How do I temper my vigilance when interfacing with "bosses"?

Question

I know, this isn't necessarily a gender question, but I find great knowledge of human nature here. I got fired last week from my day job, and I have to start interviewing and be a newbie again. I find that more than 1/2 of all bosses (owners, leads, and sometimes equals training me in) use fear and shame like a mechanic uses a diagnostic tools and a wrench.

I've tried many things, including therapy, and found that these help:

-Increasing proficiency, knowledge and flexibility

-Trying to assess what they want and doing that as quickly as I can

-Taking it easier for a couple of months outside of work when I'm new on a job

The one thing I haven't tried is to remain fairly vigilant from the very beginning, and being ready to stay fairly vigilant as long as is necessary. Some of the worst ones will be nicest at first. I'm concerned that my vigilance will be read for what it is, which is a method for dealing with a person who is unpleasant. How do I temper that?

Answer 1

First off, be easy on yourself. Being fired is a major hit to our psyches, worse given your past experience.

1. Learn to be comfortable with confrontation.

2. Educate yourself for a better job.

3. Don't accept jobs without job descriptions. At work, you're basically being paid to fulfill a role, that you agree to or not.

You sound like a nice person, albeit easily intimidated.  In all relationships, we play out the dynamics with one or both parents. That's where your healing needs to be focused. Since therapy didn't take (not all therapists are skilled or a good match), "Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives" by Laura Schlessinger - while speaking to romantic relationships - will help you at work.

Answer 2

I have found in my experience that it's best to always take the High Road- be aware of your body language that says one thing (like you don't care about what the boss is saying, by slumping or looking away), and then you are saying something else.  The High Road means you watch you say: always use a good tone of voice, positive attitude even if you don't agree with what the boss is saying, good eye contact, listen to what the boss says, and repeat in your own words what what said to confirm.  Smile.  Use the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Also, just remember that there are bosses that you can never please.  Also, keep track with documentation what they ask, if possible to cover your ***.  Good luck.

Answer 3

fear and shame? honey, where have you been working? sweat shops?