How do I talk my sister out of getting married and ruining her life?

Question

She's 18 (my twin) and only ever had one boyfriend and they've been together for like 4 or 5 months, but now they plan on moving in together and eventually getting married, even though they aren't good for each other.

He's rude and disrespectful to not only my sister, but to me and the rest of my family. In fact, he's not allowed in our house.

Does anyone know how I could talk her out of marrying him? She has really low self estem and she thinks she'll never get anyone better, but at the same time she's content with settling.

Answer 1

You can't...it's her decision, not yours. Just try to be as supportive as possible. Tell her how you feel, but try not to start an argument. Good Luck!

Answer 2

You know what sweetie.  You don't talk her out of marrying him.  You support her in her decision, since even though she's only 18, she is an adult.  If you try to talk her out of being with him, all you will wind up doing is alienating yourself from her, and from the way you describe her life with him, there's going to come a time in the future when she's going to need you.  You've seen for yourself what happens when you try to talk someone out of being with their boyfriend/girlfriend--you usually get the opposite result of what you're wanting.  

What I suggest you do is to back off, as hard as that sounds to do, it's what you have to do.  The more you try to talk her out of this guy, the more you're going to push her right towards him.  Reassure your sister that your concern is only for her and for her happiness, and if this guy makes her happy, then that's all you ask for.  Only thing is, you've got to mean it.  Support your sister, and let her know that you'll be there for her whenever she needs you.  By keeping the communication lines between you and your sister open, and by supporting her right to make her own decisions, you'll leave her open to the idea of coming to you if/when the you-know-what hits the fan.  The last thing you want to have happen is for her to possibly be in an abusive relationship, but feel she has no one she can turn to.  

I wish you and your sister all the best.

Answer 3

You need to just tell her how you feel and that you want to see her happy and that she deserves better. But has she actually said out of her own mouth that she's unhappy? Because if you're just assuming all of this, maybe she really is happy. I mean, you're not with them all the time. But she needs to understand your opinion of this guy. You guys are sisters, and she should think that your opinion is important to her.

Answer 4

You have the right to tell her how you feel about it but only she can change her own mind. Just be there for her if and when she needs you. If you push the issue with her, you might end up pushing her away. You need to tread carefully in a situation like this. Best of luck.

Answer 5

I'm assuming they haven't picked a date since you said "eventually" getting married

Don't worry, she will move in with him and realize it sucks. The first time they have a fight in their own place and one of them won't have their own space to run off to for a bit, she will realize it is terrible. And she will eventually get tired of having to do EVERYTHING herself with a rude and disrespectful man hanging around her.  

Answer 6

How far away is eventually?  To be honest with you, the best way to do it is to very clearly tell her that you think she can do better than him (this should be short- try to do it lovingly and not in a rant that will make her defensive).  Then, tell her that you will support her no matter what she decides (you're her sister!), and drop the subject.  Ultimately, this is a decision she has to make on her own.

Answer 7

It's not your place.

We all want to protect our loved ones from their mistakes but sometimes, we just have to let them fall. It will be hard, and painful, but you can't predict the future either.

You mention you have already voiced your concerns, so all you can really do now is be there for her, and sit back an hope for the best. Bashing him will get you no where fast also.

Let her know you may not agree with the decision but you love her unconditionally and will always have her back. That's what sisters do, just be grateful you have one at all.  

Answer 8

Best thing for you to do is stay out of it and let her found out the hard way.

Answer 9

the focus should be on how to get her to realize her worth not necessarily on how to break her and her boy up or convince her not to marry.

in my family we have family meetings for so many things and especially interventions. its a chance for everyone to express their concern. it will give her a lot to think about; hopefully helping to remind her how wonderful she is and how she would want the support of her family so rushing a relationship would not get family support. are there any examples of relationships that didnt work out because they were rushed that may convince her like a close family member or friend. hopefully ur parents modeled good marital behavior which should remind her of the kinds of guys she should be saving herself for instead of settling for less.

its hard when you have low self esteem because she feels she has no options. i was in her position. sometimes you just have to fall down but just cuz they are moving in together doesnt mean they will get married right away. soon those endorphins will get lower and lower and she will start thinking logically and intellectually instead of with her hormones. by living with him maybe she will see just how aweful he is and ask herself if she really wants to endure that forever. i dont think she is doomed. i think in time she will see reality.

Answer 10

You have tried talking with her now its time to back away.

You could tell her that you will stand behind her no matter what and you will be there for her and you love her.

She has to make this choice on her own.  If they do get married and things go bad BE THERE FOR HER don't say I knew this would happen.

Answer 11

k, i know this might seem kinda crazy but i've seen this show its called parent control. so basically the girl or guy has a bf/gf who's a complete ***/pig/ or just flat out disrespecting. on the show both parents interview about twenty girls/guys and ask anything they want. then both mom and dad choose a person who get s to go out with their son/daughter. at the end of both dates the son/daughter gets to choose if their currents bf/gf is staying or they're going with some1 their parents opicked out.

yea this seems a little crazy but it just might work. or just act like u like the guy and wen ur sister sees that she doesnt have too fight u guys she'll see that he's trash. good-luck