How do SAHMs do it?

Question

I'm not a fulltime SAHM...I'm home during the summer months because of my career (teacher) and my wonderful little boy...but, I'm finding life at home to be very depressing.

The first few weeks home with my son (who is 5), we went here, there and everywhere! I was just so thrilled to be able to be spending so much time with him. Once those weeks slowed down...we began to stay home more so I could focus on getting my home cleaned out and organized (something I can't focus too much on when I'm working fulltime). But lately, I have felt like all I'm good for is being a mom, cleaning and cooking. It feels kind of depressing. The only other adults I see are other Moms when we organize playdates and my husband. It's all just so different from being a working mom...

So tonight...I'm in this funk...and it's gotten worse over the last week. I feel depressed because of staying home full time...is this what other SAHMs feel? How do you get past that?

Answer 1

I LOVE being a SAHM!  It allows me to be more flexible in my day. My son is 16 months old. I clean when he naps during the day. If it doesn't get done then it waits until the next day's nap.

We play outside in the sprinkler or with his play pool.  He loves filling containers with water in the pool and dumping them out or just splashing.

He loves going to the park or playing on his swing and slide in our yard, The sandbox is a hit too as is blowing bubbles in the shade.

We go to story time at the library and get books to read.  Barnes and Nobles has the same type of story time on Saturday mornings for free.

Sometimes we walk around our neighborhood or I take him out for an icecream that we share together.

There is a duck pond he loves to go to to feed the ducks near our house as well.

For adult interaction I go to different scrap and crop groups for scrapbooking and various mom groups with our church and community.  Try meetup.com and see if some mom groups are near you.  You could also look for different mom's day out programs at your church or local churches. Kids get to play and mom gets time off with other mom's or to do what mom wants (like sleep, clean, shop etc..)

Answer 2

I have felt that very same way. I worked until she was about 1 year old, now she is 2. The bad thing is I have to wait for some important paperwork on my car before I can drive it so we are basicaly stuck at home.

I WANT a job sooo badly, I want to deal with adults, and be out of the house.

I use any excuse for my husband to take me somewhere when he gets home, even if he is tired.

I can tell my daughter gets frustrated with me at times as well.

I wish I had a way to help you feel better, but I havent figured it out yet, just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Could you possibly find a seasonal job just thru the summer... maybe a part time job?

Good Luck to you!

Answer 3

If you feel like you just need to get away for a bit, which is perfectly reasonable, maybe ask your other half to have your son while you go shopping, or maybe meet a couple of friends in the evening? If I'm having a hard time with mine, I get my husband to watch them while I go to the shop and get a few bits. A few minutes of peace and quiet can sometimes make a world of difference.

Answer 4

As with anything it has its ups and downs!

sometimes you go crazy with boredom - other times you are loving the lazy days.

personally i wonder how working mums do it - all that stress of having to rush off to work and try to keep everyone organised (while still doing the cleaning and cooking)!  They are superwomen!

I think the way to get past the 'funk' as you call it is to realise that it doesn't last forever.  Your kids are small for only a short time - and then they don't want to know you anymore!  I figure i can go back to work anytime i want to -but i can never get back the chance of spending time with my little ones once they grow up.

Answer 5

It's because it's summertime. I am a SAHM and find the summer to be crazy busy with very little structure. I don't get depressed at all but by August I begin to yearn for the structure in our lives that comes when school starts.

In the meantime I try not to worry so much about the housekeeping. I get it done here and there but try not to be so "OC" about it. My goal is for our family to have a fun summer.

Answer 6

I think moms who do it all year round are used to it and just get into a good routine. If you only do it a few months out of the year then it's harder to get into a routine because like you said you start off busy then it slows down and before you know it you are back to work anyway so it's hard to find that routine.

I am a SAHM to 4 kids but they all go to school full time. I love being home and while many frown upon women who stay home once their kids are in school I think it's great for my kids that I am here. I have the time to do cleaning, laundry, errands and prepare nice meals every night. When they get home I am all theirs for homework help and dinner together and just spending time together. I could get a job during the school year but then I'd have to find a sitter in the summer and vacations and sick days and with 4 kids it just works out better with me being here. When someone is sick, no biggie, I am here.

I love being a stay home mom and my husband is happy working his job so it works out for all of us. There are certainly times where all the work is done and the kids are at school and I get antsy but I have been going walking and finding things to do in that time.

EDIT: Kris M, I didn't appreciate the nasty email regarding how you do all I do and work 40 hours a week. I didn't say one negitive thing about working moms in my answer and I never said anything about staying home being a hard job so I don't know why you felt the need to email me like that. Sounds like maybe you are just jealous that you don't stay home.

