurting them?

Question

Can you give me some instances how you do it?

Whenever I try, they just put a show and I have to give in.

How do I stand up for myself, when these people are your parents or someone whom you love so much?

Answer 1

you don't have to give in, hun. we all deserve respect & if you're not getting it from your loved-ones, it just shows you've given in to them too much. i know it's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes, but the more we allow others to treat us like doormats, the more they will. if you don't want to spend the rest of your life being subservient to others, you have to start now. tell them gently, but firmly, that you won't be walked over any more. then stick to it. if that means leaving a room, or walking out for a while, then do it. you'll never come out from under unless you start respecting yourself now & expecting others to show you respect too. good luck with it, hun. Diane.

Answer 2

Honey, you stand up for yourself by saying NO and standing your ground!  They'll either like it or lump it!  Your parents can't live your life forever, and the people who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter!  If they really and truely love you, they will realize that you're grown, you have a mind of your own, and it's time they stand back and let you test your wings.  If you fall, you'll pick yourself back up again, and in the event that you can't, you'll ASK for help!

Don't TRY to put a stop to it...DO it!  You've got to make them understand that NO means NO, not maybe or I'll think about it!  Until you stand up for yourself, they're going to continue using you as their doormat.  Do you like the taste of dirt???  If not, say NO and mean it!  Man up, Hon!!  It will be worth it, I promise you!

God bless you, Darlin'!

Answer 3

My parents are what is called toxic parents and when I became an adult and independent is when their abuse of me worsened.

I gave in for a while, I tried to reason with them, talk with them about the feelings I had.

Eventually I realized that I didn't have to have those people in my life. They made me miserable what is the point so I finally said to them if they can't respect me, for the sake of my sanity, I need to say good-bye.

They sent me a nasty mail for a while trying to manipulate but altho it's hard I've never looked back at them..

Sometimes standing up for yourself means good bye-It did in my case.

Answer 4

Boy do I understand your situation. I had an issue with a sister of mine about taking me for granted and taking advantage of the person I am. See, we both have a child each that are only a year apart. They have been close since birth and are now 8 & 9 yrs. old. Our issue was several years ago. What happened was that I had to stop working because my son was very ill. He needed constant care so my husband and I agreed that my staying home was best. Soon after that my sister asked if I would watch my niece while she worked. She and her husband had separated and the arrangement they had was not going to work now that he was out of the house. So I agreed to care for my niece. Everything was fine at first like it always is. Until my sister started asking if my niece could spend the night. Of course as close as the kids are we were fine with it. This started becoming a routine. My niece really never left my house because my sister started going out dating and clubbing. Seeing that her living was not one that is good for a child I practically took in my neice and was there 24-7. She became my 'child' in the sense that it was all on me when she needed things or even when she was ill. My sister just let go of her and was nowhere to be found. She would pick her up every once in awhile but usually I would get a phone call while they were out asking if I could please talk with my neice about behaving and listening to her mommy in public. That's how bad things got. Eventually I had to put my foot down. I was very stressed and angry with my sister. When I sat her down to talk about what was going on she was very defensive and vouched never to ask me for anything again. Now she doesn't even think of asking me for anything.  I had to do what was right. My neice wanted to be at home with her mommy. She would ask why she was always with us. Along with many other hearfelt questions. My downfall was that I took too long to clear things up with my sister about her taking advantage that her daughter would be cared for while she was M.I.A

Don't wait too long to get matters straight. Stand up for yourself because if you don't things will only better worse. You are to be appreciated and valued not taken advantange of. It was very hard for me to say no to people also especially my family. I learned by being pushed against the wall(not literally).

Answer 5

I was in a similar situation as yours and sometimes still struggle with finding it hard to say no to people. I eventually got tired of people taking me for granted and started to learn that I had a right to say no. The one thing that helped me was to ask myself, "would this person help me if I asked them to"...most times I knew the answer would be no. Some of my relatives had even expected to live in my house rent free so that they would be able to save for a house of their own. These people would never allow me or anyone to live rent free in their home so why did they expect me to allow them? It was because we people pleasers find our self worth through others. You need to stop thinking that everyone you help loves you, because what they do feel about you is that you are a fool who allows herself to be used. They ask for unreasonable favors because of the lack of respect they have come to have for you. . I know this hurts, but once I began to realise this I began to say no, and you must to. Sometimes saying no means you will hurt their feelings, but so what? They are not thinking of your feelings and the inconvenience they put you through. Earn respect by saying no. For example, if they ask for money simply say, "I am sorry but I do not have it", or "I am sorry but I make it a point not to lend money out to people who do not pay me back"...you have the right to say no. Your problem is always wanting to be loved and accepted by others and the only way you feel you can is by giving. Stop it and get help for your low self esteem. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

You have to gain your self respect and stand up for your self.. it will be hard and they will try to use guilt trips... you have to set boundaries for what you expect and how you want to be treated.. sometimes a letter or email is the easiest.. they cannot interrupt your thoughts.. you don't have to be mean or rude, just explain your feelings and what you want for your life.. My wife deals with this.. it has become a complicated family matter and gets dumped on her.. you have to get to the point of stepping back and talk to them when they are civil..

Good luck.. it is tough...

Answer 7

Remember all the shows... And next time it happens, just put your foot down. You don't have to be rude when saying "no", you just have to speak up.

It took me the longest time to see when I was being used. And now, If I've been used, I can over look it happening a couple times, but a constant just makes me feel bad, so why should I continue to let something like that happen to me that ends up making me feel worthless.

It also took me meeting a pretty special friend. Her and I can hang out, or go do stuff and not have to worry about either of us getting used. We still give quite a bit, but we can help each other see that someone is using either of us.

All you have to do is stand up for yourself, and don't be rude. Tact is the best way!

Answer 8

you just have to set your boundaries.  if you don't want to, say no.  if you don't like it, say so.  if it bugs you, make them aware.  you have to be true to yourself. others who don't like it will put up a fuss, but you know what?  it's just a feeling, and feelings pass...they'll get over it.

good luck.