How do adoptee's feel about Mother's Day ?

Question

Do you have mixed feelings? Do you dread Mothers day and all it's expectations? If you are not in contact with your birth mother, do you miss her and do feel the need to hide this from you adoptive mother?

Those in contact with their birth mother, do you send her a card ?

To this day, I still have mixed feelings about Mother's day, as a mother and as an adoptee. When I first had contact with my birth mother, finding a store bought card, with a verse that fit was near impossible.

Answer 1

i'm a 15 year old adoptee. i hate mothers day. i was adopted when i was only 2, and have always known i was adopted. even though i didnt know my birth mother at all (she's died about 5 years ago) i still feel like she's my mother, and i feel no connection to my adoptive mother.

Answer 2

Ok, before I met my birthmom, Mothers day was a little sad just because I wished I knew her.

Now that I DO know her I send her a big gift every year. Just because no matter what she is still my mom. I do get my adoptive mom something special as well because they are both my mom and I love them both.

But its fun to be able to celebrate mothers day with my birthmom. And I know she feels really special after all these years to be able to be called mom from me on Mothers Day.

I agree with you on finding a mothers day card. They all say things like "thanks mom for being there for me and kissing my boo boos blah blah blah" which obviously she never did. Try just making your own card. Or send her a funny one.

Answer 3

when my mom was alive, i gave her a card for mother's day.  

nowadays, i send my bmom a friendly card "thinking of you" type thing and will be taking her to dinner.

I make nothing more of hte Hallmark holiday than it is

Answer 4

I was adopted and found my birthmother several years ago, but she died a year ago.

The first Mother's Day with both a newfound biological mother, and an adopted mother, was strange. I sent my birthmother flowers, and spent the day, as I had for 30+ years, with the mother that raised me.

So, I think honesty is the best policy. Depending on your relationships, I wouldn't hide your birthmother from your adopted Mother. They don't have to meet, or become friends. But make sure your adopted mother doesn't feel threatened. Mine did, and needed lots of reassuring from me, that she wouldn;t lose me.

For a card, you can just get a pretty blank one, and fill in your own words.

Answer 5

It just mothers day to me, growing up I don’t remember once thinking of my birthmother on mother’s day. I guess because I don’t see her as my mother.  I spend time with my mom and grandmother but we typical don’t go out for dinner or anything like that.

If i was ever in a reunion with her i'm not sure i would even send her mothers day card. Because to be honest if I ever had a relationship with her which i cant see ever happening but if it did it would be on a friend level and not mother/daughter.

Answer 6

I have a mother..and she is my adoptive mother.  I look forward to mother's day like any other person no different just because I am an adoptee.

Answer 7

I used to work with someone that was adopted.  She was not in contact with her birth mother and didn't feel the need to try and find her.  Everyone's different though.  But what I loved was on Mother's Day HER mother that adopted her would send her some flowers saying how glad she was that she was her daughter.  She would have never been a Mom if she hadn't adopted her.  

Happy Mother's Day to you .

Answer 8

Well lets see how do I feel about Mothers day..

My adoptive mother is dead and my heart aches

My birth mother well I am dead to her and my heart aches

But I am a mother ( and a FANTASTICLY HAPPY ONE TOO) and I am happy about that so I am uplifted on mothers day because I am a mother

But my heart still aches for my mother's

Because you can still be sad about one part of your life and happy about your other part of your life without one s******g the other up......!!!!! although some people cant see that

Answer 9

I love mothers day. I honor my amom  on that day as best as I can, because to me she is my real mother. She really doesn't have any high expectations other than a generic card, even if I just sign my name she feels appreciated. This year I gave her flowers early and she started to cry.

Yes, I know I have a bmom but I do not know her. I am in search, but I cannot imagine her being my mom because she did not raise me. It is just how I feel on the subject, maybe if I find her we will become close but she will never replace my amom.

If you cannot find the "perfect card" why not use a card generator and put in a verse from a song or poem that explains exactly how you feel?

Answer 10

How do I feel about mothers day?

I celebrate it with my Adoptive mother, because she deserves the right and has earned her place as my mother.

I dont think about my birth mother on that day anymore than I do any other day. She has anouther 5 kids, that she kept, to spoil her on that day.

Answer 11

No different from an unadopted baby

Answer 12

On Mother's Day there is so much to focus on that I don't really think about it.  I honor my (A) mother, my mother-in-law, and my kids honor me.  So, I think I'm usually just so busy on that day having brunches that I don't dwell on being adopted. :-)  

I feel more mixed feelings that you talk about on my birthday.  Maybe because the focus is on me. I always feel this strange connection on that day to a person I have never met and I wonder what she is thinking.  I feel that people don't understand or acknowledge this and feel more melancholy on my bday.

Mothers Day for me is more about the parenting aspect. It's more about honoring the love and effort Mothers put in.  So, for me this means my adopted mother and it means celebrating my own role as mother to my three girls and my niece and nephew.

Answer 13

It comes with mixed emotions.

My amom passed away 11 years ago tomorrow, it was a Friday, the Friday before Mother's Day.  It was probably the most devastating day of my life.

I am in reunion with my n-mom, and things have been up and down, currently up, but I'm not sure if I should send her anything or not...I'm the one who's always afraid of doing too much and sending her running because I've pushed too hard or asked for more than she is willing to give.  

Of course, since I am also a mom to two cute and bratty little monkeys, I look forward to the cute little cards they make in school and the dandelions that they pick for me out in the yard.  It's the best thing in the world to get their little hugs and kisses!!

Yet it's bittersweet because neither one of their grandmas have seen them...my amom died before they were born, my nmom hasn't met them yet.  So they don't know any grandparents on my side of the family (adad died 10 months before amom did).

I like the day, and what it stands for...I like to honor the memories of my amom and my grandmothers and one great-grandmother that I remember.  But there's a lot of heartbreak involved in it too, at least for me.

Answer 14

I don't like it. I wish I could just skip it.

Answer 15

i wonder if she even thinks about me on days like this.

because not a day goes by that i dont think about her.

& i dont even know her.

Answer 16

Yes, I have mixed feelings.  I am an "orphan" now. My adopted mom "unadopted" me 2 days after my dad died -11 years ago.  She reluctantly agreed to my adoption (to please my dad), & we never did form a close bond. Mother's day was always a little wierd. I could never buy cards saying what a wonderful, loving mom she was b/c she wasn't that to me.  

I met my first mom in 1983.  She died 10 years ago. Our relationship grew over 16 years following our reunion.  Nothing can replace the years we lost to adoption. (She didn't willingly relinquish me. I was placed in foster care & later adopted b/c she was told by DSS she'd never get me back. She was a poor, working mom B4 welfare.)

Joyfully, I now have a loving "mother-daughter" relationship with my daughter.  Something I longed for growing up. My step-daughter considers me her "other mother"  : )  And I have 3 beautiful grandkids - 2 girls & 1 boy. My daughter is absolutely, amazingly wonderful! She lovingly encourages my relationship with my grandchildren. I am very blessed.  

I still miss my first mom.  But am happy beyond words that I found her.  Searching was the best thing I ever did.  I'm grateful to my a.mom for that, too. B/C she gave me the information she had & encouraged me to find.

Answer 17

I don't really celebrate mother's day because i celebrate my mom everyday. i know it sounds corny, but i don't need a day to recongize how much i love her, since i do it everyday. so, mother's day doesn't really bother me, because it's just another day to me.

Answer 18

They feel horrible!  They don't have any real parents to thank!!!!  And if they are in contact with their real mother of course you send her a card!!!!!!!!!!!!  And if you can't find a card, just make one! By any chance are you my mother