How do I tell my mom I'm seeing someone 4 years older than me?

Question

I'm in grade 10 and he's going into university... I'm turning 15 and he's turning 19..... I'm scared my parents aren't going to let me see him.... I'm scared they're going to think he's way too old. Is it too old? I don't think so...

Answer 1

I understand how it can feel like he isn't too old, because I have been there. The problem is that girls (young women) mature emotionally faster than Most boys/ young men.

The problem is that not only is it illegal and he could face rape charges 1. if your parents don't approve or 2. if a school counselor finds out. But the other thing is that when a person seeks a mate...they look for someone on their level mentally, emotionally, physically. And there may be nothing wrong with you, but there is a problem with a college student who believes himself to be on the same level as a upcoming sophomore in high school.

I always hated to hear it when I was growing up, but you have a LOT of years ahead of you and TRUST me, college is a great experience where you will meet a bunch of new and interesting people...so much so that you will probably never imagine yourself with a highschooler, because they are not on your level. Ask yourself...would you date someone 4 years younger than you? why not?

those are the same reasons he shouldn't be dating you.

Whatever you do, don't be surprised if the parents arent happy, because you will always be their baby girl, but remember they are the ones who have your best interest in mind ALWAYS.

Answer 2

Hun, i compleatly understand what it's like

However, the age gap does matter. Yes, age is just a number. But he's 19, your 15 - he might have other "intentions" , which would concern your parents.

It's embaressing to tell, but when iwas 13, i dated a 16 year old. And yea, that was all fine. But he soon lost intrest in me, and all he wanted was to loose his virginity. I was VERY stupid, and had s*x with him because i thought i loved him , and that he would stay with me. But he didnt.He got what he wanted , and left.

I was pretty heartbroken.

I'm not saying your boyfriend will do the same. But there is no telling that he wont either.

Answer 3

Just be honest. I have been there. I hope all goes well for your relationship, but your most important relationships right now even though they don't seem it are with your immediate family. Once I told my parents I felt better. I didn't have to sneak around and once they got to talk to the guy I was dating and realized his intentions weren't mainly physical, they felt better and respected me for my honesty. Everyone's mom or dad is different with how they handle things, but your relationship with her will be much better and you will have more freedom if you are honest about the serious things. Then she will be able to trust you to go to her when you encounter decisions you need help making.

Answer 4

My hubby and I met when I was 16 turning 17, and he had just turned 26.  My parents hated him when our relationship first started, but soon realized we were perfect for eachother.  Within 2 years we were engaged - and 2 years after that married trying to conceive our second child (first one passed...)

Age is just a number, and as long as your relationship is TRUE and CONSENSUAL... there's nothing wrong with it.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I think in most states s*x between the two of you would qualify as statutory rape, so don't get sexually active with him until you're above the age of consent. And yeah, he is a little old for you.

Answer 6

Hun let me tell you i was in your shoes not even5 years ago and i saw nothing wrong with it at the time but now i see that we have so much growing to do between 14 and 18 not to upset you but guys that old who are goin for a gurl so young most of the time have some kind of prob. in my case i heard all this and thought yeah right but he ended up beating me so my advice is go for someone closer to your age in a year or two if you and this guy are still into each other give it a shot heck the long friendship will only help the relationship when your ready. if you need to talk any more e-mail me

Answer 7

haha to be honest ur parents probably wont approve of that. are you sure that your bf actually loves you and doesnt just "love" you. ok heres the thing, i think hes too old for u for now. if you were say 19 and he were 23 things would be different. but, i read in a magazine about an 18 boy year old marrying like a 38 year old girl sooo i mean it does work out sometimes. but also sometimes it wont. but if your boyfriend actually cares about you and stuff then tell your parents. and even have ur parents meet him to show hes nice and a good person. but yeah good luck! tell me what happens when u talk to ur parents about it! :)

Answer 8

Yes that is a big difference and not just b/c of age, but b/c of the mentality. He's a man and he's going to think like one and it doesnt matter how mature YOU feel you are its  a big difference. Be careful... and once your parents find out, listen to what they have to say b/c trust they'll know what they're talking about.

Answer 9

Yeah they'll probably think he's a little old for you, but age is just a number! If he's a nice and sweet guy and tries hard to get them to like him, i'm sure everything will be fine :D

Answer 10

He is too old.  He is an adult and you are a high school student.