Answer 7

I'm a SAHM to four children, with #5 on the way.  You said that you feel like all you're good for is being a mom, cleaning and cooking, and that it is depressing.  What you're essentially saying is that you don't view those as valuable things, or at least not as valuable as going and working for some company.

Most SAHMs are such because they see raising their child(ren) full-time and taking care of the household and being more available for their husband and family in general as more valuable and worthwhile and meaningful than going off to work for others.  They see what they're doing at home as being a "real job."  That right there is a difference that wards off much cause for depression.

Answer 8

I don't "get past it", I take pride in it.  I am proud to be "being a mom, cleaning and cooking" (your words).  I don't  find it depressing. I have always wanted to be a SAHM.  I love that my biggest rewards are having well behaved, intelligent children that other people like to be around.  That is reward enough for me.  I know working moms can have good kids, too.  But for me, it is ENOUGH that I am at home with my children.

Answer 9

I have been a stay at home, it can be boring, demoralising and seem pointless at times. I have been a working mum too, I am now. We hear a lot about how hard it is for working mums, but never do we hear how difficult it is to be a full time mum.  I got through the bad days and months(That often seemed never ending) by planning. I sat with my son every evening after his story and we planned out a rota for the next day and wrote it down, we followed it. By talking to my son I discovered many more interesting activities we could do together than just the housework, but also because he had such a long wish list and a lot of energy, we packed everyday with things to do and the time flew. Ditch the housework and have some play time.

Answer 10

I'm not sure how you get past that....

but....

I'm a full time stay at home mom of 2 boys: a 5 yr old and 17 month old and I don't feel that way at all!! I have been a sahm since before my 5 yr old was even born. I have never felt depressed for being home. I find it a wonderful opportunity to spend time playing, teaching, and loving my children.

I suppose some people feel they need more in life. I feel this IS my life. And I'm extremely happy with it!

Answer 11

Take a moment and think about how lucky you are to have a career that gives you the luxury of time to spend with your child over the summer.Your days with your child do not have to be one continuous adventure .Sometimes it is nice just to paint a picture  together or make a craft.Your son is 5 so he could be mommy's little helper  and do little tasks to help out.He will feel like a big boy  and you will be spending time with your son.When you are at work you know you must plan your time  to get everything done ( or at least to make the list smaller).Enjoy this time with your son.He will be little for such a short time.Trust me one day you will be surrised to see your son all grown up and you will wish that you could have these years back.Maybe you could look into tutoring a few students just to give yourself a break from your daily routine.There is no job that is more demanding and underappreciated as being a parent.Go on a walk with your son and wait until he hands you a bouquet of flowers ( dandelions) and tell you he loves you..That always made my heart sing.Take care.

Answer 12

I felt that way during my maternity leave.  I felt like I belonged in the 1950s.  I had 3 months, but I only took less than a month.  I know I would never, ever be a stay at home mom.  Maybe you can find something part time?  You said your are a teacher...could you find some students to tutor or work at a tutoring center?

Answer 13

I'm a SAHM and I love it more than anything I've ever done. But that doesn't mean that I don't often(!) get depressed never leaving the house, never talking to another adult, constantly refilling sippy cups and changing diapers.... Sometimes I feel like I have no life, that I'm just a robot performing menial tasks. I'm bored and boring. ...and yet, I still love it. It IS a rewarding job and it IS fun and I DO love what I do and I love my family and, heck, sometimes I even love doing housework. The best things you can do for yourself are 1) Have a hobby, or do something that's just for you 2) Have at LEAST one mom friend and one "girl" friend 3) Go on dates with your husband 4) Make time (even if it's just 10 min) to be totally by yourself.

Answer 14

I'm a new SAHM; just quit my job 3 months ago to stay home with my infant son.  I used to be a flight attendant, so I know exactly how you feel.  I sometimes miss flying, going to different cities, eating out, hanging out with the rest of the crew, etc.  My husband's a pilot so he's doing all that while I'm home wiping pureed carrots off the high chair.  But then I think about the stuff I get to see, that my husband only hears about in phone calls:  first tooth, first time crawling, first bite of ice cream, etc. and I realize that IT'S SO WORTH IT to stay at home!  Hang in there.

Answer 15

hopes this will help more than the saintly pampered always stay home moms  take a overnight trip to a state  park with a beach...or a day trip not everything needs to be learning

involve your child in cleaning we are going to give this to kids that need it

rainy day? make popcorn snuggle and watch  a movie

a walk through the local cemetery just talk and walk...stay at homes do not realize how spoiled they are