How do I tell her that there is someone else?

Question

... that I have just met the most wonderful woman ever, even if it has only been a short while. My wife is a great person, does everything for me, gave me a great home. While we have had some great times together, but I just think we are very different people and as much as we try to work things out, there's always friction, and when there is, things hurt.

Recently, I met this other girl and we got along very well and I have been so much happier and want to tell my wife that I want to be with this girl. But I just don't know how to say it, or when. She is away traveling for a month, should I tell her on the phone or wait for her to come back. Should I see the other girl in the meanwhile or not?

Answer 1

Wow. How sad. No easy way to say it.

Look honey, you've given me a great home and sacraficed everything to make me happy but you are not wonderful enough for me. I found someone even more wonderful than you.

Things are very new with this new girl. Eventually you will hurt each other too. What a shame to throw away your marriage on a small fling. Fantasy is fun until it turns into the reality. When the new girl starts acting like a wife it will turn you off. For now she is fun.

I would say don't say anything. Get over your little crush and work on your marriage with your wife. Go to counseling before you let your little head do the thinking for the big head.  

Answer 2

you only know this new girl for a short period of time. while you are very happy now. Think of the long term. If you really like this other women.Than  

just tell your wife.

Answer 3

like soemone else said it . the grass always looks greener when you are on the other side of the fence . please tell her as soon as you can . she will know she married an a..hole . i can believe some men . hope you know the 80/20 rule. if you dont please go get that movie why did i get married form tyler perry and learn from it . leaving your wife which you have been content until you met this girl will be trading 80% of real happiness for 20%of it .  

Answer 4

Your wife is a great person who did everything for you and gave you a great home and this is how you're repaying her?  You are one ungrateful sob, I'll tell you that.  

Tell your wife when she gets back and be prepared for a divorce.  I can guarantee you, things with your new bimbo will end up just as difficult, if not more.

Answer 5

Leave used condoms on the bedside table.  She will catch your drift.

Answer 6

Don't tell her over the phone.  That's the worst thing that you can do.  I wouldn't like it personally.  Talk to her face to face, she'll take it better.  Don't get me wrong, it's going to be a very hard conversation, but face to face is the best way to go.

Answer 7

Look before you leap. You spoke well of your wife but you feel a new thrill with this new woman. I say ask the new woman for some time to sort things out with your wife. You don't want to ruin your mariage over a great infatuation. You haven't known the new woman very long (you said recently), so IMO she needs to be told that you have powerful feelings for her but you need to spend some time with your wife to assess just what this may mean for your mariage. Stop seeing her for the time being. Then see your wife, tell her you don't know why and you sure were NOT looking for someone but you met someone you are starting to have feelings for. Immediately tell her you stoped seeing her because your marriage means something to you and you want to try to work with her in therapy to figure this out. There will be tension in every relationship. So tell the new woman how you feel honestly but tell her that you respect marriage and if you two ever marry you would want her to have the confidence in you that you would not toss her over so quickly without looking into the marriage thoughtfuly. Assure her that if you leave the mariage you will look for her but don't be with two women at once. How would #2 ever be able to trust you and is it really fair to #1 to decide to cheat? Think of the most respectful, honest, good man you know and askyourself, what would HE do? (I like John Edwards, but let's not use that poor man as the model.)

Answer 8

How do I tell my spouse I want a divorce?

Usually by the time you initiate a divorce, you've already talked to your spouse to some degree about it. You've already made threats. You've already talked about we should get out of this. It often happens at the end of a fight or during a fight. What happens is, because people get scared, they often put it out there and then retract it. Often they will make up and so it will go away temporarily. Marriages that end in divorce usually have a history of conflict that builds over time where finally, when someone says I want out, the other person is not shocked and surprised. There are times when, out of the blue, someone will say I've done my own personal work. I've really thought about this for a long time. It's not you. It's me, or maybe it's you but I want out, and that becomes a shock to many people because there's been no conflict that has been moving towards the crescendo of a divorce.

Wait till she gets back from her trip, then tell her gently and in a straight forward way.  No matter what it is going to hurt like no tomorrow.  How long have you been married?  The longer you have been together the  more it is going to hurt..  

I am waiting for that same conversation from my husband.

Answer 9

Let us hope that you are making the right decision. Actually you shouldn't be seeing the other girl at all. But since you have, you need to tell your wife face to face. Please do not expect this to be easy.

Answer 10

I would wait and tell your wife in person. It might be a good idea to keep things quiet with the other girl till you wife has been told. Just be honest with your wife,I am sure she will be hurt and angry but that is only to be expected.

Answer 11

First of all you should be very generous to your wife.  Give her half of EVERYTHING. Including 401k, the value of  your car and your boat.  Then pay her a very generous alimony that she can live on.  How many years have you been married?  Pay double that amount in years.  

A decent woman would not "see" you until after the divorce.  

Answer 12

Obviously wait to tell her in person. As to how to do it, gently.  

Answer 13

I hope your wife cleans takes you to the cleaners!  The bimbo is stupid too because if you can take a man from his wife or vice versa she is dumb enough.  I hope that she is a smart bimbo because they are usually much younger than the wife.  Poetic justice is when she cleans you out too and dumps you for a young hunk.

Answer 14

If nothing has actually happened with the other woman, don't do anything until your wife comes home.  If you still feel the same, then just tell her.  It's better to be an adult about it.

Answer 15

You should be ashamed of yourself. You made this woman the same promises she made you, and now some dirty little w***e comes along shakin' her tail feathers and you want to toss your wife out like yesterday's newspaper. Go ahead and run off with your w***e, but remember what you did when you catch her cheating on you. Pathetic worm.

Answer 16

It's always a bad decision to jump right from one relationship to the next.  You will end up with regret that will damage the next relationship.  If your wife and you are truly done, then be 100% done before you jump in to something else.  

Beyond that, you may no longer love your wife, but you did once.  If you at least respect her as a person, don't do something damaging to her.

Answer 17

I think you ought to go to her where she is, and finish the vacation.  You hav eyears with this woman and someone new is going to be fun, relaxed, no baggage.  I would take time and focus solely on my wife, flirt with her like you do th enew girl, ROMANCE her.  THen after awhile it still doesnt work, then move on. But i wouldnt chuck it for wha tcould very well be a fling or an easy out.