How do I tell the Kindergarten teacher to stay out of what is none of her business?

Question

(This is in Canada) My sons kindergarten teacher tells him that the fruit bar and koolaid (juice bag) he has for a snack is not healthy. We are on a limited income and we buy the snacks and drinks in bulk. This is ONLY a snack, it is NOT lunch. He gets a very healthy lunch every day at daycare. The school's job is to teach my son how to read and write. So far they are doing a great job. They have NO RIGHT to DICTATE to me what my son eats. I want to tell the teacher to butt out of what is none of her business. How should I do this (somewhat) tactfully?

Answer 1

The teacher could be concerned that your son has high refined sugar levels in his snacks.  Have you tried budgeting raisins or other inexpensive dried fruit and possibly re-using a water bottle for real fruit juice?  (You can buy a huge bottle of juice and send him with a measured portion daily)  I know it is irritating having the teacher tell your son what you are sending is not healthy, but maybe she is just going about it in the wrong way.  I hope she is just trying to look out for the best for the kids and her delivery of the message is just off.  The problem with refined sugars like what you find in kool-aid and some fruit bars is that when the kid's body processes it, they have a huge blood sugar drop and it can affect their learning.  Natural sugars such as those in fruits and juices last longer in the kid's system and give a less severe drop in blood sugar.  You sound like a good Mom and I am glad you work at keeping everything right for your son.  Good luck  :)

Answer 2

Better ignore it.  That teacher probably just suggesting and not actually trying to dictate your child.  You are offended by that, obviously.  But, since you know that is just a snack....let it go.  What harm would it cause by ignoring her?

Answer 3

OMG I went through almost the same thing except that what I packed where homemade oatmeal raisin cookies made with steel cut oats (and actually packed with nutrition) and the things she told me were acceptable snacks are just horrid.

That idiot told me to send them with gummy fruit!  Not only are they worthless as a food, but they destroy teeth.

I told her that unless she was prepared to provide 100% of the snacks and food fed to my son in her school (this was nursery school and she was the owner), that she needed to mind her own business!

We weren't there too much longer before I moved him elsewhere (which I recognize you might not be able to do).

Now to play devil's advocate -

Teacher's clearly don't know everything, but kids spend so much time at school and leading by example and being part of what "everyone else is doing" has a big impact on children.     It has become trendy to try to set up schools as "safety zones" where behaviors deemed dangerous are not allowed.  Bad food is indeed very dangerous and sets up kids for permanent health damage.

That said, even here in the States I have found that what the schools perceive of as "dangerous" seems arbitrary.  The district here said kids couldn't bring junk to school, but what they serve for breakfast (which is optional here and often used mostly by the poor kids who qualify for free lunch) is very unhealthy.  You cannot convince me that a high sugar, low fiber cereal or cinnamon bun is better than a chocolate bar.  Clearly the schools need some educating.

As to what you pack, the world is full of people who think they have the right to tell you how to raise your kids and their way is so much better, blah, blah, blah......   Brush off this idiocy.  He's your child and you, like all parents who love their kids, will do the best you can.   You should not be made to feel bad for doing the best you can.  Period.

I don't know what things cost where you are.  I know a lot of things cost more in Canada.  Can you pack a piece of fruit, a bag of baby carrots, some nuts or trail mix (you can buy in bulk and mix up your own using stuff like dried berries and fruit, nuts and even throw in some low sugar, high fiber breakfast cereal to make it go further and keep costs down)?  Buy in bulk and use your own baggies to package.

Water is better than sugar water (those drinks really are more fake that juice and 100% juice is very expensive).  You could maybe pack a thermos and put whatever you want in it - milk, water, a little soda water mixed with real juice, whatever (and this keeps snoopy teacher from really knowing what you packed).  

While I agree, a little junk isn't so bad for a kid, establishing healthier preferences now will serve your son well and could well prevent a lot of health problems down the road.  These days 1 out of 4 kids has a weight problem  and all the serious weight related issues like diabetes, high cholesterol and other things are now showing up in young teens.  

If you could find healthier options and stay within your budget that would benefit your son, even though I agree that his teacher should not be berating you.

Answer 4

You could always suggest that she brings snacks everyday for the children to make sure they get their nutritional value....lol  j/k

Just go talk to her honestly and non confrontational....tell her how her comments are hurting your sons feelings and you are concerned. If she gives you a snotty reply (and yes some do unfortunately) tell her if it happens again, you will talk to the principal or change his teachers. But be calm, because they won't listen to you if you aren't......

