How do I talk to my sister about this?

Question

My sister and her BF are going to be renting a house not far from mine and sending her daughter to my daughter's school. She asked if she could drop my niece off at my house before school as my sister starts work at 6am and then we take them both to school. I have no problems with this as I think my niece needs more attention than my sister gives her and she loves seeing my children. HOWEVER, instead of picking my niece up from school afterwards (my sis is off in time to pick her up), she's paying for after school care so that she doesn't have to get my niece until 6 at the latest. I personally think my sister needs to change her hours to be with her daughter more (and has the capability to do it). The little one is up before 5 every morning for school because 'mom likes getting off early' and then she's left at school until sometimes nearly six!!! My sister is not an easy person to talk to and when 'confronted' about things will deny access for the family to see her daughter. HELP!

Answer 1

Well, that's kind of hard to answer because any decision you choose is going to hurt our niece in a way. Because if you choose to talk to your sister she will deny the child to see her family, but, if you don't talk to her the child going to have difficulty talking to her mother, listening to her, or telling her when somethings wrong with her because her mother hardly spends time with her. So, what I'm trying is to say just be there for her when that time comes because she going to need someone there for her. Hopes this help you.

Answer 2

Hmm how old is the niece? I kinda understand your sister, I did the same thing at the request of my daughter, she loved staying late to play with the other kids. And this gave me time to clean the house, cook dinner, and run errands. I think its okay as long as the girl is not hurt by this. I wouldn't mention it to your sister, unless you really think its a problem and its hurting your niece.

Answer 3

well this is tough it sounds to me like your sister either isnt ready to be a mommy or has a hard time dealing with stress....i think you definately need to try and sit down and talk with her maybe out to lunch??? and if that fails try writting her a leter as that is an easy way to get out all your feelings, she may be mad at first and she may like you said threaten to deny your family of seeing her daughter but i think ultimately it will help her realize that she isnt spending alot of time with her daughter and hopefully help her change her ways.  

Answer 4

Right or wrong you cannot control your sister's behavior and confronting her may only create more family conflict and cause more division. Your sister may be doing the "best" she can although you may not think so. (How would you feel if you thought you were doing your best only to have family "criticize" your best efforts?). Raising children does not come with instructions although some of us are more mature than others. Unless there is child abuse or neglect, don't be so critical of your sister, no one is perfect.

Include, don't exclude, unite don't divide, be pro-active not re-active.Try having family functions ( special event parties, girls day, dinner, parks, etc.) that include both your sister and your niece. Look on the "Positive side" at least the child is supervised and has extended family to turn to, she's very lucky to have a wonderful Grandma and Auntie that care about her. When she grows up, she will "know" who's been there for her.

Answer 5

this is hard very hard does your sis know if not don't say anything.

if she does just explain what happened hm-mm maybe

Answer 6

I think you better not talk about it with her.  It's her kid and if her life so if she feels she wants some alone time until 6, that is her business.  You are agreeing to watch her kid in the morning and it shouldn't be contingent upon anything else going on in her life.  Either say yes or say no.

Answer 7

Two ways to look at this. I believe children need interaction with other children, after school care is not a bad thing. Although if I were the childs parent I would only do it a few times a week, and spend time with her the other days. She is not abusing the child so their isn;t much you can do except talk to her, stay calm, try to tell her in a way that doesn't make her feel like a bad parent. If this doesn't help, give her child as much attention as you can, she will need it. Maybe if your sister sees you being a better parent to her child than sshe is she will snap out of it.

Answer 8

I would straight up tell her how you feel bc this is your neice were talking about and shes your sis, she should atleast hear where youre coming from.

Answer 9

I would sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. Tell your sister that her daughter has made a lot of sacrifices (like waking up at 5) and the least she deserves is a little quality time with her mother. Tell her that she can deny your family to see her daughter and she can deny that she doesnt spend anytime with her daughter, but when her daughter is a teenager, she wont be able to deny it anymore. Tell her that it is perfectly okay if your neice is dropped off at your house in the morning, but having her stay at school until 6 when her mom is home and perfectly capable is ridiculus. Another good topic to talk about is her change in schedule. Talk to her about her schedule and how, while she does have to work, that she can also put some time (an hour or two) everyday to spend with her daughter. When you talk to her, look her straight in the eye with a clear voice. It makes you seem more confident. HOpe this HElps! Good Luck!

Answer 10

I don't know how you would go about telling your sister she needs to spend more time with her daughter but I feel so badly for that kid it kills me.  Some people just should not have children!  Thank God you are there for your niece!  She needs you!

Answer 11

tell her that her daughter needs her and if she doesnt get in gear, her daughter will soon hate her and reel. your sister needs to get in her place. she had enough time to party when she was young. now shes a mom. if she doesnt was to take that responsibility then she shouldn't have gotten knocked up.

Answer 12

Try to put it in a simple way. When talking to your sister you should start by talking about your daughter and how it's goods to be with her to make happy memories. Then tell her it be good if maybe she were to spend a bit more time with her daughter and then suggest an activity for all of you to go to over the weekend with your daughters. Show your sister what she is missing out on.

Answer 13

You need to tell her how you feel about it and if worse comes to worse, pick up your niece b/c that's horrible. I remember when my parents divorced I had before & after school care b/c my mom had to work a lot of hours. I hated it and she regrets not being able to get me.

Answer 14

I see nothing wrong with your sis allowing her daughter to go to an after school program, even if your sis if off work. She may simply need time to unwind after work before seeing the little one.

After school programs usually benefit the child too. I used to go to them all the time and I thought they were great.

I'd respect your sister's decision and intervene only if the little one is in danger. It's not your place to butt in otherwise.

Answer 15

She needs a new job. But if she can can rework her schedule, she should.

Maybe she isn't aware that not spending enough time with her child will have a negative impact on her child.

Try to talk to her. Atleast you would have tried..