How do I tell my hubby I cant have children?

Question

While my hubby was on vacation, I went to the Gyno and found out that I cannot have children due to the fact that for 8 years of my life - I have been fighting an eating disorder.

I have no clue on how to tell him that I will not be able to have children, I know it will break his heart to bits. (note - he does know I'm struggling with anorexia - even now days it still kicks up) - I'm just nervous to tell him that children cant happen...

Thanks - and please don't be rude, this is a serious issue.

Answer 1

Try to tell him as soon as possible.  Pick a time when you are both relaxed and not upset.  Waiting will make him think you are trying to keep it from him.

Answer 2

Just tell him its all you can do if he loves you he will understand and be ok with it you cant help it anyways so he its not like he can get mad or anything at you and Im sure he wont. He may be upset wich im sure you are to you can help one another threw this time and it may just bring you closer togthere then ever before :-). You can always adopted or get a seragent mother so you do have ways to have a baby still.

Answer 3

Why does being anorexic mean that you can not have children? I was anorexic and I have three children.  If you choose to get better, and make your body healthy, then you should be able to have children.  If you can't, there is something else wrong, not the fact that you had an eating disorder.  I would go to a different doctor and therapist, perhaps a nutritionist and learn how to prepare your body for pregnancy, but the first step will be getting healthy.

Answer 4

Remove "how can i tell my hubby" & the question mark and that's it, I mean be simple, direct, preferable to be in his arms when you are telling him, he will feel like ha had 2 souls and just lost one, then he will need more than a wife, he will need you to be his mom & his daughter, probably his best friend as well.

Answer 5

I don't think there is an easy answer here It is hurting you and him and it will hurt him to hear it but you need to tell him. This sounds like one of those times that you will both need to lean on each other.

Have you tried seeing a fertility doctor yet?

Answer 6

sweetie, i think you are just going to have to be honest with him.  if he has stuck with you thru your eating disorder then he will probably stick with you thru this.  there are alot of children out there who dont have homes maybe you can adopt.  I'm so sorry your going thru this:(

Answer 7

Oh Honey, if you keep it inside and don't trust him to be a partner your anorexia will only get worse, there will be a huge set back and it could send you to really abusing yourself.  Tell him tell him everything it is the first step to getting better he loves you all of you and can't help you if he doesn't know what is wrong - he is not a mind reader, but I bet he wishes he could be.  Your wonderful for asking for help now ask someone who actually loves you, because I don't even know you, and he wants to know all of you good or bad!

Answer 8

I would recommend you to start talking about adopting a child, and how beautiful it would be to provide a nice home to a child in need...  Then you can ask him what will happen if you couldn't have kids, just as a normal question... and depending on the answer you can tell if you need to take your time to find the right words or if you could tell him that right away...

I'm sorry for your situation and good luck!!

Answer 9

Let him in tell him the truth about everything and its not over just because you cant have kids if you really want a kid look at adoption you can still have the joy of a kid and give a kid home    

Answer 10

It's not the end of the world. Try adoption or get a surrogate mother for his "seed"

Answer 11

tell him the truth. I'm sure he will be disappointed, but he loves you and knows there are other ways to have children. I'm sure he'll stick by you through everything, and i bet a couple of years from now you'll have a couple of beautiful children that you adopted, or something else... good luck :)

Answer 12

hey don't sweat  I'm sure he loves you and you love him and theirs ways you can tell him with out putting him down one day when you guys are both at home sit him down and in the gentlest way you can juts come out and say it because a relation ship isn't complete if theirs a lie involved and if he really wants kids with you their are other ways like adopting or get a Donner for you self I'm sure everything will turn out best wishes  to the both of you and i hope my advice helped  

Answer 13

Are you sure you can't have children?  Isn't it just a temporary thing?  Ifnot then you will just have to tell him!

Answer 14

Just tell him that you visted your gyno and that they told you that you wont be able to have children due to previous health issues. Even if it breaks his heart I am sure that he will be understanding and still love you. You always have the option of adopting too.  

Answer 15

Well, 1st thing I would talk to your husband right away and let him know what the GYN told you. Then, if you are SURE you want to start the baby journey, I would try to get an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. They will be able to tell you FOR SURE what your chances of conceiving would be. Good luck and just try and be honest with him.  

