How do I tell my kid I dont want him to be having s*x?

Question

I have a 14son, and I am scared that he may be thinking of having s*x. He just got a girlfriend. and I know that hes at that age. My older son (19)has a baby when he was 16. How should I make sure my son to not have s*x when hes young. How do I tell him that its not alowed?How do I get him to hear me?

Answer 1

no, you should not tell him he can.  but, he's probably not going to ask you if he can anyway.

your teenager is going to do what he wants with his little bit of freedom, so you should arm him with information on how to be safe and make wise choices.

i would not assume that other people here aren't parents just by their answers.  all adults were teenagers once - we know the kinds of things that go on.

Answer 2

you shouldn't be preventing him from having s*x. you should be discouraging your children from having unprotected s*x. wow...no wonder he had kids at 16... :)

Answer 3

I would hope your older son is helping care for his child.  The struggle of that should be enough information to your younger son about why he shouldn't be having s*x.  Maybe find some statistics about how expensive a baby is in the first year, and some very graphic STD photos, that may help as well.

Answer 4

Talk to him! It's effective, really. Point out the hardships of your older son, and let them know that while they might be having those feelings that he should wait until he's more mature and ready to handle that sort of responsibility. It will probably be an awkward conversation but when a teenager is talked to, they do hear you, even if they pretend not to.

Answer 5

Have his older brother talk to him.  Make sure he tells him that its better to wait and that having a child is hard.  No offense, but most boys don't like to have their mother tell them they shouldn't have s*x.  If he hears it from his older brother, it would most likely have a stronger effect.

Answer 6

when an animal hits puberty it mates . you can no stop him other than turning him into a homosexual ...

life happens .... deal with  it ........

Answer 7

it's hard not to be judgmental on your parenting skills. obviously it didn't work the first time around. it's like s*x ed at school, you can tell them to practice abstinence til you're blue in the face, they're still going to do it. all you can do is tell him if he's going to do it, he should practice safe s*x. he should look at his brother as an example of what not to do. i'm assuming life cannot be that peachy for his brother right now, being 19 with a 3 year old, right? stress the point that if he doesn't be careful, he'll end up like his brother. unless he's stupid, he should see that!

Answer 8

he will freak out but go up to him have him sit down and say to him..

I am scared that you may be thinking of having s*x"..

" I want you to NOT have s*x until you are married or in college or at least out of high school.."... "having s*x is a big responsiblity and I feel that 14 year old are NOT ready to make the choice"..

" I love you and do NOT want you to make the mistakes that your brother did"!!

Answer 9

You should TEACH him about condoms, birth control and everything, so he and his girlfriend could be safe. PEOPLE, WHY CAN'T YOU EXPLAIN THESE STUFF AND WHY DON'T YOU CHILDREN UNDERSTAND THEM, ARE THEY DUMMIES???

I had my first s*x when I was 15 (I'm 17 and never got pregnant - we are not dumb enough not to use protection corectly) and I would encourage my children to have s*x between age 15 and 17. I won't be happy if my child waits too long.

You can't do anything to stop him. Just give him information and let him use it if he is mentally fine - the way you describe your older son makes me think he has some mental disabilities and can't understand the protection thing.

Answer 10

reality is that he is going to do what he wants to do.  My parents didn't want me to have s*x before marriage and i still did.  i don't want my child to but i know  she probbally will.  I rather her not be scared to tell me because she is thinks i will be mad or disappointed. i want her to be safe and protected if she does decided to do it

Answer 11

To the first person...don't try to prevent your child from having s*x, but teach him to have protected s*x.....what the heck kind of advice is that?  Look at the situation.  A 19 year old brother who became a father at 16.  A mother who doesn't want her younger son to follow that path.  Your advice is awful.  What good parent wouldn't try to prevent their teenager from having s*x at such a young age?

Ok to answer your question, have him look at the consequences his brother had to take for his actions.  Tell him that even though there are condoms and birth control, that does not protect him 100% from getting a girl pregnant and condoms do not protect from some STDs like HIV, genital herpes, pubic lice and so on because no amount of "protection" makes s*x 100% safe.  The only truly safe way to play is abstinence.  Why take even a small risk of getting a girl pregnant or contracting an STD when abstinence is a sure fire way to NOT have to worry about any of those?  A teenager is still a child and a minor.  They do not need to be having s*x.  Notice since parents have started doling out birth control and condoms to their teens that teen pregnancies have gone through the roof.  I wonder why?

-Add-

R- Abstinence IS realistic, contrary to popular belief.  If it wasn't then I wouldn't have married a virgin, my husband would not have married as a virgin and there are thousands others who have married as virgins.  It's called self control, something I think more parents need to teach their children and teenagers to demonstrate.

Answer 12

You do your best to explain how you feel and why you feel that way. Use your older son as an example of how life changes after having a child. Do your best to establish rules that don't give the kids an opportunity to mess around. I understand how you feel - I feel the same way about my kids having s*x - but when it comes down to it, it's going to be his decision - hopefully he'll make the right one.

Answer 13

When I was 14 and got the "first boyfriend" my parents sat me down and gave me "the talk" i wasn't having s*x at the time but it may have been viewed as I was. Anyway, 2 years later I was seeing another boy and was ready for s*x and I felt that my parents were open with me so I chose to be open with them. They put me on the pill and gave me condoms. I felt that they trusted my decision. I look back with no regrets.

If at the age of 14 my parents came to me screaming and punishing me for "assuming I was having s*x" there were no way I would have gone to them when i was ready to do so and get on the pill. I would have done what most girls my age would have done and snuck behind my parents back. Those are the ones who end up pregnant.

It is only natural to rebel especially teenagers. Kids that age do not understand the word "no" and would do something to p**s you off even if originally had no plans on doing so. Don't judge and make sure you earn your kids trust.

Answer 14

You can't stop him from having s*x. Teens will be teens, and they're going to have s*x regardless of what their parents say. If you tell him not to have s*x, that will probably make him want to have s*x even more. Don't tell him to have s*x, but don't tell him not to either. You can have some sort of influence on him, but providing him with condoms, and teaching him about birth control doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you a responsible one. Maybe have your older son tell him about birth control, because your older son will probably have more pull with your younger son than you do. If your son wants to have s*x, he's going to, no matter what you try to do to stop it. The only thing you can do at this point to prevent him from having a child, is teaching him.

Answer 15

OK as much as I would like to tell you that you can just tell him not to have s*x and he will listen... we all know that doesn't happen... you tell him no and he is going to go do it faster than he had even planned. You can educate him on the facts of a s*x life. Tell him that every time he has s*x he is putting him and his girlfriend at risk of pregnancy. No matter if there is protection or not... Tell him that nothing out there for birth control or STD's is 100% effective... All you can do as a mother is be there for him and give him the information he needs... but in the end if he still decides to have s*x at least please make sure he is using protection and she is too so that way you don't become a grandmother again at such a young age of your child's life!