How do I stop my family from hurting my son?

Question

Hi. I have had a rough time with my mom and my sister and her husband since my son was a few months old. My sister's son was the baby of the grandkids until my son was born. Well my sister would allow her son to punch my son in the stomach and hurt him all the time even when my son was a baby. I would grab my son and get onto my nephew and my sister wouldn't do anything. She would just make up an excuse that my son had hit him. Helllooo. He is a baby. Well, my mom would act the same exact way. My son is very sweet and is sweet to everyone and all the kids now except for my nephew whom he will hit at because my nephew is always hitting him. I had to keep my son away from my nephew for the longest time because he still tries to hurt him all the time. I'm upset at my mom and my sister. They still baby my nephew and are always getting onto my son(who doesn't understand why they do that). I'm tired of the situation and I don't want my son hurt.

Answer 1

I had the SAME problem but my mom was on my side. OK here is what you have to do and its NOT fun!

YOu need to try to make excuses and avoid them for a while untill they figure out that something is up and ask you. Then tell them that you dont want to upset them but your son should not be hit and you will not tolerate it. They WILL get angry but it will pass and they will control the bullies better. My sister and I are fine now, but for a while things got rough.

Answer 2

Have you actually tried talking to your sister about it?

Answer 3

these other posters are right, they're all crazy and you and your son need to stay away from them. If you stay, then he will end up as crazy as the rest of them. Sometimes you need to make a clean break.

Answer 4

Do what I did with my family.. keep the child away from them all together..

Altho my family is not physically abusing my daughter.. they were emotionally and mentally abusing her.. so I banned them from seeing her..

I have the first great grand child in the family.. so there is jealousy there..

Your son needs to be shown that he is part of a loving family not an abusive one or he will do the same to siblings. Tell your family to grow up and discipline their children accordingly. or walk away.. a few months of no contact will get them thinking of why your not around and change their actions.. at least you hope..

its a little extreme but.. you dont want things to get out of hand

Answer 5

Before I answer, I have two questions.  First, are you a single parent and have to live with your family?  Secondly, are you financially dependent on them?

If your answer is "yes" to one or both of them, I guess you have to make more time for your son by being near him almost all the time (exception would be if that nephew is in school).

If you are financially capable of renting a place, then do so.  Better yet, if your income is sufficient enough for you to be granted a housing loan, go ahead and do it.  It will be better for you and your son.

On the question of single parenting, if you work and cannot care for your son but can afford it, bring him to a child-care place while you are at work.  The only possible problem is that you may not be able to dictate the values he might acquire in the child care home.  And, the possibility of lack of supervision.

If you are not financially capable and/or is unemployed, then I suggest that you spend more time with him until he will be able to defend himself.

The problem with your family is that your sister's family may be financially better off than yours is (just guessing here - insufficient data).  So the pampering of the nephew is first, because he is your sister's son; and, secondly, in the eyes of your own mom, she can depend on that family to provide for her too.  Another possibility is that if you are a single parent (again, just guessing), you went against the wishes or aspiration of your mom and therefore she would side with your sister and her son.  Your sister and her husband are expected to defend their son just like you are inclined to do to your son.

I know, it sounds disgusting that family members would put money above kinship.  Worse is prejudice because family rules have been broken.  But it happens everywhere.  

Although there is such a saying as "blood is thicker than water", then there is also a saying that "money talks", another would be "rules are meant to be broken".  Being a mother, one should have expected your mom to be more understanding of an infant's condition rather than impose her prejudice blindly, if that was the case (again, just guessing here).

Judging from the way you framed your question and the manner you have told your supporting story, I think you may had had quality education.  Why not apply for a job so that you can rid yourself of your dependency on your family?  Your choice of words, the typing proficiency (no typo errors) and quite good grammer could put you in a position to get many quality job offers in my country.

Take good care of your son.  He is too important to take abuses from his cousin.  He is also more important than maintaining a good relationship with your mom and sister.  Remember that they may have their own reasons, warped or not, for siding with your nephew (no guesses here).  Whatever the reason, you have to answer that question on your own and arrive at a suitable solution.  You can also email me with more details and hope that I can arrive at a more appropriate solution.

As a qualifier, my wife and I have had the good blessing of not having had experienced the same with my kids.  Good luck.

Addendum:  After reading all answers after I have submitted, even those after I have read your story, (sorry it took too long for me to answer), I concur with all the other answers.

Answer 6

That's awful. Keep your son away. If your sister wants to get together or your mother say, "OK but is little Jonny (your nephew) going to be there? If so, I have to pass. I don't like the way my son is treated when he is around." Then stick to it. Repeat that every time they wanna get together. maybe they'll get the hint. The world doesn't revolve around little Jonny.

Answer 7

It's your job to protect your kid.  If you're not doing that, you're not a good parent.  Keep him away from them.  It's that easy.  Don't worry about what they say or think, your obligation is to your kid, not to them.

Answer 8

Your ONLY obligation is to your son! Why would you even let them near your son? Have some guts and stand up to them and never ever let them hurt your son (emotionally or physically ) again.

Answer 9

such a damaging situation for your son, keep him away from them, they seem like horribly immature and nasty people.

Answer 10

Stay the h**l away from them! They are toxic! No question in it! Keep your son as far away from that insane c**p as possible!

Answer 11

stop seeing them. period. tell your mom, sorry. but I have to look out for my son since you and my sister won't. I feel sorry for your nephew, he's gonna be really messed up being raised that way. The sooner you cut off the relationship the better.

Answer 12

Why are you still around them? Your son's safety should rate higher than spending time with people who let him get hurt. Time to step back and only attend holiday functions for awhile. I'd not want my child anywhere near people who let him get hurt. If you cannot supervise him like a hawk while around them, then neither of you need to be around the nephew.