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How do I stop worrying about alcoholic ex? How do I let go?

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I recently got engaged to a man who i worked with for almost 2 years, he offered me the world, he had all the lines, all the right words, the right answers, said everything i wanted to hear all of the time and most of all was loving, affectionate and he made me feel like a princess.

He was fun, bright, intelligent, very very intelligent, deep, and so committed to me it was unreal. We eventually moved in together and it was perfect, the happiest i'd ever been in my life... then the job got too much. He started drinking a lot, and eventually got signed off for stress... which gave him 2 weeks to drink solidly, i'd often come home from work to an empty flat, with an empty bottle of vodka or brandy on the floor and he'd only turn up the next evening. This wasn't my fiance, the guy i fell in love with. He became rude and sometimes very insulting. He'd sleep if he couldn't drink and only wake if drink was involved. I was finding bottles of vodka behind the toilet, and he'd often be drunk by 11am. when it was time for him to return to work, he was too drunk and he didn't bother, this was over a week ago and he lost the job. I hardly recognise him anymore. I tried everything, i took his money and cards before i went to work, but he still managed to get the drink. I begged, I pleaded, i took him to hospital on 2 occasions, but nothing.

I said i'd go councelling, i offered AA, however as i started to become in the way of the drink, he left me 2 weeks ago, he chose that over me. He returned to his parents, although he's a 32 year old male, and he's not been sobar since. He's putting his parents through h**l, he's drank away the money we shared and his own and left me with the flat, that i can't afford alone, all the bills and the joint loan of £8.5k. The bank have said i'm responsible for the loan as he's uncontactable and unemployed, I'm not receiving a penny and he's too drunk to realise what he's doing to me and how much sh*t he's put on me.

Although the whole world tells me he's a complete sh*t, and want me to hate him, I can't. I love him so much and knowing he's doing this to himself is destroying me. I tried to take my own life on Sunday as I can't bare it anymore, he's lost everything and the pain of losing him and knowing he's killing himself made me want to end my own life. I was hospitalized and only allowed out on Tuesday. I'm currently undergoing home treatment, however think of him every minute of everyday wondering how drunk he is, what state he is and just how unhappy he is. He is unhappy. I know he is. I can tell, he tells me he can't take anymore. He was taken to Whipps Cross Hospital last week for an overdose as he's had enough. When he calls me he's drunk, he cries tells me he loves me so much but can't be wiht me because he'll destroy me... god i want the man back that i fell in love and got engaged to.

If i could have one wish in the world, it would be for him to get better. I pray all the time he'll help himself... how can I get over him and move on wiht my life? right now i'm not living i'm existing, thinking of him, wishing i was wiht him and that everything was okay.

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  1. Wow that is a really sad story I am sorry to hear it. I recently broke up with my ex after living with three years of him doing drugs and wasting his life. Every day i told my self he would change back to who he was the first year but it never happened. No words can make you feel better but just try to tell yourself that that man is gone and even if he comes back it might just be a temporary cange. Everyone feels hopeless and goes through a period of insanity after a great loss and most people do get over it. Just try and keep busy and read a lot. reading is the absolute best thing to get your mind off things and it gives you ideas and hope for your life. Being alone is the worst thing to do right now so seek out help form friends and family and if they aren't good enough get some professional help which can give you the tools and advice you will need to heal from this. The way you wrote it makes it seem like this all happened very quickly like in a matter of a couple of months which sounds like he has some serious mental health issues.


  2. I have lived in almost the exact same boat for years now.  My husband is into meth.  he dries out for a few days and as soon as we come up with an extra 20 or i have 20 in my purse i forgot to hide he is high and up for days.  I knkow 20 is NOT enough but some times he needs no money and can stay high a week.  He can't hold a job when i get tierd of it all i think of ending it but i think of my family.  no matter how many times i keep thinking that this is the last time and he can see the pain he is putting on me.  I work 1 fft and 2 pt jobs and i cant keep the bills up and i spend every day praying he gets help. i too make excuses for him. du they are unhappy they need help we cant make them get better.  we cant hold their hand 24 hours a day.  as a matter of fact that is why i started coming on here. to hear other issues and take my mind off my disaster of a life.  I know what it is like to worry they will go to far that they will be dead when we get home. but we can not add to our loved ones pain by taking our own life.  WE EXSIST WE DEAL, WE GO ONE MINUTE TO THE NEXT WE PRAY WE HOPE WE MISS THE OLD HIM WE FELL IN LOVE WITH BUT WE CAN NOT SAVE THEM FROM THEMSELVES.  WHEN DO WE MOVE ON HOW DO WE LET GO.  YOU START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IF HE MAKES IT THROUGH THIS WONDERFULL IF THEY DONT WE CANT MAKE THEM BE OK.

    IM SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN

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