How do I tell my dad he's wrong?? This is such a sensitive subject ... ?

Question

My parents got divorced when I was 1. They hooked anyways afterward and then came my sister we'll call her R. My dad left when my mom was pregnant with R and went to the Navy. He was absent until I was 7, he came around with his new pregnant girlfriend. Enter my secon sister. We'll call her L. He ended up going to prison for 5 years when L was only 4 months old, and when he got out it was the same old drug problems and so he wasnt around much. He went back to prison when i was 15 and he just got out last year. He has accumulated a massive debt for child support and restitution totalling about 52,000. Now that R and me are over 18 hes not accumulating more child support for us, but he owes back child support and gets about 200 a month deducted from his paychecks. The money is owed to my mother for all the child support he never paid her while we were growing up, mind u he never even paid for food, school clothes, nothing. Now he wants my mom to sign a waiver so that the money isnt taken from his paychecks anymore, where he would be orderd by the court to pay her directly, when we all know he wont. She said no and now they arn't talking and he complains to me aboiut it. In all honesty, she always gives the money to my sister and I, were both college students with our own apartments and cars and living expenses. That extra $100 a month really helps me. How can I make him understand he can't get off scott free and forget about the money he never paid b cuz were over 18? PS He is living with the mother of L and doesnt pay child support for her.

Sorry for the long msg just had to explain the details...

Answer 1

Just don't listen to him...as long as the money is being taken out of his paycheck there's really no problem other than having to listen to him complain.  He's not worth his salt so anything he says should go in one ear and out the other.  Good for your mother for standing up to him and saying no to his request.

Answer 2

He owes the money to your mother for raising you. The fact that it allows her to to help you out with college has nothing to do with it. The fact that you're over 18 has nothing to do with it.Tell him it's between him and your mother and if he wants to know that you agree she is owed the money. Then ask that the topic be off limits.

Answer 3

to be honest you don't have to explain anything to him the legal system has already don't that but i will tell you that any child support he owes you after you turn 21 will probally stop unless a new court order says other wise

Answer 4

just tell him that being a father is more then being a sperm donor. that he owes you and your sister that much for not being around and he should pay .

Answer 5

I think that keeping it short, fact based, and to the point if the best approach.  

Fathers are also responsible for their children's upbringing, if not in person, than at least financially.  The court made a decision about child support.  It isn't his money to keep for himself, period.  There really isn't anything more to discuss.

Don't give in to his selfish complaints.  If you get into too much of a discussion over it, it is likely to end up emotional and with more bad feelings all around.  He will most likely try to manipulate you and make you feel guilty.   Don't fall into that trap.  He made his bed.  You didn't.

Answer 6

In the state of TX the Office of the Guardian Ad Litum is the entity which administers court-ordered child support. It is deducted from the paycheck and paid directly to the mother/legal guardian. I do not know how it works where you live. But this is a legal matter. You don't need to get into any discussion with your dad. He owes the back child support regardless. Let the court handle it. If your mother signs a waiver, she will never see another penny. If he is living with the mother of L and not paying child support as you say, your mom is smart to say no to his scheme.

Answer 7

As one of the mothers who raised a daughter without support and signed the waiver for income tax returns. I can tell you it was a mistake as my daughter told me later (mom that was my money) and she was right. I should have made him pay that was the law. I didn't want to argue with him all the time.  Tell your mom to hang in there and keep helping you two.  

Answer 8

He hasn't been in your life to be a father, and (sorry) is just using you to get on his side.  Very selfish (can we say narcisistic?).  That said, he never EARNED the right to speak to you and must hold up to his responsibility.  Seeing through your question, he also never learned that lesson.

I wouldn't give him the time of day; don't answer his calls and let them go to voice mail.  Block his number if you can.

Unfortunately, there are men out there that do not have compassion or duty to others.

Hard lesson to learn for your mother.  Tell her to stand her ground and let them two fight it out, as you are not really involved.  It's your selfish father that's putting you there.  Tell you mom to let the courts go after him.

A law was passed years ago to obtain child support by garnishing wages.  Many men have quit their jobs to get out of this.

Tell you mom, be strong, stay away from these jerks and what a great job she did at raising you.  You learned compassion and duty; your father did not.