How do I stop my 6 year old from deliberately wetting his pants? I am sick of it.?

Question

I tried asking before a while back but nothing worked. My 6 and one half year old deliberately wets his pants. If he does not get his way he will threaten to wet his pants. This could be at home or out at the mall. If he does not get his way. If we are somewhere he does not want to be and wants to go home he will wet his pants to get taken home. He does this often. He holds this over us in a way. A lot of time it has gotten to the point when things do not go his way he simply pees his pants out of spite. Also if we punish him for something and he is mad he will pee in the bed. He is not sleeping when he does this. He is not dumb at all. Very smart. He will sometimes soil his pants out of anger too. I know he has no medical problem. Like I said he either threatens to do it and promptly does or he simply does it when mad about not getting his way. How do I stop this? Yelling does not work and we are not into spanking though we did try that a bit with no success.

Answer 1

Assuming there are no other issues in his life (such as family instability, abuse or inattention) the following might be helpful.  He's getting a lot of attention and a sense of control over his life, so it may be worth finding out 'why' he feels the need.  What was happening when things were 'ok' and when did things change?

It is very frustrating and exhausting to fight a 6 year old over anything he wants especially when he's able to wet his pants and get what he wants.  He's obviously in control of the situation and it has become a battle of wills.  By the way, 6 year olds have all the time in the world, so they can be extremely persistent.  

But, it sounds like you've fallen for his game, however, especially since it has worked in the past and he's learned to count on your reaction.  You're very predictable and are playing by his rules.

The key is to change the rules, not play the game at all and think out of the box...take back control of your life!

A couple of other people have mentioned using pull ups.  Absolutely great idea...and if pull-ups are insufficient, then regular diapers should work.  The idea is to save you work and NOT react to his threats or actions.  If he's unable to get the reaction he wants he can wet himself all he wants.  You can change him when its convenient to you.  There is no reason to change your plans, go home, or anything else. (Little kids should be accomodated as they can get bored and tire easily, but over all the parents raise the kids not vice versa).

So in the meantime, he wears pull ups 24x7.  Inform him that until he is able to control his temper and express himself appropriately he will wear diapers.  If he gets mad and wets, fine.  If he threatens, fine.  In this situation, DO NOT PUNISH, yell or change your plans...remember we're not playing by the same rules or game anymore.  There is no need to become upset or even moderately concerned.  He may inform you of his plan to wet or say that he is wet.  Listen carefully to what he has to say, let him know you heard him and empathsize with his needs then inform him "we'll finish shopping in just a few minutes" and continue as you intended.  Overall, the new game rule is, you're ignoring it.

At home, same thing applies.  If he threatens, call his bluff and let him wet.  When you have a few minutes he can be changed but he should realize, you are on your time schedule and not his.

I hope this helps, I'd be interested in how it turns out.

Answer 2

You are going to have to try and think of a punishment that he will absolutely hate so that he won't do it again.  

When he makes these messes...make him clean himself up.  Make him do everything...change his clothes, give himself a bath.  Maybe he'll tire of it.

Lastly, if you are not doing spankings....maybe it's time to consider them if nothing else is working.  He's seems the type that maybe that's all he will respond to...but he's your child.

Answer 3

I have a couple of solutions for you.  Number one, take extra pants with you when you go somewhere and try to minimalize things when he does it.  Don't make a big deal of it.  He is feeding on your reactions.  If you show him that it is not a big deal, perhaps he won't keep doing it.  Number two, try to help him understand that it is not socially acceptable.  Perhaps the next time he wants to go to Chucky Cheese or some other place like that, let him no that it may not be a good idea since he has so many "accidents".  Let him know that it is not something that "big boys" do.  You could also try this, I know it sounds gross but it worked for my sister.  If you are at home and he does it, make him wear it around and essentially ignore the fact that he has done it.  Eventually, the wetness becomes uncomfortable for him and he will take off his clothes or change them.  If he changes his clothes act like you didn't even notice it.  If he takes his clothes off simply tell him to go and get dressed.  My sister did this with her son a couple of weekends and he stopped wetting.  Hope this is helpful.  I know it is hard to deal with but as long as you keep reacting the way he is expecting, he will continue to manipualte you in this way.  You have to establish control as the parent without yelling or spanking.  If he is only doing it to get his way, remember you have to stand firm.  Don't give in to his demands even if he wets his pants.  If you do, he is going to continue to do this to maintain control of you.  Good Luck! Don't give up!