Answer 16

Sit him down and tell him gently. He'll know you'll feel bad about the whole situation. Recommend an adoption, if you're up for it.

Answer 17

Well, just be honest with him. Tell him you have something serious to talk about.

Explain to him that you had your gyno's appointment and while there you found out that it does not look like there will be (biological) children in your future.

Then you two can absorb the news, then start talking about your other options (surrogacy, adoption, etc)

And why the heck was he on vacation without you? no fair.  

Answer 18

Are you sure you understood the doctor correctly?  I'm having a hard time figuring out what could have been diagnosed in a single office visit (by a regular gyn rather a fertility specialist)  that could determine that you are 100% infertile, and there is no treatment that can help.  (I'm assuming that you have not had a hysterectomy...).

While getting pregnant while dealing with an ACTIVE eating disorder would be neither wise nor safe, if you can treat the problem, then there is no reason to assume that any other medical/fertility issues would not also be treatable.  

Answer 19

thatss sad sorry but make sure u sit an have a long talk but ur gonna have to tell him. that to soon but think about adoption

Answer 20

he might know that you might not beable to. If i was him id have read all about the eating disorder weather it was bulimia or annorexia. He probs knows there is a slight chance you might not be able to. Sit him down and tell him you need to tell him something serious then let it lightly to him. He will be upset but supportive as he didnt just marry you for the kids did he! If you really want kids you can always adopt a baby that way you can change their name and bring them up as your own baby until he/she's old neough to be told otherwise

good luck and email me if you want more help

x

Answer 21

Well, you just have to tell him. Let him down lightly and then bring him up with other options, such as, adoption, surrogate mothers, or foster children.  Just because you can't carry a child, doesn't mean you can't ever have children.  Do a little research on any alternatives you think you may like so that you can provide him with some positive information just in case he goes on a negative streak about alternatives.

Answer 22

You need to just sit him down and be honest... if he loves you it wont matter and YOU CAN have children thier are so many kids that need to be adopted you will both be blessed one day. For now take care of you and your health. Good luck

Answer 23

If he loves you, then he will stand by your side and there still may be a SMALL miracle chance that you may could conceive a child, NEVER GIVE UP, and you can always adopt, just sit him down and explain this to him and I'm sure he stick by your side!!!

GOD BLESS

Answer 24

Well he married you for you.  It will be an emotional time.  Let him know how bad you want to have kids but due to this illness you can't.  Maybe adoption?

Answer 25

awwww... just tell him the truth... there is no better way. be honest and tell him that you can adopt. feel better and i KNOW you can get through this. good luck

Answer 26

tell him that it was just the doctor's conclusion from the give circumstances.

Answer 27

If your husband loves you, which I am sure he does, he will understand. And he will know that it hurts you too. Its not like its your fault so he shoudl be very understanding. I would just tell him and then you can decide from there if you want to adopt.  

Answer 28

He is with you because he likes you... and you have to be honest with him eventually the subject will come up if it has not already i am sure that he will still like you if not he is not worth it just make sure you get help with your eating disorder take care and good luck.  

Answer 29

just like you told us . i am sorry that you battled that and this now ! Do remember this God has a plan for us all. Adoption is wonderful . I would also go and see a dr that spec. in your problem and get a 2nd options

Answer 30

You NEED to get a second opinion.  Anorexia can disturb your ovulation pattern, but I have NEVER heard of it ruining your chances of conceiving.  As another poster mentioned, see another GYNO or a reproductive endocrinologist.

Your doctor should have given you options.  If you have at least one working ovary and a working uterus, you can probably have children some way, somehow.  You may need a lot of help, but it will be worth it.

If you get an opinion from a knowledgeable doctor and he informs you that children is an impossibility, and tells you EXACTLY what is wrong, then sit your husband down and just tell him.

Good luck, and stay strong in your battle.

Answer 31

Just be honest with him.  I'm sure it's hurting you as well.  And you can still adopt or even have a surrogate mother.  You can still have children.  Try to find a support group that can help you both with your feelings as you go through this - there are quite a few groups for infertility.