How do adopted children feel about their adoptive parents?

Question

Do they usually form a good bond? Do they resent them somehow for not being their birth parents? Get angry at suggestions they should be grateful?

Answer 1

I did not bond with my adopters, and I never considered them my family.

However, I did not resent THEM.They were not supposed to raise me, that was my mother's job.

I was never, and will never be grateful. There is nothing to be grateful for in regards to abandonment/adoption.

Answer 2

I was adopted by my grandparents, I do not know my father but my mother is actually my sister.  I was lied to until the age of 13 when I was experiencing all kinds of personal issues in my life but to hit with this at an age when I thought my life was good.  I have never lied to my children about who I am they kinow all about my adoption etc and its best to tell the truth not grateful as you suggest, unless you have all the facts face out in front of you.  Although I had a good upbringing I hated being lied too.

Answer 3

My aparents are my parents, plain and simple.  The others are just an egg and sperm donar.  I am lucky to be here actually, my B mother wanted to abort me, and had regretted not doing  it ever since.

Answer 4

i adored mine.  i still hate adoption, but i love my parents.

Answer 5

I love my adoptive parents more than I can say.

My relationship with them has nothing to do with how I feel about the dire way infant adoption is practised in the USA today or the secrets and lies, stigma and outdated closed records laws that remain in the US adoption system.

Answer 6

well. my neice's friend is adopted. and quite frankly, the girl hates it. my neice was told by her friend she couldnt 'hang' with her or be friends cause they dont playout after school. they live very far away from the school and this is very difficult for my neice to go all the way over to theirs.

hope i helped.

lisa

Answer 7

I love MY MOM with all my heart she saved my life.....The sperm donors are now dead.....I think........... and I could care less.

Answer 8

Two of my younger cousins were adopted at birth.

My aunt and uncle were unable to conceive, so they turned to adoption rather than 'medical intervention'.

The oldest girl's birth mother was a 16 year old girl who wasn't ready to be a mom. She sees my cousin every year around her birthday.

My younger cousins' birth mom never wanted to have anything to do with her. She was actually going to have an abortion, but some friends told her about my aunt and uncle and how they wanted to have another baby. The birth mom changed her mind, and decided to go through with the pregnancy.

Both girls have a very close bond with our entire family! I love them both to pieces, it doesn't matter to me that they aren't genetically related.

I can't say that they've been confronted with many questions about being grateful or resentful. I'd say they have a relationship like most kids & parents. They've bonded just fine, and they all love eachother very much!

Answer 9

How any child bonds with their parents adopted or not depends on the individuals. I was adopted for the second time at a little over 2 yrs old. We had the typical parent child relationship, good when young, a little rocky during teen age years, and great as adult. All parents and their children go through different stages in the relationship. They may not have conceived me but they were my parents in every aspect of the word. I probably had a better relationship with my parents than most of my friends who were raised by their bio's. I have never had anyone suggest that I should be grateful. I am glad that they chose to adopt me and they never treated me as anything but their own.

Answer 10

I hope in the end there is no resentment against a-parents specifically, more about the process.  

I am hoping for a good bond with our adoptive children, there are no signs of attachment disorder from any psych reports thus far, and they have all been in one foster home since they came into care two years ago.  My job is to love and nurture them adn how they process that years from now I really have no control over.

I do want to say though that all children should have some gratitude for their parents, not that they were adopted, but all children who had great parents should be grateful as there are many children adopted, not adopted, etc., there are many children period who have less than stellar parents, so as a person not adopted I am grateful for myh parents life lessons, although they had their problems I am always grateful for what they did give me, and hope my children will feel the same, adopted or not.  (in this case adopted)

Answer 11

I think each individual experience will be different.  No matter how loved you are, for many many people who have been adopted, they will always want to find "where they came from" and often try and trace their real parents later in life - this is not a slight against the adoptive parents, just a basic human instinct.  Hopefully, no child is made to feel grateful, on the contrary, they are told they are special as they were chosen.

Answer 12

I can only speak for myself.  I formed a wonderful bond with my parents.  They were always open to discuss my adoption with me, I always knew.  Never once was I angry or resentful with them.  There were times that I wished that they were my birth parents but I figure they are as close as it gets, in regards to how well they treated me and cared for me.

Answer 13

I know that they love me. I don't love them in the typical-child-parent relationship way. I respect them, I act like I love them. I protect them from the truth-that somehow I will always love my birthparents more. I get very frustrated if they try to understand me; there will always be part of me they do not understand.

Answer 14

Children are all unique and how they feel about their parents is generally how they feel...

Q: Do they usually bond?

A: Well, it depends how many "caregivers" the child has had and what the bond was like with these caregivers. It depends on if a child has made a healthy bond or unhealthy bond with any of the caregivers.... It depends on how transitions were from one caregiver to the next... It depends on the Early Infancy stage and if the child learned to rely on a caregiver to meet their needs--or if the baby cried for hours and learned to suffer without any attention.... It depends a lot on how the first 3 years of life were--and if the child learned that they mattered or not.....it depends on how the child feels on the first impression meeting the growing up family--on how the family works on the intitial transition...on how the family responds to the honeymoon--or to the red-flags...on how much the parents expect and so many things it is actually impossible to know....

Attachment is NOT a Person it is a Process.... if the first attachments were bad--then the child doesn't learn the process... And.... The LAST move can be the Move that causes the attachment issues to be damaged....

Don't know about the resentment issues.... I resent my parents for being stupid teenagers who decided to get married and pretend they were parents.... So--children resenting their parents CAN BE all about a lot of things....

The Grateful stuff ***** Are you asking if the child would be angry about being grateful for BEING Adopted?  Well, that is is the attitude a parent would have that would Most surely cause a child to be angry... A Kid has no say in why they were adopted and should have to be grateful they were.... It isn't their fault and they should not be expected to be grateful for the things Children should be able to take for granted...

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Answer 15

I love my parents, ALL of them. I don't have a great bond with any of them, not like my friends who were raised by their natural parents anyhow. I don't resent my aparents for not being my natural parents, that would be foolish. I get very angry when anyone suggests I should be grateful for being adopted. I was not "chosen" or hand picked from a room full of babies, I was not a blessed gift or miracle. I was a baby with no say in what would happen to me.

Answer 16

Let's see, did I form a good bond..not so much.  Do I resent my aparents for not being my bparents...actually, yes, as irrational as it is, yes I do.  Do I get angry at suggestions I should be grateful...h**l, yes.  I have no reason to be grateful for having been taken from the mother who loved me and given to a family of strangers.  I do love my adoptive parents, but I hate being adopted with a passion.

Answer 17

I was adopted as was my older brother (we are not biological siblings). Neither of us have any resentment towards our  parents. Many of my parents friends have adopted children and they are all just regular families. They all bonded with their adoptive parents without trouble. I was not adopted until I was nearly a year old and another friend was adopted at the age of 2. Both of us bonded with our adoptive families without issue. If any of us ever got angry it was towards our birth parents when we were young. Knowing that someone gave you up can cause feelings of confusion but with loving, supportive family to help you through those times, everything is fine. Now at 25 I have a relationship with my birthmom and her family. Its nice to have her in my life but it doesnt change that my adoptive parents are Mom and Dad and will always be!

Answer 18

I think it all depends on the person, how much information they'd been given and what the situation was.

I'm an adopted child and  i have no desire to meet my real parents. Maybe in the future i will but at present i really don't form any opinion.

I love my adopted parents with all my heart and never resented them for one minute.