How do I survive losing my best friend, my husband, to cancer in six months time? (two weeks ago)?

Question

We found out he had this in February and he died on Aug. 8. I don't know how to keep going without my love of 34 years. We are both 55.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your loss, I've said a prayer for you. I can't speak from personal experience of losing a partner but I hope you reach out to friends and family for support. I know when people I love lose someone I am often at a loss about what to do, but if they asked for anything I would be there to listen, play games, or go out, whatever they wanted. My boyfriend's mother lost her husband 20 years ago (he was her soulmate), she has surrounded herself with lady friends...they lunch, shop, go to plays etc. Once a year she hosts a hat party, this year there were 40 ladies...it just keeps growing every year. She turned 87 in April. She wrote her memoirs and she's also told me this story...About 30 years ago she had a heart arrest in a restaurant and a doctor in the restaurant had to pound on her chest to save her. She had the whole "White Light" experience and said she does not fear death because she knows what's awaiting her. I think that is why she is so patiently waiting to be reunited with lost loved ones and is really just having fun while she is still here. I hope her story gives you hope. I hope it will not be long before you are laughing again with friends and raising a glass with a smile on your face, entering this new chapter of your life. He will be smiling when that happens :o) Take care

Answer 2

Sorry for your loss...

By no means, is it easy. We must go through the grieving stage though. Asking and talking, as your doing is part of the process. With the help of family and close friends, we get through. When you feel comfortable enough, try and get back into a routine, whether its work or getting up and getting out and about. Take one day at a time, you'll be able to manage. Hang in there.

Best of luck to you,  ;-)

Answer 3

Never let it go... smile when you think about him, don't cry... he wouldn't want you to. Live on strong in his memory, and allow yourself to heal. Even if you can't physically touch him, you're minds can connect. Meditation, and praying helps. A lot of people talk about religion like it's a crazy thing, but in the end it's the people who displace their grieving, and realize there is a place beyond earth, that cope with the pain easier, and allow themselves to move on faster. There is nothing wrong with keeping him alive in your mind, and actions. Just know he never leaves your side, even as lonely, and as sad as you may feel. Always feel the love between you too, and press on being the strong woman that you know you are!

Answer 4

I am so sorry that you lost your husband, I understand that the night times would be so lonely and sad. I hope you get some comfort in knowing that even strangers like us are thinking of you.

Please be strong, or weak, whichever mood takes you xxxx

We all have struggles in our lives and listening to your story makes my troubles a little less serious. Take Care x*x

Answer 5

I was just pondering how a couple, in my neighborhood, would survive the lose of their daughter, 3, who drowned, yesterday.  Then I saw your question.  I don't think there are any good answers.  I've spent all day, and some of last night, wondering, what could have been done to prevent this from happening.  Then, I hope that there is a god, so that there will be that time that this family can spend together again.  And I wonder, how anyone can get over the pain of a loss like this.  So, I've come to the conclusion that you spend time feeling the loss, you remember the person, you focus on taking care of yourself, and you live the best life you can, in memory of this person.  Maybe, in that way, you can continue to live and you continue to honor their memory.  The person, that you lost, would have wanted it this way, don't you think?

Answer 6

i know what you feels. but you have to move on. give it to god all your sorrows. i know you can make it.

Answer 7

I've lost a spouse, and it isn't easy to adjust.

Visit your local hospital for a support group for bereavement counseling.

It is hard to get going, but once you do, you will see a benefit from talking with others in the same boat.

It makes for a nice support group until you can get your feet under you again.

My sincere condolences.

Answer 8

sorry for your loss.........

physically he is gone, still, you will always carry the memories of him in your heart,

think of all the good things you shared, be grateful for them, cry when you need to, do not isolate yourself.......the pain will always be just beneath the surface..........

may God give you strength

Answer 9

Often funeral homes have names of support groups for people who are going through the same thing. I feel so sorry for you and can only imagine your pain.Maybe this would help a bit. Do you have family or friends that will lend you a shoulder to cry on, listen to you, help you in anyway.34 years of memories together, how beautiful. I am sure he is watching over you. God bless .

Answer 10

Nobody's gone unless you've forgotten about them.

Answer 11

I am so sorry about what happened. But I know that he would want you to be happy. Losing someone is tough. Nothing loved is every truly lost... and pain is a small price to pay for memories.  

Answer 12

I know it sounds corny, but join a support group - it really will help.  There are people out there who can relate to exactly what you're going through, and help you in your healing process.  Otherwise turn to your loved ones - close friends, family, children.  They are probably all grieving just as you are.  You must be hurting so badly and my thoughts are with you.. On the positive side you are still relatively young and I'm sure you'll be able to rebuild your life eventually, just give it some time. x*x