How do I tell my ex-mother-in-law to hush when it comes to how I raise my child?

Question

I have a two year old daughter from a previous marriage. I have a pretty good realtionship with my ex-mother-in-law who spends a lot of time with my daughter. My daughter is almost three years old and is not potty trained yet. Right now I am working on it with her, but not forcing her to sit on the potty all day until she goes, I figure that she'll just do it in her own time. My ex-mother-in-law is starting to really get on my back about the fact that my daughter is almost three and not potty trained. One day while on the phone with my ex-mother-in-law she asked how the potty training was going. I politely explained that I am doing the best I can but not forcing the issue because I know eventually my daughter will come around when she's ready.....my ex-in-laws response was "well you're the parent and you need to do better!" I was floored with that response, I really didn't know what to say. What would you do in this situation?

Answer 1

Stop discussing your childrearing with your  ex-MIL.

Answer 2

Time to buy her a book on potty training and give it to her.  She's used to how things were done 20+ years ago and show her the parts where it says to let the child decide when it's time.  Show her a few studies on how children potty train easier when it's their own idea.  

If she persists, simply tell her, "Thank you for your concern, but we all have our own parenting styles, and this time I just don't think we are going to agree on how to do things, so please don't be so judgmental of my parenting skills, but feel free to offer constructive pointers any time."

Answer 3

Oh my god I would so snap at her.

Answer 4

What would have told her "you're right I AM the parent, and I know my child, when she is ready she will let me know."  I agree with you, your daughter will know when she is ready. One of my friend forced her daughter to be potty trained before she was ready, it was almost to a point where she terrorized her daughter, her daughter had accidents up until about the age of 5.

Believe it or not you can inflict physiological damage on your kids when you force them to be potty trained. You are being a better parent when you let you daughter decide for herself when she is ready to be potty trained.

Answer 5

well, she shouldnt do that. just tell her its your child, not hers. you shouldnt be scared to yell or be rude. she deserves it

but i think you should listen maybe alittle. that sounds like a weird way to potty train

my cousin eve wasnt potty trained till she was 5! she refused to try. she could but she was just a stubborn brat

so my aunt bought her these REALLY cute underwear but said she couldnt wear them couse she wasnt potty trained, the next day she was on the toilet and everything! not she shows off her underwear to everyone at family partys its so cute

Answer 6

just say politely 'back off grandma'. tell her you arent allowed to force the child as this will make them scared of the potty. they will see it as a bad place which will then hinder their progress even further

Answer 7

When she asks about potty training, you say "It's fine."

If pressed, tell her that you and her pediatrician are satisfied with her progress.

If all else fails, smile and say "thank you for your input."

Remember in the bad old days, kids were "supposed" to be potty trained before 3 years, and you were a "bad mother" if you didn't hit that target. So she is reacting with her training.

Answer 8

A good argument is healthy once in a while.  Just set her straight.  Don't make an enemy out of her, but just let her know who is boss.  This is someone you want to remain close with because she will help you and your daugher in the future.  Don't take everything so seriously from her in the future.  It is her grand daughter and she is only trying to help.  Let her comments roll off your back like a water off a ducks.

Answer 9

In that situation, really the best thing to do is to thank her for her thoughts and promise to continue helping your daughter learn what she needs to learn.

If you have a good relationship with your ex-husband, speak with him regarding this issue and ask that he talk to his mom. Since she is his family, she is his to deal with, just as if you were still married. Have him ask her to lay off of you, or at least to voice her concerns through him. He will know how to best address the situation with his own mother.

Answer 10

I would explain to her that she may have her method of potty training and you have yours.  Tell her you appreciate her advice but that you don't like her taking stabs at your parenting skills.  You don't want to be too confrontational, just politely tell her that you are in control and that if you need assistance you will come to her.

Answer 11

loud and clear and if you think she did not understand put it in writing!!!