How do I treat a pregnant child?

Question

My sister is 11. She got raped several time for one day by our step-father (she got pregnant). My mom and our step-father (who is in jail now) lost custody on her and I got it (I'm 21, she lives with me now). That happened a few months ago until my sister told us about it. She is now pregnant in the end of 4th month (15th week, due date February 11). When she gives birth, we are keeping the baby.

I work and my sis is homeschooling. My job allows me to support my sister and a baby. What the problem is, I don't know how to treat her now. She is a kid and I don't know what does she need as a psychological help (from me), what to do with her. Should I punish her when being disobedient or should I let her do what she wants? Does she need special treatment because of the pregnancy and if yes, what exactly? How much freedom should I give her? I appreciate all answers!

P.S. We share a room, since my place is only a room, kitchen and bathroom. I'm not changing the kitchen into a sleeping room juts because my sis is not a boy. When the baby is born, we might move to a bigger place so the baby would have his/her own room.

Answer 1

She's your sister don't treat her any different. Don't let her do what she wants. She may be pregnant but she's not an adult yet! Give her rules and tell her that you didn't have to take her in! If she wants to talk about what happened listen and offer advice and help! She is just going to need lots of support from you! Your a great brother!!:)

Answer 2

Even though she is your sister you've taken on the role of a parent as you are her guardian. So yes you will need to discipline her and talk to her about how shes feeling and go to her appointments too. Best of luck with it all and well done for taking her in!

Answer 3

I agree with mcafee. no one else in this world knows the situation better than you and her. in case anyone has forgotten, in the old days if you were a girl then you were married at this age and started giving heirs.

its totally yours and her choice to keep the child and I did find that women who were raped and got pregnant said later that raising the child gave them therapy and closure. abortion does not take away the trauma it only adds to the guilt in most cases.

she still needs boundaries and limitations and I am glad to see that she is continuing her education. just get her some counseling for the both of you and take it one day at time and tell her to not be ashamed of her decision.

you will often find that doing the right thing sometimes mean you will be doing it alone

Answer 4

I don't see how it would be good for her psychologically to keep the baby. She needs to have a somewhat normal life. She's never going to be able to do that with a baby.

Answer 5

This is out of anyones league here.  See a therapist and allow professionals to give you advice.  I am shocked that her giving birth is even an option.  

Answer 6

i agree with the other answers... she's a child and needs to be treated like one... speak to as many people as possible from professionals to over the phone info. you two both need help... i hope you get it

Answer 7

You know I am not a professional but being raped is very emotional I was raped at a young age and no one dealt with me.  I went into seclusion and I just stayed to myself never opening up. I stopped trusting every one.  I started running away from home, I stopped talking to people.  It was hard.

Here is what I suggest. She is 11 just a child she needs some counseling that is for sure.  But I would say she is still a child mentally and she has to have boundries, having your innocense stolen from you changes you and being pregnant at a young age when your body had not fully developed is alot to deal with.

Please get her some help this is a special situation.  You need some support too cause your going to have to raise this baby.  

I wish you and your sister all the best and I hope that you can get her into some counseling as well as yourself.  

Answer 8

dont listen to them...especially because there are laws against abortion past three months...any way shes gonna be a teenager with a kid so dont expect her to be entirely responsilble cuz teens are irresponsible..parenting classes are a must! good luck

Answer 9

Please get this child an abortion before it's too late Brian, she has been raped...have you any idea how much this will traumatise her psychologically & ruin her body. Shame on you!

Answer 10

First of all, it's dangerous and irresponsible to let an 11 year old child give birth. Her body is not completely physically ready for that. What kind of doctors are you taking her to?

She needs to see a therapist, for one thing, because I'm sure she's psychologically traumatized.

She still does need to be treated like a child, she needs rules, boundaries, and discipline.

Answer 11

I totally agree with Manne, 100%

She needs to see a counsellor, and you could also benefit from this as well.

She also still needs boundaries, she is only 11, which is the age that young girls start maturing and testing their parents/guardians. Her pregnancy will make her worse than ever.

As long as you are prepared for this, and you let her know that she is still a child, but you are there for her, and you will support her through this, you will be fine.

