How do deal with the stress of deceitful, cheating men?

Question

Met a guy online for NSA s*x meetings, he said it was his birthday and wanted a treat...sounded like fun!!! Saying that I was nervous about meeting someone I don't know but I felt too bad to let him down on his birthday night plus deep down i was looking forward to doing all the things we had spoken about. We went to a hotel, had a great night, we clicked,had some passionate s*x and foreplay as well as nice conversations. We woke up at 8am, he said he was off to a drive thru 2 minutes up the road to get some breakfast, asked if I wanted anything but I didn't and went back to bed. Woke up an hour later and he wasn't back! I called 3 times , he didn't pick up so I left a message saying he's rude and how he left his phone charger like an idiot so his quick getaway failed. I got up and left, on my way back I got a phonecall from his.... WIFE and the mother of his 2 children.....wife? children? I never knew about them... She had heard my voicemail and asked who I was and how I knew him. She was obviously hurt, but I answered her questions about what we had done as she didn't deserve to be lied to. I was so angry with him especially since I was not in anyway aware that he was even seeing anyone let alone married, I felt so bad for her and the children especially because that happened in my family as a kid. She was very sweet and understanding, and as I apologised she said how I should feel no personal guilt as if it wasn't me it would have been someone else and that because it was the second time he'd been caught cheating that she was divorcing him. He called me to try and convince me to lie but I could never do that to another female because deep down I can't help but feel dirty knowing I slept with a married man and to lie about it is even worse. I just don't know how to get it out of my head, what if I've broken up a family? I obviously want nothing to do with him and he's aware of that but even though I know it may seem trivial or self centred but I feel really c**p.

How can I cheer myself up?

Thanks

Answer 1

I skimmed through your post but honey, come on.

No strings attached s*x?!?!?!

Did you expect to meet Jesus Christ or something?

Answer 2

i tried to e-mail you privately, cause i didn't want folks to read my comment in case they were a bit harsh. look it is not your fault. he cheated. you didn't even know about his wife. he took vows with her not you. she forgave you, God will forgive you if you ask, all that is left is for you to forgive yourself.

you should not go around meeting people you don't know and having s*x with them. He could have had aids, or been a serial killer. you got off easy this time. make sure that you are not pregnant.try to treat yourself as the precious jewel that you are and not just let any old body touch it. make sure that a man is worthy of you. make sure you know him, his marital status, his aids status, his employment status, criminal record status, where he lives, his family, friends, etc.become part of each others lives, hopes and dreams. also don't have s*x with a man that just treats you like a piece of tail. you are better than that. try repenting, going to church, and asking God to send you a husband.

Answer 3

You did the right thing.  It may not feel like it now but you did that woman a favor and her children too.  He is a cheater and a liar.  Think long and hard before you hook up for anymore NSA s*x meetings. I believe you do have morals about you, and if he had been honest about being married it never would have happened with him.  

Answer 4

HE broke his family, not you. HE made vows to this woman, not you. If you truly didn't know he was married, you have nothing to feel guilty about. This man doesn't respect his wife, and their marriage would have ended with or without you.

Answer 5

PLEASE.  You're hooking up with some random dude you met online for a s***w?  And you REALLY thought he was single?  Was that your criteria seeing as you're SO discriminating with your partners?  LOL!

BTW he ditched you because you're Coyote Ugly.  He was probably hammered when he screwed you & sober in the morning.  

Answer 6

The biggest thing here is hopefully you learne a valuable life lesson here and will never repeat it. Not everything appears as it seems and married men do lie to achieve their desires and dont care who they hurt. The only bad part here is there is no way to tell if a guy is telling the truth or not so you could be duped again but trust your gut instinct and not your heart, and hopefully it wont. The world is full of idiots like this guy looking for girls who will fall for his ploy. Let this die,hes about to get what he deserves from his wife, learn and move on. You did nothing to blame youself for here

Answer 7

take this as a learning experience.  Sleeping with someone that you dont even know can be very risky and also harming to yourself!  You owe yourself more than that.

Answer 8

it's hard to feel sorry for someone like you.  

Answer 9

The only thing you did wrong, was go to bed with someone you really didn't know.  Other than that, you did everything right.  Telling his wife was doing her a great favor.  She can dump his sorry butt, make him pay child support and alimony, and find herself a good man.  As for you, you should feel no guilt, you had no idea he was married.  His marriage is his responsibility, not yours.  He's the one who should be feeling guilty.  I would have to say that this probably happened for a reason.  This time it was some lying, cheating, married man.  Next time you might come across something more dangerous, don't sleep with guys you don't know.

Answer 10

Like the wife said, if it wasn't you it would have been someone else and she knew he had done it before.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.  If you see him again, kick is A&& and move on.

Answer 11

You just learned something new.  Anytime a man is going on about wanting s*x and meeting up, there is 50/50 chance he is married period anytime.  If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't.  If he seems secretive and your putting your heart out there, be careful because he's probably married or in a relationship.  You didn't break any family up, he did it all on his own.  Even in the event (and we know this is not true) you did know he was married, he is the one who cheated on his spouse, you, however, did not.  There's no reason to feel guilty here.  At least the wife finally got to hear the truth from someone.    

Answer 12

Although this sucks in so many ways you can not blame your self for this mans actions he knew he was married with childeren and if you knew you wouldn't have been there right?

Answer 13

if u had known he was married u wouldnt go together. i dont want to believe this. u would go and then u would not have called him again. just for one night why not. if u like him why not so his wife find out this never ever. please be careful next time.

Answer 14

don't blame yourself for someone else's infidelity. It is his problem and is on his shoulders. It was not intentional. Just block it out that way.