How do I tell my dad he is selfish and has really hurt me. I also do not want them at my wedding

Question

my dad has married a lady who i thought was good for him but she has now moved back to this country and left him out where they migrated to. I have always been respectful to her and she to me. however . I have never lived with her before. she came to stay with me which was very awkward. She does not like my fiance nor does my dad. the rest of my family love him to bits. she was upset with me for not telling her i got engaged, and everyone else new . I told my dad that i got engaged and he laughed at me. Me and my partner have been together for a long time. he did not even want to congratulate me. I have told his wife also and she did not want to congratulate both of us now she wants to meet for a drink and I do not want to. She also has my car but I feel bad asking her back for it.

what should I do I have already said yes to a drink , which no doubt will be awkward

Answer 1

by the sounds of things you are oldenough to tell him what you feel.... and LMAO to that first answer it is correct tho.

Answer 2

When I recently busted my Dad namecalling me at the end of a phone conversation (he didn't realize that mobile phones don't disconnect as quickly as LAN lines do), I promptly called him right back up and confronted him.  The sad part is, that he instantly denied it and it took one month before he finally called me up to admit it and apologize (though there was no real sincerity in it.)  The key is DON'T WAIT to speak your mind.  Somehow, in some way, and SOON, you need to confront the situation and get everything out in the open.  These people have invaded your life, and somehow, you've given them control.  You need to confront them together and and judge their reactions.  Be sure you are always the one in control of the conversation.  TELL THEM that their behavior was immature and disrespectful to you and your Fiance and that at this time, they are not welcome at your wedding.  Tell them that their future behavior will determine if you are ever to reconsider the invitation.  IMPORTANT: Don't lose your cool during the conversation.  Since you are going to be in public, if for any reason, the situation starts to get loud or out of hand, very quietly tell them the disrepect they are giving you is overwhelming and the conversation is over.  Tell them to give you the keys to your car and excuse yourself from the table.  Just walk away.  As to the car thing, neither of them are covered as drivers on your vehicle insurance and let them know that because of that, they will need to arrange other transportation.  Refer them to local rental car agencies to soften the blow.

Answer 3

Yes to the drink, gimme the car back, no you can't stay with me, or have the car anymore.

. Sorry you don't like the fiancee, but he is staying unless you can give me proof positive that he is not what we think he is.

Invite the Dad, he is going through a tough time[possibly] himself. Any more laughing or negative out of him, and tell him to either be supportive, or shut up.

Gee, how rude to move in, mooch, then critisize.  

Answer 4

u might just have to kill them ! =\

Answer 5

Meet your Dads partner for a drink and tell her exactly how you feel. I can understand why you wouldnt want the confrontation but unfortunately in this case i think it calls for it. Simply tell her  that if she and your dad cannot be happy for you then you would prefer it if they didnt come to the wedding. You shouldnt be the one who is uncomfortable it is them who should be uncomfortable for being so selfish in the first place. And while you are there having a drink with her then TELL her that you want your car back since it is YOUR car and you have absolutely no reason to feel bad for asking for it back! You never know she might have invited you out for a drink to apologize for being a complete **** but if this is not the case then stand firm by what you believe in! I know that it is easier said than done but believ me you will feel better for doing it. good luck!  

Answer 6

Take advantage of this drink and wholeheartedly try to clear things up and all possible misunderstandings.

A frank but kind speech may help you to come togehter. You may also tell your dad that he has hurt you with his resentment toward your bf and that's not good for the family as you are decided to marry him.

If your Dad and his wife ask for forgiveness, then you may pardoin them and invite them to your wedding.

If not you must seriously think it over.

Answer 7

Go for the drink and be polite but when the night is over ask for your car back and if they ask why you tell them how they have hurt your feelings. Don't let anyone get you down before your special day. When I told my father I was engaged he stopped calling me so he wouldn't have to pay anything toward it. I have not talked to him sense and ddid not even get a card on my wedding day. His loss

~MLF~

Answer 8

tell them to **** off, except for your dad he can come to the wedding just tell him that he always said to get out in life and tell him your doing exacly what he did when he was your age

Answer 9

if you don't want to be near her, keep her away.  Tell her you need the car back and shes had it long enough.

If they don't support the both of you, they don't need to be there!  

Answer 10

I think even if you tell him this, it won't make a difference. Who are you living your life for? Move on without them and just focus on being happy. Good Luck.  

Answer 11

Invite him to your wedding,keep him close to you. let him be the one to decide whether to appear or not.As for your car just ask for it from her please..Congratulations  hey

Answer 12

It's your car, you don't have to "ask" for it back, just take it back. If she refuses, contact authorities to have it confiscated back. As for your dad, he did contribute to your life. It would be rude to not invite him, but if he is the @$$hole that you have made him out to be, then don't expect him to show up.

Answer 13

Of course meet her for a drink. And take your car back right then. You can give her bus or cab money. You don't have to "ask" for your car back, as some people are saying. It is YOUR car. Tell her that you are glad she got to use it, but now you need it back.

Tell them you are not going to put up with the way they treat you. People can only walk all over you when you lay down and let them. If you don't want them at the wedding, then put on your Big Girl Panties and tell them so.

Answer 14

Go take that drink with her then say:

'OH!, ABOUT MY CAR, I WOULD BE NEEDING IT BACK OK, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED USING IT"

Answer 15

Ask her for the car back and based upon her reaction then tellher you dont want them at your wedding, if she kicks off at you then your justified, if she doesn't then say to her "based upon yours and dads reaction to the news that ************* and i were engaged i dont think its appropriate that you attend my wedding, if you decide you want to offer your congratulations then an invite will be sent to the reception" End of. And dont worry what they think its your life honey. X

Answer 16

'Dad, you are selfish and have really hurt me. I also don't want you at my wedding.'

Answer 17

They did what they did.  You're the one who felt hurt.  They didn't "hurt" you.

Your car is your car.  Doesn't matter who has it.  If you want it back, get it back.

And I hear that you wanted something from your father and his wife that you didn't get.  Disappointments are made from expectations.  Are you willing to be in relationship with these two people as they are?  You're an adult now (you're getting married, apparently).  It's your choice who you have in your life and who you don't.  "Daddy" was just a title, it's not all of who he was or is.  Do you like him enough to want to have him around?  If so, then come to terms with what that relationship is.  If not, grieve the loss and move on just as you would the loss of any other friendship.

Answer 18

Go and have the drink and whilst you're there ask about you're car. That belongs to you. Surely she understands that. Shes taking the p*** out of you.

Answer 19

It is a very personal question. Your Dad and his new wife may be having a reason to reject your fiance and it is better to ask him privatly why he is behaving so. Some how he is your father and it is useless to keep a grudge.  

Answer 20

Meet with your step and put the wedding off till you mature a little more

The whole situation sounds like drama I would expect from a high school girl

Answer 21

go, be awkward, and hear what she has to say.  If she asks why you don't want them at your wedding then TELL them.

and good god, don't be afraid to ask for your car back.  It's YOUR CAR.

You're behaving like a doormat and that's how they are treating you.  They don't respect you.  You can't be weak in front of people like them because they will run over you, bleed you dry, and move on.

Answer 22

get your car back if they are treating you like rubbish why feel bad about taking your car back.