How do I talk to my mom about this?? Please help!

Question

I already posted this, but I don't feel like I got a really good answer. So....

This past year has been really rough for me. My parents separated, got back together, and then separated again. I've been thrown in 50 million directions and I somehow ended up living at my grandmother's house with my mom and brother. I went to four different schools last year, which was really stressful because I have social anxiety, which is really hard to explain...if you don't know what it is, look at this, please: http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html

Anyway, I just moved in with my grandparents a few months ago and there's been a lot going on. We haven't managed to get a psychologist for me yet because things have been so hectic, and I don't think I can face going to school. I know the feeling of going to a new school, and I don't think I can ever face it again. I need a lot of help beforehand or I'll be having a lot of panic attacks during school. It's the same school I went to last year for about a month, but for some reason that puts even more stress on me because I KNOW how the girls are in my school...judgmental, bitchy, and they all look like clones. I tried sitting with some of them and they ignored me the whole time. I don't fit in with ANYONE.

Anyway, this is really long, sorry, lol. But what I'm trying to say is from my experience, it'll be no different this year. I need to let go of all this emotional stress (plus I just got over a really horrible depression, and may be slipping into it again). I want to be home schooled for the school year because I need to get better, no questions asked. I'm completely sure I want to do this. The only thing I'm stuck on is how I'm going to talk to my mom about this. She can be very understanding, but at the same time she's opinionated and argues a lot. I need to start this conversation in a good way so she doesn't take it the wrong way. Please help me!! Thank you so much..this was probably confusing as h**l.

Answer 1

Well first start by telling your mom that you have had a really rough time and you need time to recuperate. Then tell her that you've thought about this really deeply and that you think you should be home schooled this next year because of what has happened.

And if she says no right away, tell her that it would even help the two of you bond and become closer. And you might want to make sure that once you do see a psychiatrist they are allowed to prescribe you medication. Because I have severe depression, and very bad social anxiety, and I got on medication for it last august, and my life has been so much easier. As for panic attacks, I have had those pretty bad in the past, and I asked for meds for it, and you are supposed to take them as soon as you have you're panic attack, and it really settles you down.

But the only downside to taking anti-depressants is that you get hooked on them, and if you forget to take them for a day, or longer you'll go through withdrawals. They can get really brutal and you could end up violently vomiting. And the downside to most medications you can get for panic attacks is that they put you to sleep.

Mine doesn't, but I honestly dont know the name of it, but I know someone else that takes the same thing, and it will make her fall right to sleep.

Answer 2

Do you really think that homeschooling is the best answer?  I understand about your anxiety - I've had friends who have suffered from similar problems.  I felt pretty nervous going away to university - I knew one guy at the school I chose and he happened to think I was the scum of the earth.

My problem with your solution, though, is that it doesn't seem like you are dealing with the issues.  You're sort of more avoidin them.  By staying home you don't have to deal with people, don't have the stress.  But you're also isolatin yourself.  And when you have to go into the working world and have to deal more closely with people you'll be just as worried and stressed out.  It's a temporary fix.  One of the biggest issues people have with homeschooling is how it can prevent kids from having excellent social skills - that's why they have organized home school field trips and lots of parents try to get their kids to join community things - so they can get the interaction.  Sounds like you don't want to interact at all.

You sat with one group of girls - maybe you should try some other people - there are bound to be people with similar problems.  At the beginning of a new school year there are bound to be other new students struggling to find their place and make friends.  It sucked more last year because you'd been dropped into a place where the relationships had already been formed.

Homeschooling can also be expensive.  Your mother would be taking on a big responsibility too, because she'd be responsible for your education.

I really think you should talk to a psychologist about it before you make a decision, but you say you haven't found one yet, so that's not really an option.

If you really think it's the best option then I think sitting down with your mom one on one, when you can have her full attention and she's not in a bad or emotional place (sounds like she's been through the wringer too) and tell her "I don't think I'm ready to go back to school.  Last year was really draining on me, I'm not ready to try and make friends.  I'd like to try homeschooling or a correspondance school.  I'd be more comfortable with it."

If you do go for homeschooling I think you need to make a serious effort to get involved with other activities and make friends.  You're only young once - you deserve to have some fun after the dreadful year you've had.  It would also likely help you learn to deal with your anxiety.

Anyway, you do have some time to think about it - school doesn't start for another few weeks at least.

Answer 3

Have you talked to your mom about these social anxieties and how you feel about going back to a school where you feel you are being judged by everyone?  No parent wants to hear their child say these things.  I certainly know I don't ever want to hear my daughter say things like that.  So, because of that, she might be willing to compromise with you.

Do your research and find some options that you could live with (different homeschool programs, online programs, etc) and present them to her.  Now, she may have very good reasons for wanting you in a public school.  Listen to her side of it too.  See if you can make a compromise.

I have social anxiety too on top of being blind, so I understand your pain.  I also have a lot of issues with not fitting in.  Wanna know what I did?  Started getting involved and speaking up anyway.  I've made a few friends along the way and people have started to figure out that I am an individual with ideas, thoughts, feelings and all that instead of just being someone to judge or make fun of.

Pray about it and see where the Lord directs you.  You might also want to stress that your family finds a therapist.  This sounds like something you absolutely need.  Jot just for the schooling issues, but for the state your family is in as well.

God bless you, sweetheart.

Answer 4

Relax...take a deep breath. Maybe do a little research about home schooling and about online education (very popular where I live) and have that info and then say mom I need to talk to you about something that is really bothering me or show her a printed copy of your question. Your mom may be worried about the new school year too! If you have info about the other options then maybe you can really talk about it.  

Now, your mom may want you to be in a regular structured school environment so that it is easier for the school psychologist to help you and for you to be sort of forced into working through your social anxiety issues.  

Answer 5

you not fitting and getting a case of APD is normal for a kid who's had to switch schools so often.  Home school will bandaid the situation because you will become even more anxious around people and that is NOT GOOD once you have to face the real world. I would say work through this with a counselor at the most concentrated place of people during your young age so that your skin will toughen.

TRUST me its better now than later.

Answer 6

you need to sit down w/ you mom and have a seiruos conversation with her

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 7

just sit your mom down and tell her how you feel.  im sorry i cant help that much good luck

Answer 8

tell her everything u just told us

Answer 9

get a job :) iy will help

Answer 10

I totally feel for you.  I also suffer from anxiety/panic attacks.  It was so bad at one time that I couldn't even leave my house.  The most ideal thing would be to see a psychiatrist not a psychologist.  (Psychiatrist can prescribe meds psychologists cannot) Unfortunately like in my case they can be very pricey if your insurance does not cover them and it takes a long time to get an appointment with them.  I went to my family doctor.  Like a psychiatrist, they can prescribe something to help with the panic.  I take prozac and it works great!  I had to take a couple medicines before I got on Prozac and the doctor had to adjust the doses, but I have been on it almost 10 years now and it works great.  There is help out there and you will get better.  It is difficult for others to understand what you are going through. Always remember that it is NOT your fault.  Panic/anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain.  Good Luck!!