How do I stop my toddler from going to and cuddling strangers?

Question

My 2 1/2 yo, is a very happy and confident boy and I don't ever want that to change. However, Im having a really hard time trying to make him understand that its not always appropriate to cuddle people he doesnt know. At any park or play ground, for instance, he runs straight up to other kids and hugs them. He doesnt understand why they sometimes dont appreciate that. But worse, he'll do the same thing to adults!!! Is there some way to curb this behaviour and let him know that some strangers may be dangerous without making him shy and afraid?

Answer 1

I don't know how to do this, but just to reassure you, my son does the same thing. He'll be 3 in August.

Answer 2

You don't want to associate a stranger with just any adult. When your child gets older you will need to teach him/her about safety and if you teach your child that all people he doesn't know are strangers then who do you expect him to go to for help if he needs it. People think they should teach their kids to fear all adults but that's not the case. When your child is in trouble and has been taught to go to police when in trouble and there isn't one what then? A child should be taught that it's okay to go a store clerk for help, another mommy or daddy, etc. If they fear strangers and these are strangers then there is nobody to help your child. You need to teach him the boundaries that keep him safe. If it's a girl then be sure to tell her often that anything covered by a bikini is her private area that nobody is to see or touch unless it's mom.dad, or a doctor with mom or dads permission. Then they need to be taught that if a person tries to ma touch them there or does anything to make them uncomfortable then they need to tell you. Be sure they understand that bad people lie so if they were told not to tell because the bad person would do bad things then it's still okay to tell. They needs to know what not to do with starngers. Adults should never ask children for help, teach your child that it's okay to tell people no even adults, You wouldn't want them lured in a car or house by "helping". Teach them that it's okay to shout no and scream if they are scared ot if somebody is trying to make them do something they shouldn't. There are many ways to keep your children safe but teaching them that everybody is a stranger takes away alot of options for help when they need it. Teach them personal space instead. Teach them that everybody has a little space around them that should not be invaded unless told it's okay to do so or if you know them well enough to. He can learn to be friends and maintain that space. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

If I had a child I would say, "Why don't you love on me instead of him or her." in a sad voice until he or she stops.

Answer 4

Most children grow out of this. You could try a personal restraint in public, but I personally think that this is to restrictive for spirited children. Other than that alot of talking to him and alot of stern NOs might help.

Answer 5

This is normal toddler behaviour and he will grow out of it. The best thing to do is to say gently but firmly something like 'I dont think that lady/man/child wants a cuddle right now Fred' and detach him from them and move away. Most adults dont actually mind this,from my experience. I certainly dont, but I always tell the child to go back to their parent if it happens. He is too young to explain about 'strangers' yet and in any case he is not going to be out of your sight when you are out because of all the other dangers out there..cars for instance. However, from about this age I started to tell my boys that it was OK to talk to someone they didnt know as long as they were with an adult that they did know...so they could talk to a shop assisstant, bus driver or someone we met in the street or a queue as long as they were holding the hand of the adult they were with. You can just say at this stage that some adults may be cross or not friendly but if he is with Mummy/Daddy they will look after him.

About school age is when I started to reinforce the stranger thing. My youngest is 5 and just beginning to get the hang of it. Also a friendly, confident child he is hapy to talk to anyone and so far his response is to say that 'When you have said hello then you arent strangers any more'! But he does, on the whole, ask me if its ok to talk to someone.

Just a by the way really..All my boys wear plastic I.D bracelets if we are out in public anywhere they might wander off. These have my mobile no. on but not their names and in the case of the older 2 the fact that they have autism so will not speak to anyone they dont know even if they need help. It doesnt stop them wandering but at least i know that I can be contacted if necessary. Its not an answer but it helps. You can get them in Boots or on line.

Dont curb your son's happy relaxed outlok on life. just make sure you are around to guide and support him and he will learn soon that not everyone likes to be hugged. His natural self conciousness will eventually kick in and this behaviour will disappear.

Answer 6

Don't curb your sons friendliness but try to get him to come to you first to ask if its ok to approach a particular person. You would then have control over who gets the cuddle and who doesn't and you will be in a position to watch making sure your child is safe.

Answer 7

use a child lead like a dog

Answer 8

It may not be the best solution but maybe you can get one of those harness things so he can't just run up to people without you letting him go over. He's too young for you to try and explain the stranger thing to him yet.

Answer 9

It's a normal action at that age. It means he's happy and secure. He'll learn. Just keep an eye on him, or use a leash.

One of my nieces loved young men with moustaches - she would throw herself into their arms if I was carrying her and got close enough. It didn't matter: grocery clerk, policeman, random guy with moustache was attractive to her.

If you want to think of embarrassing ... I saw one toddler escape his parents, run across the room and grab the Dalai Lama in a big bear hug around the knees. His Holiness laughed. Apparently children do that to him frequently.

Answer 10

he will grow out of it very soon,and while you are with him it will do no harm ,just take him away and tell him no they dont want a cuddle

Answer 11

Go to any bookstore and get a book for toddlers regarding "stranger danger".  They help explain to the little ones a very difficult subject.  He will grow out of it, but you can help by getting the adult he is allowed to hug to tell him how sweet his hugs are, but they are for people that he knows only.  Better to be safe than sorry.  Let him know when he hugs strangers that you are not happy with that behavior.  I had a child on a milk carton once.  She was a 15 yr old runaway.  She was missing two months.  We got her back.  We were one of the lucky ones.  Good luck.