How do I tell them they aren't invited?

Question

How do you keep the numbers down for your guest list? We want a small, casual wedding in my parents' yard. We've narrowed it down to 8 friends (2 friends each plus their spouses), 10 family members on my side and 6 on his side. I feel guilty not inviting a lot of my friends, but I know we just want it small and intimate. Neither of us likes crowds, and he especially has really awful nerves with big groups. This is HIS day too, and I don't want it ruined because of that. How do I explain this to people? I know there are going to be hurt feelings.

(By the way - There's no issue with family because mine is tiny and his is so large that they already understand the reason for not being invited - if we invited them all, it would add over 50 people to the guest list.)

Thanks!

Answer 1

Tell the uninvited what you just told us.  Tell them it was a very small celebration and you really only had family because you could not afford and did not want a big fancy crowded pressure causing affair.  If they cannot understand this they are not really friends and you can do without them.

Answer 2

We feel the same way about shyness with the ceremony, but we want to include everyone in some way.  So our actual ceremony is private (a total of 13 people; just immediate family) and the next day we're having a large reception with around 100 guests invited.  You could consider something like that; then you don't have to do the intimate vows in front of a million people but they don't have to miss it.

Otherwise, just say politely that it's a small wedding with mostly family.

Answer 3

you should just say its been cancellled

or just flat out telll them

Answer 4

First, there is nothing incorrect about having a small wedding so stop feeling all defensive and apologetic about it. You don't have to volunteer any information at all about not inviting someone unless they have the nerve to ask. However, the tactful "explanation" is to say simply "Thomas and I will be having a very small wedding." It is neither necessary nor wise to go into the reasons WHY you have made this decision. Should anyone press for more information, just keep repeating things like "It's best for everyone this way" "Everyone concerned feels this is what will work best" and so on until they get the idea that you don't care to say more.

Answer 5

They'll probably understand when you say you're keeping it really small.

Answer 6

All you have to say is "Sorry, but we're keeping our wedding very small and intimate, since we're having it in my parent's back yard."  No further explanation is needed here.  It's your wedding, there should be no hurt feelings here.

Answer 7

I'm sorry, but finances won't allow for the kind of wedding we would need to invite everyone we want. Right now we are having a very intimate gathering with only a few of the closest family and friends. I appreciate your interest in sharing this day with us, and I'll convey those feelings to my future husband.... Thank You for your understanding and support...

You could make it a nice Thank You note to all that have asked about the wedding....

Answer 8

Once you explain to people they will understand after all it is you and your future husbands day. Alot of people have their ceremonies and then at a later date they have a reception where they can invite all that werent able to attend the wedding. They will appreciate that because they wont feel left out. Good Luck

Answer 9

I overthought about how much people would take offence, then people were very understanding just be honest

good luck and congrats x x

Answer 10

Ver thoughtfully, respond:

"I'm sorry, [person inquiring about invitation], but we're on a very tight budget and we will only be able to have a very intimate wedding. I appreciate you letting me know you'd like to attend."

Short, simple, and to the point. Even if you would be able to afford for these people to go, no one asks questions when it comes to money situations. Good luck!

Answer 11

Wow a bride who actually cares about her fiances feelings. How refreshing. First of all do not discuss your wedding everytime you see these friends. Just keep it private as you can. Then when you ever do have to talk about it if they bring it up, just tell them its family only as well as best man and maid  of honor. Thats all you need say. If they get mad then you know who not to have as your friends. Best wishes

Answer 12

First of all this is your wedding and you should have it the way you want and you do not need to feel guilty about it.

You do not need to explain yourself to anyone.  If anyone who is not invited asks about it, just simply say that you are having a small private affair for family and a few close friends and leave it at that.

Most people understand that a wedding is an expensive thing.  Some people don't like large crowds and cringe at the thought of 100+ people at a party.  You deserve to have your day the way you want it.  If they do have hurt feelings that is not your problem it's theirs so no over explaining is needed.

Good luck!

Answer 13

You don't really owe anyone an explanation. Just invite the people you were going to invite, and if anyone else questions you, tell them you wanted to keep the wedding small. You really, REALLY don't need to defend yourself - it's your wedding, and it's completely up to you to make the guest list. If someone's going to be SO hurt by not being invited that it's going to sour your friendship, maybe it wasn't such a great friendship to begin with. I bet you that most people will be very understanding.

Answer 14

Since you only invited 2 friends each I think that won't be too offensive. It's obvious that it's a small wedding. I think people will understand if you just tell the truth.