How do I stop my 12yr old stepdaughter from lying all the time?

Question

Her dad and I have been married for almost 7 years now, she doesnt just like to me. She lies to everyone. Her mom isnt a very good example of honesty. She moved in with us in April and now our 5yr old and 3 yr old lie alot more. She has no cell, and her internet has already been restricted. Her mom allowed her to have myspace which we have blocked. I dont lie to her, if she wants to know something I tell her its none of her business, I dont lie. She is rarely on the phone and doesnt seem interested in having friends. There is very little that we can take away from her now. I just dont know what to do. Her father and I are at our wits end. She lies about the smallest things, I just dont know how to make it stop!

Answer 1

punish her; take away privileges

we need more info...do you know why she is lying? what does she lie about?

Answer 2

Well,

since she's your StepDaughter....

She probably hates you.. She thinks that your trying to replace her mom. So she lies to you.

She dosent want you to think she respects you at all.

So she lies. Theirs really no way to stop it.

Answer 3

Okay first of all I am a step daughter and the same thing happened to me except my parents weren't as married as long maybe 2 years. I lied about the littlest things, big things, and my mom wasn't at all a good example of honesty. So I see where you're coming from. I lied because I wanted to make my dad happy because I thought with a new step mom i wasn't his number one anymore and I thought it was all my fault and I thought that being perfect would make my dad want to remarry my mom. Take her to counseling is all I can say thats what helped me.

Answer 4

I don't think that you will be able to stop it completely. However punish her take away her cellphone, and internet rights. She needs to learn she can't lie

Answer 5

You can take away her special/ valuable stuff.

Answer 6

beat her @ss

Answer 7

Lie back to her. All the time even about small stuff like what your having for dinner. Lie a lot though espically about stuff she can or cannot do e.i. of course she can go to her friends then once shes ready to go say oops i lied!

Good Luck  

Answer 8

first of all, u need to make sure that u and ur partner never lie because this will only encourage ur daughter. she will see it as ok and normal and it will only continue. it will probably also get worse.

when you suspect that she is lying, you need to emphasise the fact that u will be much happier if she tells you the truth than if she tells a lie and that she will get into more trouble for lying than she will for telling the truth.

If she tells the truth and owns up to something she has done that was really bad make sure you do not shout, get angry etc as this will put her off telling the truth. she will think it is easier to lie because at least then she doesnt get punished in that way.

i see you have written she is your stepdaughter. in that case, what you may need to do is to make sure you have her full trust. she must respect you as her guardian in order to realise that lying is really disrespectful.

you may have to carry out small punishments when you know she is lying for a fact. This should show her that she is getting in trouble for lying rather than for telling the truth. you could deny privelliges for certain amounts of time e.g. no playing out with firends or no tv.

Answer 9

lie to her and see how she likes it!

Answer 10

tazer

Answer 11

lead by example

Answer 12

tell her father about it

Answer 13

So she is your step-dauhgter right? She is probably lying cuz she is upset that her family is spilt up. Try to praise her, and if that doesnt work, then take sometime to talk to her, and tell her SEROULSY that lying is bad.

Answer 14

Well, it depends on what shes lying about. Don't overreact when she does something and maybe she wont need to feel scared of you knowing things. All kids s***w up, so its better if they can be open with you instead of being morbidly afraid of you finding out things. That's how I was when I was that age, because my mom yelled at me constantly and threw fits for low As in school. I ended up developing anxiety disorders and a need to keep things from here. I ended up forging all kinds of papers and things from here and hiding everything.  

Answer 15

thats probably one of the hardest thing to do with 12 yr olds.

First of all: they're on the stage of puberty, you gotta remember that.

and also the fact that you mention "stepdaughter," that can also be a factor.

You need to talk to her, and have a healthy relationship with you, or else you can't really expect her to open up to you and at the same time tell you the truth.

Evaluate your guys' relationship, and getting family involved (such as mtgs) are good too. Family mtgs are good because it gives you the chance to vent and understand.

But always remember you are the MOM and she is the daughter. Even thought I said to maintain a healthy bonding and a relationship between you too, there always have to be discipline and limits all the time.

Answer 16

just talk to her about it and ask her y she is lying so much

wen kid lie to our parents its usually because we dont know how to open up to our parents and tell them the truth

try and build some kind of relationship with her instead of takin everything away wen she starts to feel comfortable with talkin about stuff with u then the lying should slowly stop  

Answer 17

to tell you the truth u cant really do anything but what can help is

try and be more like a friend but still keep rules and everything but

just try and be more understanding and then shell feel comfortable to

tell you the truth

Answer 18

***EDIT***

Yes, I know my answer is FULL of questions.  But honestly, you're the adult - and the only one who can answer these questions.

Are you CERTAIN she's lying all the time?   Why doesn't she trust you enough to make you a part of her every day life?  What's her relationship with her dad?   You are 'only' her step mom....where is dad and why isn't he the one laying down the law??  That right there could build animosity.

You should NEVER tell a child - much less a teenager that something is none of their business.  If it's something too mature - then, simply explain you're dealing with adult issues.  BUT....aren't you showing her that she's in fact not important enough to know what's going on and that she doesn't really matter ?  SHE'S SHOWING AN INTEREST AND YOU'RE SLAMMING THE DOOR IN HER FACE!!!!

You're excluding her by telling her it's none of her business - why wouldn't she exclude you?  

I did a little research...thanks for the extra details - by the way.    

http://www.byparents-forparents.com/teen...

http://www.massgeneral.org/children/adol...

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Teens-Lie-...

You gotta ask yourself - how are you reacting when she tells the truth? Do you automatically say she's lying?  She's obviously had it tough; the divorce, being back and forth from mom's and dad's.  (Whether you think it's been tough on her or not....it HAS been 1000 times more tough than you think!)

That being said - have you made her a part of your family or are you just bound and determined to "change" her?   Do you say anything about her mom to her or around her? If you do - stop this minute.  NEVER EVER make a derrogatory comment, facial expression (rolling your eyes or sighing) around her about your husbands EX.  That is a BIG NO-NO!

My ex step dad use to accuse me of lying ALL THE TIME and for the "majority or the time" I was telling the truth.  Teens ARE going to lie.  Even the most straight laced, easy going, straight A kids out there will lie from time to time just to make their own boundaries.  You cannot try to CATCH her in a lie each time because then she won't trust YOU as much as you don't trust her.  

Knowing you can't fight and win every battle is harder to learn.  Picking the right ones to fight is what is important.

Ease up....you don't have to know every single thing that's going on with her.  How long has everything been taken away?   Does she have a time frame when she can get those back due to good behavior?   She has to have something to work towards.  Your approval doesn't sound like it's going to come for quite some time; honestly.

Answer 19

Sit her down ask her calmly, why she thinks she has to lie. Tell her that you can relate to her, that you've been her age once. That she can trust you not to overreact. Tell her you love her. Oh and you do have to be more understanding.