How do feel about "Gotcha! Days"?

Question

I read an artical about celebrating the day a child's adoption is official - like a birthday. Just wondering what people think of this...

Answer 1

I think that for the adoption day/homecoming day/gotcha day (or whatever terminology you want to use)  to be a celebration day, it should be up to the adoptees.  

Some adoptess don't like marking that day, others do.  

So, it's a matter of personal preference.

Answer 2

What an unfortunate term!  Sounds like you just trapped an animal - blech.

Nah, my adoptive parents never had a day to celebrate me losing my mother, my family and my heritage.   We just had birthdays like any normal people :)

Answer 3

We do not celeberate "gotcha" day.  When the children were placed, that date is special really to my husband and I and we will celebrate in silence.  To our children we know that signalled a day of loss, the final step in losing parents of origin, and also losing a foster mom who had taken care of them for two years.  They have adjusted fine, but not a day we celebrate with them.  The date of the finalization in about six months, that will be a celebration day, but in no way would we call it "gotcha" day.  We plan to call it family _____ (insert our last name) day.

Answer 4

The term gotcha makes me think of someone snatching up a child and yelling I GOTCHA NOW! I think this practice is barfy. What a grand way to say to a child "you really aren't ours but we gotcha all the same". It has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with the adults wanting another reason to celebrate them getting what THEY wanted.

Answer 5

it's quite tacky.

why not just celebrate the child's birthday, and not all this crazy conjoured up c**p.

Answer 6

I personally hate the term "Gotcha Day."    It was a slang term that somehow evolved into more than that, and I've never used it with my children.

However, we do celebrate their adoption anniversaries each year, with dinner at the restaurant of their choice, and a gift.  This may be different in international adoption than it is in domestic adoption, because my Chinese daughters do not really know their true birth dates.  All three of them were abandoned, and assigned birth dates by the orphanage staff.

While we do celebrate their birthdays according to the dates on their Chinese paperwork, we all know that it's possible that these are not their "real" birthdates.  But we DO know the official dates when we became a family, and the girls love having this other special day during the year.

Answer 7

I think that it should not be celebrated every year because i would rather have my child feel as though they we mine even before official adoption.

Answer 8

I think that aside from the term "Gotcha Day,"  the day our children joined our family is a day that our family enjoys remembering with them. In our home it is not celebrated like a birthday. We choose to remember that day by doing the things that we did on that first day together. For our daughter that is french fries at McDonalds and for our son it is going out for noodles. Our daughter likes to look at photos and video and our son could care less. I do take a photo of them on that day so we can record how much they have changed over the last year just as we do at Christmas, Easter, Birthdays ...

I suppose that if in the future they choose to not celebrate it, that will be their choice. Until then, I am very much enjoying spending those days remembering the anniversaries of when our little blessings joined our family.

Answer 9

Some adoptees hate celebrating their birthdays because it was the day (for some) that they lost their biological family, heritage, etc, etc.

If birthdays aren't popular with some adoptees, can you imagine how unpopular Gotcha Days are?!

Its bad enough with the adoption industry treating kids like commodities. We don't need parents doing it too every year of our lives.

Answer 10

i hate the term "gotcha day". sometime thoughout the year my family had what was called family day, where i could choose something to do and i would get presents.

Answer 11

I think that'd be a day to celebrate, wouldn't it? In the culture I live in, they don' t celebrate birthdays. I celebrate because I'm a mother, and having a child is a gift from God. I'd say adoption is just as special a gift.

Answer 12

I like the idea of celebrating the day that someone joins your family but "Gotcha!" sounds creepy to me...

Answer 13

I celebrate the days in which I first met my son; went to the US Embassy in Guatemala with my son; and the day we landed in the United States.  I don't call it "gotcha day", but I do celebrate him coming into my life.  When my son asks not to celebrate anymore, I won't.

Answer 14

I don't call it Gotcha Day (I think that sounds awful), but we did celebrate the first anniversary of the day we brought our son home. He and I were in another state visiting my parents and sister and her family, and my mom got a cake for my son that said "One Year in our Family" on it. I thought it was lovely. My 4 year old nephew and 1 year old niece had just celebrated their birthdays the week before, so it was nice for my son to get a cake too. I don't think he would have felt left out otherwise, but this way we celebrated all three of my parents' grandchildren during our visit to their state. My son has been in the family for almost five years and I acknowledge the day we brought him home now but we don't have a party or anything. We celebrate his birthday, but not "Gotcha Day." Ugh.

Answer 15

As an adoptee - I can't stand 'Gotcha Days'.

It's just one more day to make an adoptee feel as if they're not a normal family member.

ETA: oh - and to those that say - 'Oh, I'll stop when my little adoptee tells me to stop' - ummmm - newsflash - they won't.

Adoptees don't want to be rejected again - so they'll look and act just like you want them too.

I think celebrating the severing of ties from the child's first family just uncalled for.

These type of celebrations are usually because the adoptive parents are all happy.

That's fine.

But why make everyone else celebrate that in a major way - especially when adoption is so complex - and really - it could be hurtful - but no adoptee is going to tell you that when they're young.

How about exchanging gifts between parents. It's mostly your joy that you want to celebrate.

No adoptee wants to upset their adoptive parents.

They want to love and honour all their families.

Allow them.

Don't make adoptees take sides.

It is not fair.

Answer 16

Hi MamaKt,

Ugh! "Gotcha Days."  Whoever started "Gotcha" you can be certain they were not an adoptee. For those not familiar, it refers to the nickname some adoptive parents call the day they "got" their adopted children. They celebrate it anually by doing things with the children. Other adoptive parents call that day "adoption day." Still others, do not celebrate that day at all.

The term “Gotcha Day” seems to have been coined recently, with the first International Gotcha Day having been celebrated September 15, 2005, declared so by Margaret Schwartz. Yet the term has already “become thoroughly entrenched in adoption-speak,” writes Karen Moline, author of "Get Rid of Gotcha." She goes on to say "I find the use of "gotcha" to describe the act of adoption both astonishing and offensive. Aside from being parent-centered ("C'mere, little orphan, I gotcha now!") it smacks of acquiring a possession, not welcoming a new person into your life."

Anybody seriously interested in knowing more about Gotcha Day and the connotations of it should read her full article http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles...

Some adoptive parents say the phrase is cute and endearing – a “warmer, friendlier” version of “adoption day.” Those who dislike “Gotcha Day” call it “crude, ill-mannered, inappropriate and cheap” – “insufficient for expressing the importance of a child’s homecoming.”

Most adoptees, myself included, find the term offensive. Thank goodness it wasn't around when we were growing up. I believe the wishes of the adoptee should be considered before adoptive parents decide to call it "gotcha day," if indeed they feel the need to celebrate that day at all, since that day also represents a loss to the adoptee.  Thanks for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 17

Oh yea lets celebrate "give our child away day!" Wheres the cake? Please