How do I talk to my mom about this...?

Question

As a kid, my mom had a hyperactive thyroid, along with numerous unknown health problems that made her really cranky. Sometimes she was a little on the abusive side, and now she's on meds and stuff and is very remorseful about being so rough on us when we were little. But I have issues about remembering chores because she used to think she had given me a chore to do that she never actually mentioned, and then yell at me when I told her she hadn't said a word about it. So now, she still gets irritated with me when she forgets to tell me about certain chores or she tells me at 5am when I'm not really conscious. She tries to be polite about it, but it just hits a nerve on me when she rags me about unknown chores, because I remember how she acted when I was little about that stuff. She wonders why it bothers me so much and she thinks it's because I'm lazy but I'm afraid to tell her I've got issues because of what she did back then. Should I even be telling her? It would just hurt her to know that what she did is still effecting me. But every time she brings it up, it just makes me remember back when....

Answer 1

Well, at least you know  your mother has a medical excuse...but you still don't deserve to be treated that way. Yes, she is your mother, and you need to respect her. Some parents like this don't have ears to listen though. I guess the best you can do is tell her you need to talk, and hope that the right words come out...not accusing her...but tell her how you feel when she ( fill in the blank).  

Answer 2

I often advise people to write notes to their relatives about these kinds of matters because words sometimes get in the way and tempers flare; also people later say, "you NEVER told me that!" Maybe they didn't even hear in the height of the argument. When you write, all those problems are eliminated. Write your Mom and tell her your issues quite clearly and let the chips fall where they may. It's better for her to hurt now than for ongoing tension to keep festering because of unspoken hurt and pent up emotions. After she reads your letter, she may actually call you for a little heart -to-heart talk which may be awkward at first, then grow more comfortable, ending up in a long girl-talk. Go for it and best wishes!