How do be okay with his bachelor party?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and are getting married in less than 3 weeks. The guys are all taking him to a strip club for his bachelor party and I am not okay with it, but I don't want to be the girl that doesn't let him go. He knows I am not okay with it and he is still going. I don't know how to be okay with him going because the thought of naked women dancing all over him is horrible.

Answer 1

First of all, if he knows how it makes you feel he should respect that.  Second, why does it bother you? If it is a trust issue, than you have some serious thinking to do before getting married. If it is just the thought of him being in a strip club, I would just do something to keep you busy. At the end of the night he is coming home to you. If you trust him, there shouldn't be a problem.

My fiance is planning on doing the same thing for his, personally I think that strip clubs are disgusting. BUT if that is what he wants to do, than it is fine by me. I know that I have nothing to worry about.

Answer 2

I have always felt very much the same way. Like if he is happy and satisfied with me then why is it ok to pay to see someone else nude and even more then that, have thier naked bits inches from his face? I dont think it is ok. He went once when he turned 18 and that was mostly because he was young and his friends would have given him soo much s__t if I hadnt given in. Our solution was to have a joint event. We have been together 5 1/2 years and have a 1 year old; so there isnt much we dont do together. We have all the same friends anyway, many of whome are married. So we just felt it easier to go to the casino and party (we live near atlantic city) together, no strip clubs. But I think the greater problem is that this is making you so upset and he dosnt care. There will be many many many times in life that there are things his "friends" will think he should do that will not be acceptable for you lifestyle together. And if he cant stand up to them and take a bit of c**p NOW then he NEVER will. And believe me, especially once you have a kid; it will be MUCH more of a problem then. It is one small stupid thing, that stands and says sooo much more for how he thinks of you vs. how he thinks of his friends.

*EDIT- Sorry but that last horrah as a single guy, and hes comming home to you ect. should NOT fly. There are a lot of things that come up, especailly when you live together; that his friends will think is acceptable that you wont. And even if HE thinks they are unacceptable he may still try and partake in them. But that is NOT OK. He shouldnt be worrying about disappointing them. Who is he marrying them or you?

Answer 3

i wouldnt worry about it cause in the end hes coming home to you right?

Answer 4

My husband and I also met in 2003. Congrats, we were married last year. I know how you feel, about four years ago he was his brother’s best man, and they went to a strip club, I was so angry and hurt, but I never asked questions. This way if I didn't ask I did not have to have that images in my head, but then later got mad because he never offered any information either. So for him he was going to loose no matter what he did. Him knowing your not ok with it does not mean he is doing it to be spiteful, although that could be it too; he is doing it because sometimes even we as women do what were gonna do. It sucks, but if you let it bother you, that will start your marriage on the wrong foot. If he is going to a strip club, get your butt to one too your bachelorette and their are strip clubs with men in them. Also being jealous is natural, you know what you have and its not that you don't trust him, its you don't trust them strippers, let him know how you feel and let that be that. Like someone said earlier, he may be going to a strip club, but he is still coming home to you. It’s perfectly normal. If at the end of the day you do nothing else, tell him to at least respect you as his future wife and don't grope all over them. One last thing, for my bachelorette party I went to a strip club, with women in it, and to set your mind at ease; they really don't get to do that much to the women their anyway. The girls that were stripping wanted me to touch them more than the men; if it will make you feel better go and check out the place before his night out, or don't if you don't really want to know. Hope this helped. GOOD LUCK, also one more thing you can always go and buy a stripper pole for $100, tell him he doesent need to go out and see it when its rite there for him, not sure if your into that, but it may make him think twice.

Answer 5

Ah. The bachelor party. Well, sorry, but I am with you and I completely understand your position because let's just say my FI and I have had about ten discussions about it. He got a lap dance or a few last year at a bachelor party that his friends bought him and since then, I am not okay with it. In his defense, he didn't know I was going to feel that way. I feel like I shouldn't have had to tell him that it was not okay to get a lap dance.

Honestly, if you are anything like me, well, you need to have the talk with him.

I am so sick and tired of men and women thinking that getting married is an excuse to engage in disrespectful behavior.

My fiance and I finally came to an agreement to no strip club for his party. It isn't about trust. It is plain and simple: I find it disrespectful and the thought of it turns my stomach.

