How do I teach my PDD-NOS son, how to stand up for himself without encouraging violence?

Question

My sons name is Jake. He is very polite, opens doors for older ladies, calm, and very funny. Other children tend to gravitate towards him, I don't blame them because he doesn't judge. He also can't seem to tell when he is being picked on either. The other day there were two boys literally throwing him to the ground, taking turns, and it was obvous they were picking, but, because they were laughing he was unable to reconize that he was in danger. I had no choice but to intervene. Which of course only caused him to feel embarressed. He is nine years old, and about to enter grade 4. How do I teach him to reconize when he should walk away? Sometimes when he is playing with his basketball, they come and invite themselves to play with him. He doesn't know how to tell them he doesn't want to play with them. I've tried many different approaches, including acting out different situations. He is such a sweetheart, and pretty much all the kids want to play with him. But he becomes intimidated when there is a large amount of kids near him. One time I watched a boy punch himin the arm repeatedly, and he didn't know what to do about it. The boy thought it was the greatest thing, he never hit back. I told him to hit back. I know that was wrong, and he did hit back, the boy stopped hitting his arm. And hasen't tried that game since. And Jake hasen't hit anyone either, he doesn't like violence at all. I have no idea how to teach him these things, without telling him to fight back. Now I hope those that respond have a basic understanding of exactly what PDD is. Jake is very lucky in that respect, he is able to express himself, and reconize some feelings in others. When he feels overwelmed he is able to take a timeout, and if he can't he introverts. Sometimes he will willingly playwith other kids. But more often then not, he prefers to sit inside and play his video games.

So basically the major problem he has is standing up for himself, and reconizing when someone is picking on him as appose to playing a painfull game. I have read books to him, and like I stated above, acted out situations, even watched movies, and pointed out threatening expresions, and body language. I've even shown him vids on youtube, and asked him to tell me what he thinks, he does fairly well, but when it comes to using this knowledge, he freezes. Any thoughts? And please no rude comments. PDD is a mild form of Autism.

Answer 1

I agree with skittles.  When I was a kindergartener, I had a friend (I'm not sure if he was PDD, I was a kid), but he obviously couldn't stand up for himself, or get away from similar situations.  I would stand up for him, and watch his back.  

Answer 2

"I told him to hit back. I know that was wrong"

What makes you think that was wrong?  The world is not what we WANT it to be.  Violence is a reality, and pretending will not make it go away.  Some people can be reasoned with, some cannot, and wishing will not make it so.  For many, giving in to their violence only encourages MORE.  Failing to resist evil only increases evil.

Yes, it takes two to make a fight, but it only takes ONE to make a victim.

Why should your son be obligated to be a victim?

Answer 3

I also have a son (7) with PDD NOS, un fortunately there isn't much that you can do, except be there when other kids are picking on him. They don't know the difference that's the weakest part of these kids. They go off of facial expressions and if someone is laughing than they think that it is funny. Everytime I take my son to McDonald's to play I always have to tell some kids to leave my son alone. He'll come down crying because some kid had hit him. I think that time is the only thing our sons have. As they get older they'll learn how to defend themselves, if not that's what we're for. Mom's protecting our children.

Answer 4

Is there a way to get him a companion at school? In the school system where I live there are kids that have companions that stay with them through the day to help them with variouse things, academic or social because they just need a little extra help. I do not think that you will be able to teach your son to ever fight back, he sounds like a very gentle soul, and that is a great thing in this day and age, maybe not great for him because young kids are not taught to be as gentle these days as they should be, but you have a great son.

You might be able to contact the local school board and ask about this and see what they say.

Answer 5

Well in a way I would be proud he is a non violent person but I also understand if he gets in a serious position you want him to defend him self and not be taken advantage of. What I suggest thought is taking to learn jujitsu. The reasoning for that is because it a more or less a self defense that turns your attackers strength against then also its more or less grappling. So I think him learning this in only the means of self defense is the best thing also teach him the difference between playing and a bad situation so that he knows how to act appropriately.