Good luck

Answer 12

you need to treat her like other 11 year old girls. if you let her do what she wnats she will run around and not know right from wrong. let her be 11 she didnt ask for this. my sister was 15 when she had my niece and she is the best mom and we are blessed to have that little girl. make sure you treat her normal but also dont blame her for this and keep her happy and healthy and I wish you the best of luck. Times will get dark but let the clouds pass it will get brighter and you will accept this baby as a gift and a god send. Be happy and only think of whats best and think of your future. Help her she still needs you pregnant or not.

Answer 13

Hello Brian,

    Do not listen to these people who are calling you names for letting your sister keep the baby. Your sister is 11 and "yes" still a child, but you and her know what is best for you two.

  My cousin was raped at 11 and had the baby on her 12th B.D. Yes, it could have been a dangerous situation, but her Doctors knew what they were doing, and she had no problems. She kept the baby, and she and baby are doing great. Mom is 24 and daughter is 12.

You both will need counseling, and with your Doctors and with the Therapist, you both should do fine. They will help you and her, adjust to being a child and being a parent, because both of you are in this together. You two, will have some tough times ahead of you, but with Love from friends and family, you will make it thru all this.

   I am so sorry this has happened to you and your little sister, but with Prayer, you two will make it.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and you are confident in your means of support, and I am "PROUD" of you for being a true "FAMILY" person.

Good luck, and please don't listen to people who down you for doing what you are doing. Keep you head held high, and walk proud.

                                                               God Bless You Two

                                                                         Debi

PS.

People, give them encouragement, not discourangement.

and Pray for them....DON'T JUDGE ...

Answer 14

A couple of questions...

1. why on earth is this child having and keeping this baby? SHE is the priority. Whoever is allowing this to happen is making a serious mistake with regard to her physical and mental health. (And should be disciplined appropriately.)

2. what child protection agency allows you guardianship of your sister in a space that does not provide an 11 year old child her own room; further, what child protection agency is going to allow a minor child to retain custody of a child she bears as a result of a sexual assault?

*ahem* sorry. This is just the most ridiculous and cruel situation I've ever heard (and I have my doubts about it's reality).

That said, she, perhaps more than most kids will need structure, boundaries, and LOVE. Discipline (in the way it's usually meant) probably won't fly -- her experiences have taken a lot of childhood from her (which is going to continue to be true by making her/allowing her to have this child). She needs counselling, support, and her OWN SPACE within your collective home.

She's 11, so she's going to be disobedient -- when it's typical 11 year old behaviour, you should deal with it as you would with any other 11 year old. Behaviours that are more extreme (more "adult," as it were) will have to be dealt with in different ways. Unfortunately, this kid has been thrust into this weird space between being a child, and being an adult (again, which is being reinforced by her carrying and keeping this child... baaaaaad idea. did i already say that?)

Counselling. Lots of it.

Some credible professionals in her life. Quickly.

Some support for you, as well, as these are deep and difficult issues you're both dealing with.

Good luck. For her sake, I really hope this is a hypothetical.

Answer 15

are you KIDDING ME ? your making her keep a rape child !! you completely arrogant evil f*cking idiots !!

how could u do that to her ?????

you do realize she could DIE giving birth ?? but oh no 'its a life'

she could have recovered form an abortion but a child will be a constant living reminder , she has no money , no means of support.

you are unbelievably ignorant and should not have custody of her.

the state should have giving her a forced abortion.

Answer 16

Get her some professional help. Your going to have to take her to birthing and parenting classes as well.

Answer 17

You have to lay down rules because you are her legal guardian. She has 7 more years before she can do what She wants. Dont give her special treatment, but rememeber all she has been through. If shes down, pick her up. Thats a horrible situation, your step father deserves the death penalty, slow and painful. Well lay down the rules but just keep in mine pregnancy hormones (pissed off lol) and also everything she has been through emotionally. She needs you there to talk but some people are better off not talking about things that haunt them. It will haunt her eventually, maybe she should see a psych before it all hits her.. PTSD hits most people in this situation or they go towards the wrong path. Ask her every now and then how she feels and if she needs anything, but dont let her roam around and do what she wants.