How do I tell my parents I'm g*y? [Conservatives]?

Question

Hi, I'm 16 going on 17 and I'm g*y. I told some of my friends - of course they were shocked, but they accept it. I'm not ready to tell my parents yet, and I'm not quite sure I should. They're very conservative and my dad's homophobic. He doesn't understand people being g*y and he thinks it's an infectious disease - something like that. I'm afraid he wouldn't love me anymore, if I told him. I can imagine my mum's reaction - she'd think it's a joke. My sister'd say that SHE knew it all along. (Yeah my family's weird.)

So I think you can see why I didn't tell them already - especially my father, but I guess I'll have to tell them at some point...

Please, help me!!

Answer 1

I agree with the other answerers that you should wait until you are on your own, unless you have reason to believe that your father's homophobia can be successfully overturned.

I hope this would not happen in your case, but I have seen a couple guys get rejected by their families.  I don't want that to happen to you if you are not yet established as independent and surrounded by the support of friends who love and accept you.

Come out to your friends first, if you know them to be trustworthy.  Or wait until college, when life is much, much easier for g*y guys.

Try the Family Acceptance website for other thoughts.

Answer 2

nobody is forcing you to tell your family. but eventually you have to tell them, you cant live a lie forever. truthfully, your dad probably wont be able to get over it for a while. but if i truly loves you he will accept you for the person you are. if i were you i would wait until you are moved out to tell them. it would be really awkward while your living with them

Answer 3

there is no right time to tell ur parents, only u will know when that is. Especially if ur parents r like that. Ru gonna be ok with them knowing? ru ok with hiding it- eventually u may be angry at them becuz u feel u cant tell them. That was the case with me. My suggestion would be to join an organization for g*y/ les/ trans teens if u dont have many g*y friends. That helped me a lot. People to hang out with, share with and especially fall back on when the family isnt such a family. It sucks to be in the position where u have to hide urself and not many straight people understand that. But do what u need to do. Good luck with everything hun. *HUGS*

Answer 4

Just don't tell them. would you tell them if you were straight? It's your own personal business. Your family really doesnt have to know every detail of your life. Keep it to yourself its not that big of a deal to just to make it your personal business.

Answer 5

wait till you move out . then if they throw you out , you wont have to sleep in an alley .  

Answer 6

Dear Lucas,

You are currently between a rock and a hard place and no one has thus far given you an answer to a complex problem other than moral support. I will however explain to you those complexities which will give you the ability to decide what's best for your situation.

Conservative father= Conservative grandparents and community in which he was raised. Conservatives (true conservatives) feel that if a child is "g*y" they have somehow made a mistake in raising them properly.  Conservatives have an "image" to uphold in the community and are concerned about their "standing" in that community. Having a g*y child, they feel, is totally in opposition to this standing.

I believe that it's not the telling, that is the hard part for you, but the "rejection" from  people you love that is stressing you. I can discern from your writing that you have tried very hard in your life to "connect" with your father. It seems you have never been able to live up to his legendary standards so this leaves you feeling a bit "out in left field." The closeness you crave so much, if it is not there it's not your fault. It lies within your father.

The only way your father can love you is if he has the ability to love you unconditionally. If he does not possess this ability it's not your fault. You cannot "teach" someone to love, they either have the ability or they don't. It also has a lot to do with your fathers psychosocial development during his formative years or "developmental stages" of life. Bullies for example learn from their parents that "fear and intimidation" are effective ways of manipulating people and exercising power over others. See (Ego trip). Nature and nurture.

Your sexuality is very personal to you and those to whom you choose to express your love to. Please don't feel under any obligation at this point in your life to "come out" to your parents. Some people have parents they can come out to and others do not. You fall into the latter category.

Wait until you are out on your own and do so then in anyway you see fitting. Over the phone, over the internet or in person. The decision will be yours and the time will be yours. Do what is best for you at the present time and in the future continue to do what is best for you. Also, in the future you will have time to develop a support structure of friends and loved ones who will love and support you in this journey we all call life.

That is my advice to you.

Respectfully,

I'm Paranormal Hamburger and I approve this message.

Answer 7

well honestly you dont HAVE to tell them.

if you feel its too hard, then dont.

but dont hide it from them.

let them figure it out on there own.

thats what im going to do.

well as for your F@#$%& homophobic father, thats just vulgar.

homophobia disgusts me!