Answer 4

Wow, that's a tough one.  I think your best bet would be to just let him do it, but then not allow him to change his clothes - just make him stay in his wet underwear and pants.  Make him walk around with a wet spot in front and he will not only be uncomfortable but probably (hopefully) be embarrassed as well.  Maybe right after he has an "accident" you could suddenly have to run to the store for a gallon of milk or somethng, and uh-oh, he's going to have to come along.  If he thinks it's not making you mad (so you'll have to have your "poker face" on) and realizes he'll get teased for peeing his pants, I bet he'll stop.  If that doesn't work, I guess I'd go the diaper route.  By the biggest diapers you can find (like the kind for older kids who actually have bladder control problems) and then take away his underwear.  Tell him if he can't control his body then he must have a medical problem and he'll have to wear diapers until he is old enough and/or mature enough to control his bladder.  Whatever you do, don't let him know this is getting under your skin, and I bet it will stop a whole lot sooner.  Good luck!

Answer 5

LIke one person said, Make him was his underwear. And also, make him wear a diaper and you could carry around a diaper bag and then even if he pees his pants, he'll be doing it in a diaper and it doesn't really change anything. Or, whenever he pees his pants make him walk around the whole day in his wet underwear.

Answer 6

This is ALL about power and is nothing medical or mentally wrong with him... He knows that the peeing gets to you and will do it to get his own way....  If you're going to the mall and he wants to leave bring extra pants and let him pee...  Make him wear a pull up out in public... Who cares if he finds it humiliating!!  Let him pee in it and sit in it.  When he's at home and pees his pants make him wear a pullup and let him know that you aren't playing around... if he wants to pee his pants like a baby, he can be dressed like a baby.  Be FIRM!! and stay strong, Youre the adult and youre the boss!!!

Answer 7

Woah, you're in quite the power struggle! Just don't let him win. =] If you're out somewhere and he pees his pants to go home, just don't leave. Let him walk around like that. Put him in the naughty chair for 6 minutes every time he does it and if he wets his pants while he's in time-out then make him wait until the 6 minutes are up, go change his clothes and then get right back in that chair for another 6 minutes. Repeat if necessary lol. He's just doing it because it works- he knows you don't want to be out in public with him like that, etc. and who could blame you? He sounds very smart because this would be something that would be really hard not to give in to. Geez, I hope my son never thinks of that! Just remember not to give in. You could also take a toy away every time he does it and tell him he won't get them back until he starts staying dry. If he ends up with nothing but a mattress in his bedroom he'll get bored and you'll have something to use against him, as mean as that sounds. He knows he's the one with the leverage right now and you've got to take it back. =] Good luck!

Answer 8

when he does that, you make him go to the bathroom and wash his underwear by hand!!  I did this once, and the little boy never wet his pants again!!

Answer 9

There is some under lying issue here. I would suggest some sort of counseling for him. This seems like a cry for help or attention. Either way I would seek professional help. Best of luck

Answer 10

This is a form of the classic power struggle.

Instead of getting angry, punishing him, or otherwise reacting, let him wet his pants or the bed - then let him clean himself up.  Don't be upset.  Calmly say to him, "Well, now you have urine all over yourself.  What are you going to do about that?"

Answer 11

Here is what I would do. I would take all of his underpants away replace them with pull-ups. When he askes why you should gently explain to him that they are simply more convenient to use and tell him that since he can't act like a six year old that is potty trained that you will treat him like a two year old in potty training. DO NOT BACK DOWN. You may even want to contact his school so that they know what is going on. You cannot let him manipulate you in this way. I too have a very smart son and I constantly have to come up with innovative ways to get around his behavior. You just have to outsmart him. Let him know that if he goes a week without an "accident" that you will let him have his undies back. Keep the pull ups though. If he even threatens to wet his pants, take the underpants away again. You have to be consistant. A six year old will not tolerate the embarrassment of wearing a diaper to school for long and as long as you show a zero tolerance for pants wetting than he will stop. By the way, when he threatens pants wetting while wearing the pull up, simply tell him that it's his call but you won't change him until he's gone a few times. That way you can save a little money.

Answer 12

I went through that too. I made my son wash them out in the toilet when he did it. It only took a few times, however, he wasn't deliberately doing it as your boy is. He just waited too long each time to go. But you can try that = make him use the toilet and wash them out!! If he wishes to soil himself then he can clean up the mess.

Soiled sheets can be removed and put in laundry by the child too. Then replaced by himself.

The idea is to make it as uncomfortable as possible for him to use this method of anti social behavior.

Answer 13

The problem is you didn't spank your 6 year old hard enough!  It obviously wasn't a strong deterrent!

Answer 14

make him sit in his dirty underpants in the time out chair for a while every time he does it.. he'll quit then

Answer 15

make him wear diapers. when he wets himself he will only wet the diaper and you can say "you wet t you can sit in it." then finish your shopping or whatever and change him when you get home. at home make him wear nothing but the diapers, and get the kind you can tape on so he won't take them off.

Answer 16

stick his nose in it...

lol

jk

just tell him no and by him pampers or something a make it apparent to everyone...

or tell him if he wets his pants again the boogy mans gonna come