I am a bit of a feminist. And, guess what, I am being that woman. I have to stand up for what I believe in.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I totally understand where you are coming from, and I dont agree with people who say well it is their last night as a single guy, because the last night for him to be single was the night before you started dating. Since he probably doesnt understand what your feeling put it in terms of him.

Example: Get your girlfriends to come over, and bring pictures of some really hot guys. Talk about how your girlfriends will be getting you those strippers, and them buying you some lapdances, and how they get bucknaked, and how awesome it will be. They Key is to make sure he hears you talking about it, and it might tune him into how you are feeling about him being with strippers.

Answer 7

What are the laws in your state?  Most do not allow physical contact!

One bride told me once she'd rather have him to to a strip club where its more looking and there are security keeping everyone safe than a club with easy drunken women!

Its one night!  Go out the night with your girls to keep you mind off.  and if you trust him you have nothing to worry about!

Answer 8

going to a strip club seems like it's a bachelor's rite of passage on his way to getting married.  many bachelorettes don't like it.  communication is key to any relationship.  if you aren't comfortable with his going to a strip club, discuss why you aren't comfortable.  in the end, he probably will end up going to the strip club because he's out with his guys, but know that he'll be coming home to you since he loves you and is marrying you.

Answer 9

I think the problem here isn't so much the stripper aspect, but the fact that your husband to be is doing something even though he knows it makes you really uncomfortable.  That's not right.  I personally don't have anything against strippers or strip clubs, but I do have something against guys who feel like they're 'ending' their lives in some way by getting married.  He should be happy to be marrying you, not worrying about whether or not he'll get one more "night with the guys."  If that's what he needs, then why is he getting married?  If he doesn't love you enough to take your feelings into consideration, then why are you marrying him?

Answer 10

My husband was going to go to a strip club for his bachelor party. However, things happened. We had to move up the wedding due to his deployment. The bachelor and bachelorette party ended up being AFTER the actual wedding (LOL). Basically the guys and girls just went out for a night on the town because we didn't get to have either due to his deployment and having to move up the wedding date. We went to a strip club and then a local pub afterwards. The guys and the girls. It was a lot of fun. He saw women dance, he got lap dances, and so did I. It really isn't a big deal. I saw it with my own eyes and it didn't upset me at all. Don't let your own insecurities stand in the way of his bachelor party. He loves you, he is marrying you, what do you think is going to happen? He's going to see some boobies and decide they're better and leave you all of a sudden? I'm sure he's seen strippers or naked women before. It really isn't a big deal. You should be secure enough in your own relationship that you don't have to worry about it. Relax. He deserves to have some fun. Don't be that nagging annoying woman that won't let him do certain things. He's an adult, and he can make his own decisions. I've never seen a marriage broken up from a bachelor party, only marriages broken up from women not allowing men to make their own decisions. If on the very very very minute chance that something happens, well then good riddance. But I have never seen it happen.

Answer 11

You aren't okay with it and he's still going. That's a problem. I don't think you should have to be okay with it.

