I recently got engaged to a man who i worked with for almost 2 years, he offered me the world, he had all the lines, all the right words, the right answers, said everything i wanted to hear all of the time and most of all was loving, affectionate and he made me feel like a princess.
He was fun, bright, intelligent, very very intelligent, deep, and so committed to me it was unreal. We eventually moved in together and it was perfect, the happiest i'd ever been in my life... then the job got too much. He started drinking a lot, and eventually got signed off for stress... which gave him 2 weeks to drink solidly, i'd often come home from work to an empty flat, with an empty bottle of vodka or brandy on the floor and he'd only turn up the next evening. This wasn't my fiance, the guy i fell in love with. He became rude and sometimes very insulting. He'd sleep if he couldn't drink and only wake if drink was involved. I was finding bottles of vodka behind the toilet, and he'd often be drunk by 11am. when it was time for him to return to work, he was too drunk and he didn't bother, this was over a week ago and he lost the job. I hardly recognise him anymore. I tried everything, i took his money and cards before i went to work, but he still managed to get the drink. I begged, I pleaded, i took him to hospital on 2 occasions, but nothing.
I said i'd go councelling, i offered AA, however as i started to become in the way of the drink, he left me 2 weeks ago, he chose that over me. He returned to his parents, although he's a 32 year old male, and he's not been sobar since. He's putting his parents through h**l, he's drank away the money we shared and his own and left me with the flat, that i can't afford alone, all the bills and the joint loan of £8.5k. The bank have said i'm responsible for the loan as he's uncontactable and unemployed, I'm not receiving a penny and he's too drunk to realise what he's doing to me and how much sh*t he's put on me.
Although the whole world tells me he's a complete sh*t, and want me to hate him, I can't. I love him so much and knowing he's doing this to himself is destroying me. I tried to take my own life on Sunday as I can't bare it anymore, he's lost everything and the pain of losing him and knowing he's killing himself made me want to end my own life. I was hospitalized and only allowed out on Tuesday. I'm currently undergoing home treatment, however think of him every minute of everyday wondering how drunk he is, what state he is and just how unhappy he is. He is unhappy. I know he is. I can tell, he tells me he can't take anymore. He was taken to Whipps Cross Hospital last week for an overdose as he's had enough. When he calls me he's drunk, he cries tells me he loves me so much but can't be wiht me because he'll destroy me... god i want the man back that i fell in love and got engaged to.
If i could have one wish in the world, it would be for him to get better. I pray all the time he'll help himself... how can I get over him and move on wiht my life? right now i'm not living i'm existing, thinking of him, wishing i was wiht him and that everything was okay.
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