How do I tell my child I'm placing their unborn sibling up for adoption?

Question

I have a 6 yr old daughter who lives with her father. I am currently 26 weeks pregnant and giving the baby up for adoption. How do I tell her? Do I hide it from her till she asks about my belly? I'd love to take her to a counsler but her father has court orders forbidding me. Part of my decision to adopt out the baby is because she desperately wants to live with me and I feel like she'd be devestated knowing a baby could live with me but she can't. I'm also afraid if she tells her father he will take me back to court to have visitation revoked because he looks for every little chance to do so. Help?! I'll be showing soon and don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Why don't you just not see her for the next few months and then she won't have any idea that you had a baby  

Answer 2

Don't give your baby up for adoption because you think your 6 year old would disapprove i doubt that she wouldn't be happy to meet her little brother or sister you seem as if you need serious help and has some other issues.Why would having a baby interfere with your visitation rights that makes no sense

Answer 3

hi lisa umm i dont believe giving the baby up is the best answer for you.personally id go to a counselor first and have a chat. and decide in your heart what is best for this child as the childs interests come first. then ask yourself why he has your 6 year old daughter and have you proven to people that you are a changed person, that you are not the child that you once where. to me one way of proving this would be adopting the child out. there is open adoption these days where you get to be a part of the childs life so the child understands you where like a surraget mother check into that. but you must be emotionally unstressed for that because once you see your baby you will never let them go as you want the best for them. as you do for your other child. you could always tell your daughter that you have to go away for business and dont go see her until you have given birth just keep calling her on the phone all the time and learn to forgive yourself for making mistakes as that is how we learn.there are so many wonderful couples out there that just cant have children and it is very upsetting so you could look into that. please in whatever decision you make think is it right for your child because once you make that decision you can never go back and say i want that child back never, but you can pick yourself up wipe away the tears and read a book free you mind change your life by peter mcnally 2 times and sort yourself out.be the best person you can be and stay positive and happiness will follow ,but if you are negative sadness will always follow you choose what you want out of life happiness - positivity or sadness- negativity.take care and think and meditate.take care

Answer 4

Are u sure you are making the correct decision here? Are u sure you really want to give your child up for adoption? Once you do it..it's no turning back. Why not give alittle sibling? The child will be grateful for it.

In response to your question ...Dont keep anything from a child. They are children and think much more different than us, but they do have feelings. And they do deserve to know ATLEAST. She may not be happy with you...he may not be happy with you either, but in all reality it's YOUR decision. Good luck in whatever you chose to do. Please think this through!

Answer 5

i agree with the person that said your reasons for wanting to give this child for adoption are wrong..very wrong but it is your life and your decision (please try and reconsider)..i would just say that you got pregnant and you are going to give the baby to a mommy and daddy that don't have one of their own so they can be happy but explain it more thant that so she does not think you just give everything away if others don't have one..hope everything turns out well for you good luck

oh and you having another baby does not involve him at all what so ever in th whole world he can not get your visitation revoked..

Answer 6

I don't know your reasons for giving the baby up, but I don't really feel that having the child feel left out is a good one. You cannot take this back later on- and it affects far more than just her.  If there are other reasons- then who am I to say, but I would seriously think about this- it's irreversible.

I've been planning to be a surrogate mother for some time now. I'm not right now, but am looking at doing so in the next couple of years. My kids are 5 and 8.  I would simply explain to them that I'm taking care of the baby for someone else- and may need to go into an explanation of why (basic, not too formal).  You could probably tell her something similar if you really are set on giving the baby up.  Don't tell her it's a baby brother or sister- just tell her it's a baby you're growing for someone else to love and as soon as it's born it will go to live with it's parents.  

I wouldn't hide it but it wouldn't hurt to simply not offer the information until she asks.  Whatever you're more comfortable with.  Six year olds are more intelligent than people often give them credit for and will understand a lot if explained in simple and direct terms. Also- having another baby isn't a reason to have visitation revoked that I'm aware of.  I could not see any reason this would give him any legal advantage over you.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now- even if I don't agree I do appreciate it's a very difficult decision to make, one you're not making lightly I'm sure, and I only wish the best for you and your family.  

Answer 7

Well apparently you did something wrong since your husband was able to take away your little girl. You don't have a good reason to give up your child for adoption. I think you just aren't ready to be a parent and are giving your children away so you don't have to take responsibility.

Answer 8

I have to say that I don't believe you have thought out the totality of your situation. Adoption is forever. Once you give up the baby, your out of the picture. Who is to say that the adopted parents are going to take good of care as you would? But, there is more to the story because it is RARE a male is given custody. I only know of one case and that women had mental illness, a drug problem and abandoned the child with a relative while she went and partied (all while the father fought in hostile territory in Iraq). You must have been deemed unfit for some reason so you may have the intrest of the child at heart.

Answer 9

your reasons for your adoption are not really very great. Think about it, do you really want to do this. What about the feelings of this baby, what about your feelings. I dont think that is a good reason for the courts to take away visitation, that doesnt even sound reasonable.

It sounds like you really love your daughter, and you probably will love this baby too. I hope everything works out for you and you make the right decision.

ADD:you are only 26wks, you still have time to think about this. I suggest you make this decision after the baby is born so that you dont feel pressured. Maybe if you meet the adoptive parents before birth, you will feel obligated (whichs is bad) and kind of guilty if you change your mind. Im really afraid that you might regret this decision.

Answer 10

SORRY. you'ree in a very awkward position. Tell her and give her somthing to bribe her not to tell her dad. This is not a good way but it could be the safest way! DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST

Answer 11

i think you are a disgrace to women everywhere!

if you felt you couldn't have another child for this reason then you should have used protection.

now you risk hurting the child that you alread have and the one in which you carry.

personally i think the two of them would be better off without you.

i can also tell you from a professional point of view there is no way that the court took your daughter off you for no reason and placed her with her father, and there is no way that adding an additional child to the equation would change the relationship the court allows you to have with your daughter.

to me it sounds more like, you know that the court is going to prevent this new baby living with you and you are looking for an excuse for your child.

i hope you get your head and your life sorted out.