How do I teach my 12 year old daughter to be assertive,stand up for herself, defend herself,know whn to say no

Question

to get her to change, i have tried talking to her, grounding her and nothing works. She is extremely shy and will not take initiative. She is a straight "A" student and is very intelligent in school matters.

Answer 1

I have the same problem, my daughters are 15 and 10.  I actually enrolled both of them in Karate, which they love so that is helping a lot and it gives me peace of mind to know that they will be able to defend themselves should the need arise.  I have my 10 year old in counseling, but she has panic attacks.  My 15 year old mentioned wanting to go, but I can't afford all of that.  So I am trying to guide her.  When I see her have no reaction to certain situations, or when she tells me about things that happen, I usually say "well you should have said...." or tell her what she should have done.  She said that her mind freezes, and she can't think to even respond to a comment.  I really don't know what else to do, other than to keep coaching her.

Answer 2

Wow....1.why would you ground your daughter for being herself?...and 2. why would you continuously try to change your daughter to suit your needs?

She obviously doesn't have the same temperament as her mother...and perhaps that's a good thing...you can't change someones entire personality...If your daughter is an introvert then let her be an introvert...she sounds like a perfect little girl, enjoy it...or you may just get what you wish for...to the extreme...keep it up and she'll start saying NO to you, asserting herself with you and defending everything she does with YOU!!!

Don't s***w this up...you only have one chance...don't make your daughter think that there is something wrong with her...

Answer 3

Have her take kickboxing classes. Encourage her to express her emotions, DON'T ground her for not being assertive. Why on earth would you do that?  That will only make things worse- you're basically saying that you can't accept the way she is.

Encourage her to make her own decisions, but start small. For example, start with what she wants for dinner. Then move up to what  humanitarian classes does she want to take next year, etc.

Answer 4

The earlier the better. But better now then never. How about martial arts and acting classes. Learning to see things from different point of views can help a lot to improve her awareness of who she can be herself

Answer 5

you have punished her for not standing up for herself and being assertive OK!! that is different:( why not put her in karate or something of that sort it will be good for her and build her cofidence :)

Answer 6

She is who she is. You can't force anyone to change. Once you begin accepting her for who she is the more likely she'll have the confidence to stand up for herself.

A more productive approach would be role play. You and she should brainstorm different situations that she might find herself in. Then you playact different approaches to handling the situation. It's sort of like practicing, which will make it easier for her when the situation really does occur.

Answer 7

Have her watch 12hours of the movie Domino that ill get the bad girl out of her.    

Answer 8

If she likes to read, get her books about assertive, famous women like Annie Oakley and Marie Currie.

Answer 9

She needs self esteem first....work on that with her.

Answer 10

Role play Is the best thing. Make up situations and see what your daughter does. You could even make a chart. So if she responds to the role play with the right awns er then you can put an x on the chart. Before hand decide on something that she wants to try to earn. Such as a new cd. Or this outfit that she could die for. Once you have the right amount of xs then get her what you decided on.

Answer 11

I know exactly where you're coming, my older daughter has been and still is very shy and very intelligent. I would advise having her involved in activities where she is in control and excels at doing it. Plus, you just need to talk to her and encourage her to stand up for herself at all times (without undermining authority of course). Don't belittle or punish for how she is by nature, it will just make her more insecure. Also, you have to trust her judgement in social and school situations and let her make mistakes (that's what life is all about). Moreover, be more than just a fly on the wall, talk to her with her friends and let them know how you feel about things, too. She will come around, she just needs time to grow up a little! Good luck!