How do I stop smothering my partner?

Question

My partner is overseas... I thought I conquered my jealousy b/c i seemed to be controlling it for a week & everytime my partner & I spoke, he was so loving! Today he told me I was smothering him again! Help!! What does it mean to be smothing someone? How do I control it??

Answer 1

Call Laura Slessenger for advice!

Answer 2

Honesty.  Tell him how you feel.

Answer 3

It means that maybe you're calling him too much.  Being overseas is tiring.  It's hot and he's busy all day.  Plus the  time over there is opposite to ours.  When it's day here, it's night there.  So, if he's tired or cranky that's probably why.  Just leave him be.  Only call him like once a week or less.  Or let him call you.  Just remember that no one has a right to treat you like c**p.  (No matter how hot they are.)

Answer 4

I'm kind of going through this too with someone I've had a love interest in for seven years.  He sees other people and it bothers me but we still love eachother.  I think the smothering thing means you need to find comfort in yourself.  It's like almost pretending you're single again.  Being in a relationship really shouldn't be a stereotypical 'I can't live without seeing, talking, thinking about you'. You did all those things before you met him just fine or at some point in your life you were a completely happy whole person without a need for another person in your life.  You need to be just like that again to keep your beautiful self because you are beautiful.  It's the strangest thing in people but being independent and strong is very desirable.  When your mate becomes dependent they become smothering and less attractive...it's just the way we work.  I think that is a huge challenge it's like being very good friends with someone and not being in this stupid thing called a relationship.  All these silly labels just to define how somebody should walk and talk to another person it's rediculous.  If somebody or something is causing you pain you need to elimate the cause to get rid of the effect.  It could be just temporary until you figure out what the real cause of the pain between you two is.  I have yet to figure it out completely but I've found myself beating myself up and over thinking things too.  All I can tell you is cause and effect it's pretty simple...Number one thing though is communication and what you want out of all this...I hope that helped.  Love is pain, sometimes you need to forget to remember why you wanted it to start with.

Answer 5

Find a partner who wants to be smothered with your love and kindness.

Answer 6

How often do you talk? Are you demanding in your questions of what hes been doing? Do you say I'm sorry or I love you excessively in your conversations? Over the phone most of the time its the tone of your voice that bothers the other person...Maybe talk on the phone only once or twice a week and email the rest, no more then one a day unless something important happens...

Answer 7

Your relationship is on the rocks by the read of it.

Answer 8

Cheat on him.

Answer 9

how exactly are you "smothering" someone 3000 miles away? i think your friend needs to be asked what is going on. it sounds to me like a little hanky panky could be going on overseas.

Answer 10

Has he done something to make you not trust him?  If he has, then he is getting what he deserve.  If he cheat on you or make you feel insecure, then he have no room to complain.  To be honest, you cannot smother someone who live overseas.  He is trying to break up with you. I think you need to stop calling and let him call you when he feel he can breathe again.

Answer 11

It sounds like you need a hobby or just some good friends to go around with and talk. If you don't have a lot of free time to sit around and obsess about what he's doing it helps and talking to good friend who can tell you when your being irrational about you thoughts that always helps too.If you don't get to talk that often and every time you do you asking about where he's been who he's with then that gets old and can push a person away. Trust in any relationship is extremely important.

Answer 12

he wants to be free overseas. don't be the anxiously waiting home team while he plays broads abroad.

Answer 13

give him space- be less available to him

Answer 14

d**n woman it means you need to lay off a bit.  Less phone calls, less e-mails, that sort of thing.  If he's still loving when you talk then theres no reason for jealousy.  Controlling it? You can control it by hanging out with your friends, talking to family, starting a hobby, things along those lines.  If its really bad perhaps therapy is the way to go.

Answer 15

You didn't give a whole lot of detail of why he thought this.   Are you asking or accusing him of cheating?  Is it just that you call him alot?  I would explain that you miss him immensely.  I would concentrate on taking care of yourself, to make a better you, for when the time he comes home, you will be the best you can be.  Best of luck!

Answer 16

jealousy comes from insecurity, so work on your self esteem and don't worry about him while he's over seas.

Don't ask him about other girls or what he does while he's over there. Just be yourself, not the insecure self that you're being now. Just tell him how you feel from your heart when you talk with him but before you talk with him next why not journal about why you feel so jealous and what would happen if he did cheat. Let go of the baggage you have cos you'll loose him if you don't. that is a guarantee!

Answer 17

It means you're to needy for his likings. Just break up with him. He'll miss you.

Answer 18

Take the pillow off his head?

Seriously ... ask him just WHAT you are doing that smothers him.  You don't know - so you're asking US?  Why not him?

Answer 19

Means you over do it when you tell him you love him, miss him, want him so on! I'm sure he knows!  

Answer 20

WELL I F HE WERE  HERE I WOULD SAY IT MEANS HE DOESNT WANT U AROUND HIM SO MUCH,,BUT U SAY HES OVER SEAS,,,I WOULD THINK HE DOESNT WANT TO TALK TO U SO MUCH,,WHY NO TRY WRITING HIM A NICE LONG LETTER N PUT YOUR PERFUME ALL OVER IT,,,N TRY  NOT TO CALL HIM FOR AT LEAST 3DAYS.CAUSE U CAN MAKE HIM RUN INTO SOMEONE ELSES ARMS I F U TRY TO SMOTHER HIM TO MUCH,,,PEACE