Answer 5

just tell her to stay out of it. its not that hard

Answer 6

Write a letter to the Principal saying that this teacher is intruding into my child's life and I don't want that. xD

Answer 7

I have told my daughter teacher that I will be the one who decides what my kid eats. Good grief, teachers are getting far to pushy

Answer 8

You could write or better call her (so she can hear your tactful voice) and explain that what she sees is only a snack and that he gets a good healthy lunch at daycare.  If it is so, you could tell her that your son is uncomfortable with her telling him the snack is not healthy.  You could also ask her to contact you if she has any questions, rather than cause your son to feel he is being mistreated.  She is probably referring to the sugar in koolaid but a fruit bar should be ok.  Good luck.  Its a hard place to be especially when you are doing the best you can.

Answer 9

why bother with tact she didnt

Answer 10

Write a letter to the Principal saying that this teacher is intruding into my child's life and I don't want that.

i AGREE

Answer 11

Be polite but firm,and tell her your reasoning. She means well,

I'm sure,she just needs to be reminded of where her boundaries are.

Answer 12

Your teacher is right. Please don't get defensive for those of us siding with her.

The teacher and school are there to do much more than to teach your son to read and write! You send your whole little child there to be nourished and drink in all the learning he can - and the concern is there that the child have the best nourishment possible.

Don't play the money card here - as you see, it won't fly - when those koolaid jammers go on sale, the same company's juice boxes go on for the same price (yes, I'm in Canada, too). Water is free. Fruit bars can be the same sugar and calories as candy, so they aren't a good idea. It's way cheaper to buy trail mix in bulk, or mix your own. Cut up some veggies, send an apple....

Don't fault the teacher or the school. This IS her business. When we take our children to school in Canada, the educators are acting 'in loco parentis' - a term in the Education Act which means 'in the place of the parents'. So they act judiciously as a good parent should.

Learn from this, don't feel that you are a bad parent because of this. Just educate yourself better on nutrition.

Answer 13

Some schoold have that policy.  MY son was in a school (thanks god not anymore) and their rule was the first 2 ingredients could not be sugar.  They would not allow the snack.

Answer 14

there's no tactful way in saying it, seeing that she finds no tactful way in telling you about the foods that your child eats, so i would just tell her to butt out, and it is none of her business.Just be assertive and make your point straight, because it's really none of her business what your child eats she does not support your family, and it's totally up to you what your child eat as a snack, or whatever.Honestly i think she's out of line for telling you that.

Answer 15

I would write her a polite letter explaining your situation as you have here in the 2-3 sentences you have written above.  You can begin:

Dear Ms. ________,

While I am glad that the students are studying good nutrition at school it has come to my attention that my son's snack is of concern.  

Please know that...(Then insert sentences 2-3 and uncapitalize 'NOT' so as to keep it in a calm tone).

Again, thank you for your interest in my son's well-being.

Sincerely,

- - - - -

This should so it.

Answer 16

Schools are very focused on "healthy eating" nowdays.   My daughter's school has a "wellness break" each morning, where the kids take a break and walk outside before their snack.  Instead of cupcakes on their birthdays, their class gets 15 extra minutes of recess, and a healthy snack.

I know that snack stuff and drinks can be expensive.  I'm a single mom with three, so I empathize with your situation.  But there are a couple of things you could do that might help to pacify the teacher.  

As others have mentioned, sending a water bottle is actually less expensive than buying Koolaid bags.   And they really are just terrible for kids' teeth.   They also have high-fructose corn syrup in them, which turns off a kids' appetite barometer, and makes him want to eat MORE.   As far as snacks are concerned, here are some inexpensive ideas for healthy snacks:

A big box of animal crackers (can bag a single serving at a time), or whole-grain crackers

Popcorn made at home, and bagged

Little boxes of raisins or other dried fruit

I know this is a pain, but I guess we should be happy that others besides ourselves care about our kids' health.

Answer 17

Send him in tomorrow with a pack of cigarettes and a beer.

She'll never complain about fruit bar again

Answer 18

um shes ur sons teacher so it is her buissnes its her job to help ur child in as many ways as she can she was just trying to help if u dont like what u heard just tell her what ur true reasons are for getting him what u get oooo and please dont write a letter that would just make it in tooo a WAY TO BIG OF A DEAL just let her know in person why he gets what he gets for a snack

by the way i think a fruitbar and fruit juice is a PERFECT snake for a kid its not like ur giving him SODA and CHIPS or whatever

Answer 19

Wow, I had to comment on this... I would be bothered, too, if a teacher was always commenting on how the snacks are unhealthy... How does she know this? Even Kool-Aid comes in No Sugar Added, if that is her concern... There are plenty of healthy fruit bars, too; all-natural ones.

