How do I tell my mom that I'm a "cutter"?

Question

I would prefer writing her a letter or giving her a website address to go to instead of having to confront her face on. We have had horrible communication problems, so she would get the totally wrong idea. I don't want to kill myself, I just need to get help so I can get back to my life! (I'm 16)

Are there any good websites that can help? How should I go about doing this? And how will she react?

Answer 1

It's best to tell your mom face to face; it shows that you're serious about getting better.  Wait until she is not busy and sit down and just let it out.  The sooner, the better.  She might be a little upset or shocked, but mostly she's going to care about you and how to help you.  It's like jumping off the high dive for the first time, you just have to do it.  If you really just can't face her, I'd leave a note for her someplace she is sure to find it.  Make sure your message is clear.  Something like "Mom, I'm a cutter.  I've been cutting for (how long).  I don't want to hurt myself and I want to get better.  I need your help."  Something blunt and simple will help you avoid confusion.  If you want to post it on line, you can make a free website that basically says the same thing and give her the link or you can send her a link to an on line blog where you could write it.  Make sure that she see's that it is important that she check out the website as soon as she can though, don't let her think you just wanted to show her a funny graphic or a cute pic.  I don't know how much these will help, but here are some websites you can check out:

http://www.vinland.org/scamp/institute/d...

http://health.discovery.com/centers/teen...

The best thing to do to help yourself is to tell someone and get rid of whatever you are using to hurt yourself.  Good luck!

Answer 2

Impersonal communication is just that: impersonal.  The only effective (and truly healthy way) of asking your mom for help, is to actually ask her.  Tell her you need to talk to her, and that this conversation is really important.  Then explain that you feel like you need help, since you have the impulse to cut, and have seemingly acted upon it.  If she doesn't understand, you need to make it clear that you understand that even if it doesn't make sense to her, it is something that is controlling your life.  

Teens often think that their parents don't understand, but the reality is, most actually do.

The most drastic response may be to actually show her your scars.  The point isn't about how your mother feels, it's about you getting help.  There's no shame in that, but you can't convey that unless you're truly honest.

Answer 3

Hi, first of all I want to say it's really great that you're going forward with this and deciding to change this around. Not all sixteen year olds do that, and I'm sure your mum will be proud.

I know communicating with parents and this age is nearly impossible, and I'm sure you're worried about how she'll handle it. To be honest, she will be scared for you, but (I know it's cliche but spare me) she needs to hear it from you first before she finds out herself.

Anyways... Writing her a letter is a nice idea, or you could even just send her a text message. You will have to talk to her face to face eventually, but I'm sure your relationship with her will be a lot better once you decide to include her in this major part of your life.

Good luck.

Lisa.