How do I tell my parents NO and mind there own business about our wedding money and how much we got?

Question

My parents planned a after wedding brunch the day after my wedding. My parents want my husband and I to open our gifts in front of them. Telling them what we got...I don't think it's anyone business how much people give us. On top of that, I don't want to see my family after the wedding. I just want me and my husband to be alone and relax without any saying, so how as your wedding night and so on...How do I do it tactfully.

Answer 1

You say "Mom and Dad......we appreciate the thought that you would want to have a wedding "brunch" the day after the wedding............however ______(fill in your new spouse's name) and I would like to spend some time together alone, we are just so exhausted!   How about we call you and we can get figure out a good time to get together and maybe we can have lunch?"    And if they insist........you just say "No....we will be unable to make it"   and smile and say nothing else......And then if/when they ask what you got - you say "some beautiful things..." smile and then.......say nothing.    If they ask you to open the presents in front of them, just laugh and say "oh you are too funny...."  smile.....and then .....say nothing.  Silence is golden......and they will get the hint.  You are entitled to your privacy and it is none of anyone's business what anyone gave you as a gift.  But then again, if you really want to shut them up........if they ask how was your wedding night....you could always say:   "______(fill in your husband's name) f*cked the h**l out of me all night long........didn't you do that on YOUR wedding night?"

Answer 2

People are so happy to see you as a happy new couple.  

Don't deny them that - how selfish!

They come to your wedding and give you gifts - be gracious!

As for the gift thing, you are ALSO being selfish.

I don't know anyone who didn't have the 2 mom's there and the MOH.

It's fun!!!  

Don't leave people out that were there to support you especially before the big day!

Answer 3

A wedding day brunch after the wedding is quite common. I think you should attend.

However, I like what the first person said in terms of handling the gift part.

Answer 4

It's tradition!

But if you want

to be alone then

do it.  Who is paying

for brunch???  Maybe

you should reconsider?

Answer 5

NO.  You can't get away untill you go on your honeymoon.  You have no idea how important it is to your family to see you open the presents...  it's crucial.

Put on a big smile and go "Wow, it's just what I wanted!" no matter what it is.  If you think the "big event" ends after the confetti, you are sorely mistaken.

Sorry... deal with it.

Answer 6

Tell them you won't be available for gift opening untill after the Honeymoon, so save the brunch until you get back (and refuse to attend or be guilted into attending)..in the meantime arrange to open your gifts when you two are alone.....quite frankly I don't see what the big deal is, if your parents have issues over how much Uncle Freddie gave you or don't like the toaster Aunt Maybel gave, oh well......they'll hafta deal with it..........

..and most people don't ask 'well, how was your wedding night', and if they do ask, they deserve the answer they get........

Now mind you, my husband and I are second marriages for both, and we were in our fifties when we got married...his very best friend of many years was the best man.....

The best man & his wife came from several states away to attend so we put them up in a nice hotel room for the night after the wedding, and arranged to share breakfast with them the next day before they left for home ( the two guys hadn't seen each other in a long time)

The best man thought he was being cute I guess, when after we placed our breakfast order at the diner, by turning to me and asking "Well, do you feel any different?" I said "No, do you?" I thought my then new hubby & the best man's wife would die of laughter.......

Sometimes, they just hafta learn the hard way......

Answer 7

Brunches seem to be so common now - but it was the LAST thing we felt like doing...So we didn't have one, simple.  Especially if you are paying for and arranging your own wedding.

As for the gifts - that's YOUR business.  We opened the gifts (many cash gifts) in private, the next day, and wrote out Thank You cards as we opened them.  It was kept private.

If anyone asks you how your wedding night was - Just smile and say "I'm having trouble walking..."

Answer 8

It's been almost 23 years, but I remember after our wedding, my husband and I were ready to get out of town.  As a parent, I also understand how your parents feel --- BUT, on this point, I am on your side.

You can firmly tell your parents that you and your new husband are at the very beginning of starting your new life TOGETHER.  After all the months of preparation and stress, you are both looking forward to simply being alone, and one more event will just be too much.  There will be plenty of time for the two of you to open your gifts when you return, and you would rather do it together, in private.

With all that has been going on in your life for the past few months, I am sure your parents will understand  - and comply.

Best Wishes.

Answer 9

Just tell them you weren't planning on opening your gifts that day. A lot of couples wait to open their gifts until after the honeymoon. (It gives you one last thing to look forward to!)

Answer 10

First poster probably had it right....you are reading mean intentions into a situation where there are none!  I can think of a ton of reasons why you parents would want to do this...

To match gift value when they attend other weddings

To HELP you make a list of who gave what so you can do your Thank You notes

Just another way to show you that they love you and celebrate your union

If your mom asks about the wedding night she's doing it out of politeness.  You don't have to outline every position you used and for how long.  A simple "It was wonderful" would be great.  Wedding brunches to open gifts are actually really common in the South where I live.

Poor you.  A family who cares about your well being and wants to show you in a very overt way how much they care and how happy they are for you, not to mention make the wedding as easy as possible for you.  I am so lucky my mom is dead and can't be here for my wedding to ask me questions like that or offer to throw me a party.

Take it from a bride who didn't get a shower, a brunch, or even a single guest from the groom's side.  Stop being such an ungrateful wretch.

Answer 11

I'm not sure of your family dynamic's, but it seems important for the parents to know what their guests have given to you as they may be invited to a wedding for one of them and want to make sure that they offer a gift of the same value.  You can tell your mom, that you and your husband want to experience the opening of your gifts privately, but you will be glad to offer her a list of what her guests have given you...and follow through!

Answer 12

As far as the gift thing goes, just tell them no.  I agree with you on that point, it isn't any of their business.

In terms of the brunch, I think you should attend.  I appreciate the fact that you and your new husband want to be alone, but your family and friends are probably putting a lot of time and/or money into your wedding, and it wouldn't be a bad idea to grace them with your presence once last time.

You actually sound pretty bratty.  Your family cares about you and they want to see you, and naturally you can't think of anyone but yourself.  Maybe they are excited and figured you'd want to share that excitement.