I would just talk to her, directly... Tell her you know what's best for your son, and remind her that she's there to teach your son to read and write; not to act like a part-time dietician! I'm sure that will set her straight... Don't let her intimidate you; *you* are his mother, and it seems you're doing just fine. :)

(By the way, I doubt the posters who are criticizing you, would appreciate someone telling them they were wrong, in regards to their *own* kids.)

Answer 20

Tell her not to be negative towards your child.

Next time you see her, be polite and tell her that you would appreciate it if she didnt tell your son the juice and snacks he has arent healthy, reassure her that your son has a healthy diet and this is just something to put him on until lunch. if she makes any other comments, dont be so polite about it and tell her it has nothing to do with her anyway, and tell her to boil her head! x

Answer 21

ok, im in pa, and my son is in the 4th grade, but i would swear they have the same teacher. and ive had the same conversation with her. she is a complete health freak. i simply asked her if when my son eats his snack, and drinks his drink, does it go into her body or my sond body, she looked at me and said his body of course. i told her ok, then she should mind her own. she has not said one thing more about my sons eating habits. best of luck to you.

Answer 22

Why don't you save the kool aid money and just send him with a water bottle? I buy a 8 pack of water bottles, then wash and reuse the bottles for my kids lunches/snacks for a few weeks until the dishwasher starts to warp them. It could save you a buck or two.

As for the teacher, tell her that you monitor your child's diet carefully and don't appreciate her comments on the kool aid he gets. Its not a chocolate bar and a soda, so you'ld really prefer that she stop with the comments. Your son shouldn't have to deal with her fussing daily, especially since he doesn't pack the snack.

Answer 23

u should say stay out of my business. Wat i feed my child is on me. u need to stick  2  teaching and stay the **** out of my business.

Answer 24

I would say that the teachers have much more responsibilbity than just teaching them to read and write and her giving her opinion is showing that she cares.  However, I don't think she should "hound" you about it and if she is then, yes, I think she's over stepping her boundries.  I would send her a kind email letting her know that all of her nagging is doing no good and you will continue to send the snacks that you see fit for your child.  Ask her to please stop so the situation doesn't have to go any further, like to the principal.

Answer 25

Ask her to please refrain from making comments about your son's snack directly to your son and to please keep in mind that she should not be decitating or commenting on the child's snack.

Answer 26

The kindergarton teacher is right. You know it. Don't be so defensive. If that's what you can afford then that's ok.

This is what I would do. I would speak to the kindergarton teacher after school and tell her the situation, just what she needs to know/understand. I would not attack her. I would tell her that it's upsetting to me because I know she's right but things are the way they are. It would be most appreciated if she would refrain from upsetting my son. I'm sure her intent is not to make him feel bad or for you to feel bad. Maybe she can offer a healthier alternative that is affordable. Maybe.

She's not out to get him or you so don't take it so personally. Please. It is hard.

edit: She's not dictating. She is trying to help, teach. There is no reason to go on the defensive. Don't attack the teacher. I'm sure she has no idea that her comments are hurtful.

Answer 27

As a teacher myself, I can honestly say that it is her business. If the school has a policy on healthy snacks, you need to abide by that. If you're on a fixed income, then why are you buying kool aid in the first place? Send him to school with some water in a reusable bottle--that'll save you fifty bucks a month right there. And, as for the fruit bar, it depends on the kind it is. You can send him with a nutri grain bar, a handful of pretzels, an apple, some crackers, or a cheese stick. All the kool aid does is add sugar to his system. There's no nutritional value.

Answer 28

I agree with Lugia here.  I would either call the principal or request a meeting with him to explain what is going on and that although you respect her as your son's teacher she is not his mother and is overstepping her boundaries.  A fruit bar and juice box is a perfectly healthy snack for a little kid and since her job is teacher not nutritionist or doctor she is out of her rights to say anything to you about his eating habits.  Even if for some reason she feels that there is need for alarm with his eating habits she should mention this to the school nurse who can then get a hold of you if there is a problem.  Maybe the principal can arrange a meeting with you and the nurse together to discuss this.  After that it will be his responsibility to discipline the teacher, not yours.  I can guarantee you will get more action by going to the princ and nurse than going directly to the teacher.  Good luck!