How do I tell my Son Dad's not coming back?

Question

Let's not get too mushy here :)

I'm not the kind of cooing mommy to over-sugar coat the world. I do want to raise a secure boy who won't feel he has to search for that coke head when he gets closer to adolescence and beyond.

Serious answers appreciated. Thanks

Answer 1

My oldest son's dad never comes around and I never sugar coated it either.  I never even mentioned him until my son brought him up.  I tried to answer all of the hard questions to the best of my ability without bashing him. My son is still figuring out that his dad is a worthless piece of s hit without me even having to say that.

Answer 2

I am glad you do not want to sugar coat things, however there is a delcacy that is used for children, and then it shoudl be personalized to fit your child. DO you have a sensitive son, inspite of you not being overly sensitive? If so, you will need to cater to HIM and not how you may feel. I think you will have no problem with being direct and open with him. I think the only thing I would add would be to tell you to just allow him to ask as many questions as necessary and help him cope in anyway he needs to. Blessings.....

Answer 3

Can you give us more information please? What happened to your son's dad? Did he die? Did he just leave? How old is your son?

Answer 4

sorry to hear that im in the same situation as you,but i dont really have a answer to your question cause im looking for ways to deal with that as well..but i guess i will see the answers you get:) but just be strong and do the best for your son:)

Answer 5

Well my son's dad has never been in the picture so while I don't have to explain him leaving I will someday have to explain his complete absence. I don't know how old your son is so that could make a difference but I plan to just tell my son that all families are different. Some people have a mom and a dad, some people have just a mom or just a dad, some people live with their grandparents, etc. If he wants to know more I'll just tell him that his father and I couldn't get along anymore so we stopped being friends and he lives far away. (Actually his dad is an immature, irresponsible partier that wanted me to get an abortion and threatened my & my son's life but he doesn't need to hear that.) My son is 5 and hasn't brought it up yet but when he does I'm just going to try to be honest without saying anything negative about his dad that would make him feel like if his dad was such a bad guy he must be bad too.  And if he wants to find him someday as an older teen/adult, I'll help him. His dad can have a great time explaining why he chose to be a deadbeat and my son can form his own opinion. I'm pretty sure that eventually my son will form an opinion of this man that's similar to mine without me giving him all the nitty gritty details. I know you don't want to sugarcoat things but you also don't want to be so upfront that you'll hurt your son's self esteem or confuse him. Good luck. =]

Answer 6

Just telling him the truth is the best way. I don't know the words that fit your situation - but always tell the truth.

Answer 7

Depends on your son's age.   If he is old enough to understand tell him the truth.  Lying does not work out well.  If he is very young just tell him daddy won't be coming home he is acting very foolish.

Answer 8

Just tell him that although his daddy loves him you don't think his daddy will be comming back, and that it's okay because his still has you and you love him very much.

Also explain to him that there are lots of different kinds of families, and that there are other kids out there who also don't have mommies or daddies and have done just fine that way.

Then enroll him in the big brother program to get him a positive male role model in his life to head off his desire to want to search for his dad later.

Answer 9

Well I say honesty is best . If your son is old enough just be honest and tell him  the way things are with dad he needs to stay away from him for now until he can get better control  of his life. But take your child to church and pray over this and God will help you. God Bless you and your child.

Answer 10

Well, Dad may not be coming back, but talking bad about dad will not make your son feel very good about himself.... especially when he gets older.

Answer 11

Okay.

First off, do not tell him the whole truth. Say, "Daddy is having some trouble with bad stuff right now, and it's just going to be you and me for a while." If he's dead of an overdose, I am very sorry. In which case say something like, "Your dad was doing some bad things (if he knows what drugs are, tell him he's having trouble with drugs) and he accidently did too much and died." Answer any questions as honestly as possible, but don't tell him YOUR feelings on the subject. This is solely about him.

Secondly, your son may want to find his dad when he gets older, in which case you should assist him in his search as much as possible. It is a natural instinct for your son to want to know his dad better. He has a right to know his dad.

Thirdly, do not, and I repeat DO NOT, call your (ex?) husband a crackhead when talking to your son. This is letting your feelings creep into the conversation, and that's not why you're doing this. You are doing this because your son has a right to know, not to tell your son what you think about his dad.

Good luck.

Answer 12

Well, you tell him in age-appropriate language.

Basically you want to get the message to your son that YOU are the one who made the very bad choice in picking his dad, and that the child is not at fault at all.