How do I tell them??

Question

I am 24yrs old and have been with my bf for about 7yrs. We were always casually dating but our relationship because serious & moved in together about 2yrs. ago. I am about to enter grad school and parents support me financially. My bf is 34yrs. old and recently got into trouble with the law earlier this year. Since then my parents think that we no longer are together yet we have continued our relationship. I have not told them because I live in another city and they will worry about me constantly. My bf and I care for each other deeply and hope to marry and start a family within the next few years. I feel that I am an adult and have hid this from them without wanting to. It's easier said than done but I would really like to ease them into knowing that I am still with him. How should I do so? Should I just mention that we are in contact and are amicable but, still care for each other? Or should I tell them the whole truth that we live together and plan to continue our relationship only to expect that they will be very upset, angry, and will worry about me greatly?

Answer 1

It would be better to be totally honest about your relationship than for your parents to think it wasn't serious. Your parents obviously care about you, or they wouldn't be paying for your education (Kudos, by the way).

You may be an adult, but hiding the truth from your family is not very mature. Did you ever stop to think why you are keeping this a secret? What is the absolute worst that could happen if you called and said, "I never told you this before, but my boyfriend and I are still in a serious relationship. I didn't want to upset you because I know you want the best for me."

Would they cut you off financially? Would they stop talking to you? Would they beat you?  Would they be really, really disappointed, which is more than you could bear? Are you afraid of not being perfect in their eyes? Think about it.

Bottom line-- you are living a lie. You are lying to your family. You are lying to yourself. If you are living in fear with how your parents are going to react, are you emotionally ready for a relationship?  

Answer 2

If you are planning to marry this man you need to tell your parents you are still with him, it is ridiculous to keep hiding it from them.

When you tell them, invite them to tell you what they think.  Ask them how they feel.  Ask them what their fears are.  It is better to lay this all out on the table so that you can reassure them.  

Answer 3

as your parents accept you as you for you... even tho they may be disappointed in your actions... so you have apparently accepted your bf for who he is where he is at.. including his legal mistakes... you can explain that to your parents and tho they may be disappointed.. they should be able to understand acceptance of that magnitude..

would your mom leave your dad because he got popped for a DUI ?  

things happen... "justice" isn't one of em.

but follow your heart.. as long as you aren't being abused.. they need to let you make your own decisions and accept you for you.

Answer 4

let them know that you are a responsible adult and that you are able to take care of yourself. let them down easy.  Call them and give them updates and stuff like that. everyone makes mistakes you cant judge everyone off of one thing.  reasure them that he is a nice guy and that he makes you very happy.  Dont let them know that you are thinking of marriage and kids yet just let them know that your seeing eachother and you have a place together that is really nice.  You will always be thier baby there is nothing you can do about how much they worry about you.