Answer 12

I'm hesitant to post this in public, but I feel compelled to tell you this.  I used to be a stripper, and so did many of my friends.  Strippers DO NOT WANT TO HAVE s*x WITH YOUR HUSBAND!!!  And to tell you the truth, your husband probably does not care about the strippers.  I have done countless bachelor dances, and the bachelor ALWAYS looks the same: He looks at his friends and looks pleased, then he looks at me pleadingly, and may even whisper, "I really love my future wife, and she is going to be SO MAD!!!  Please don't make any marks on me that will make it worse,"-(Which indicates that he doesn't want us to use the marker below the belt, which we never intended on anyway.  Bachelor parties are for the guys hosting it, not the bachelor.  The bachelor is always just waiting until he can go home while his drunk friends get really obnoxious.  By the end of the night, the strippers won't go near them, because they have no money-(we aren't there to make friends, we're there to pay the bills and go home to our own boyfriends/husbands).  So don't worry; the strippers don't want him, he doesn't want them, and the friskiest thing that will happen is the girls will pull him up on stage, sit him in a chair, write stupid things on his chest with a sharpie marker while the DJ makes fun of him, the girls will take his belt off and hit him with it, then ride him around the stage while he tries to keep them from accidentally stepping on his fingers with their sharp heels, and all the guys will go home broke, drunk, and utterly alone.  And little known fact: Strip clubs are HOT, particularly when you're on stage.  Those girls are hot, tired, and covered in sweat, which they try to cover up with body spray; in other words, they stink.  Your future husband probably isn't that attracted to sweaty women who can barely walk upright in their heels because their feet hurt.  And I forgot to mention that the fun part about doing a "bachelor dance" on stage is that you get to put this guy in pain-(dump ice on his crotch, beat him with his own belt, etc.) and you're getting paid for it.  All the girls are just watching the clock like you do at any other job waiting to go home.  We don't really care about golf scores-(most of us don't even know what a good score would be anyway), we don't care how big a guy's boat is, or how much money he makes- all we care about is how much of his money we're going home with, and how much B.S. we have to listen to and put up with to get it.  And one more thing: most strippers are not that attractive.  I did it when I was 18-21 years old-(I'm 26 now), and most of the women I worked with were in their late 20's, and the looked like they were in their early 30's because they lived hard lives.  Strippers have cellulite, stretch marks-(many of them have had children), and all the other physical flaws of other women.  Guys just don't usually talk about that stuff.  To be honest, I don't want my future husband having a stripper at his bachelor party, but it's not because I'm worried about him being more attracted to her, or him doing anything wrong, it's because he doesn't want one, and it's a TOTAL waste of money, but if his friends are taking care of the bill, then whatever, help some girl pay her rent, and feed her kids, I don't care.  You have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to worry about!

Answer 13

if it makes you this unhappy, he shouldn't be going. think of the way your marriage will be if he does major things like this when you don't like it. if he loves you, he should only think about you and a bunch of half naked women aren't going to make that easy for him.

Answer 14

He might be going to a strip club, but he's still marrying you, right? He loves you, but he may not want to disappoint his friends on his last hurrah as a 'single' guy. I wouldn't worry about it. If he has good friends, there's no way they'd let him do anything close to stupid while he's there. Not to mention, he wouldn't do it anyway. I know it sucks, but just try to let this one go. It's only one night in the rest of your life.

Good luck

Answer 15

You don't have to be okay with it, and it's only natural that you feel uncomfortable... but you shouldn't deprive him of THE bachelor party that all future husbands are entitled to.

If you trust him and know he won't cheat, then you are just being selfish. And if you don't want to let him go because you think he'll cheat than this party is the least of your troubles down the line.

Party like a rockstar at YOUR bachelorette party - and you'll be having so much fun you won't even care.

The only thing you should be worrying about is the wedding day and the beginning of the rest of your lives together.

Congrats!

Answer 16

I wouldn't be okay with it either. That whole little "tradition" is so contradictory to me! It never made sense to me as to why some couples (yes, women included) would want to celebrate the fact that they're marrying the love of their life by having some naked stranger dance on them for dollar bills.

Perhaps you could take the planner of the bachelor party to the side and explain your feelings. "[Planner], I really appreciate you setting up a guy's night for [Groom-to-be]. It's very nice of you! However, I really do feel uncomfortable with the idea of strippers. It's not a trust issue, I just don't feel comfortable with it. Instead, why don't you all go out for a round of golf, or to [Local Safe Bar] for some drinks? Like I said, I really just don't like the idea of strippers and I know [Groom-to-be] probably wouldn't enjoy the thought of naked men dancing one me, LOL!" If the planner truly cares about you and your husband-to-be, he'll take your feelings into consideration and the silly stripper idea will be out the window.

Good luck!

Answer 17

First of all - thats his last day as a single guy, let him and his friends do whatever they want for the last time, second of all, he can't do anything sexual at the strip club, he can't even touch the strippers and I'm sure if he loves you he won't even be comfortable around them. But you could also say to him that for your party you're gonna hire some male strippers or go to a male strip club with your girls, see how he will react. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with it as long as he won't do it constantly with his friends.

Answer 18

I completely understand and agree with you.

Maybe, to put it in perspective for him, mention that your MOH is planning a bachelorette party for you at a male strip club, or something of that equivalent... and just see how that goes. You wouldn't have to actually do that, but maybe it would help put things in perspective for him?