How do i approach an old friend about her daughters walking and legs?

Question

When i first had my son me and this friend used to do a lot together. But over the past year we have completely drifted as she is quite insulting and kept calling my son a fat *** and so fourth, and i told her she needs to stop which she replied she was joking, so i distance myself from her as I do not need people like that around me. Any way I saw this friend today and we walked around for 10 or 15 minutes in the shopping centre. Immediately when I looked at her daughter who was wearing shorts you could see her legs where not right. She walks by swinging her legs around and not bending the knee and putting her foot forward one in front of the other. Not to be rude but almost how a monkey or gorilla would walk. She can not run, nor can she walk very fast. Her and my son are around the same age 2 1/2. (The daughter is 3 or 4 months older then my son) and she was struggling to keep up with his pace of walking. I do not know how to let my friend know this without her thinking I'm only saying it as a retaliation to her saying those things to my son. Also she never taken the baby for check ups, or to be immunise. help!! Her baby is clearly suffering. How do i approach her? I do not want to offend her and then out of being stubborn she refuses to go doctors, becasue she is the kind of girl that is like "do not tell me nothing when it comes to my baby" even if you are just trying to point out something that needs immidiate attention.

Answer 1

Yes call social servies anonymously  

Answer 2

How do you know her child has never had a check up? Maybe the mother is quite aware of the situation, obviously she isn't blind. Perhaps she doesn't like to talk about it because its a sore spot for her. I had a handicap and my mother didn't like to talk about it, period.

MYODB

Answer 3

This girl obviously needs to be in physical therapy, but you don't have to go to the police, yet.  With any special need child the sooner the treatment the better.  You have to suck it up and talk to her.  You may loose a friend in the process, but it is worth it if you save a child from a life long disabillity.  Even if you just plant a seed of thought in her head.  When it comes to kids they have to come first.

Answer 4

This is serious.  You need to call social services.  She is being neglectful as a parent.  If she isn't taking her daughter in for medical check ups, she is being an abusive parent.  Maybe not physically, but by making her daughter suffer medically.  Call social services and you can always file an anonamous report.  She doesn't need to know that you called.  They will be able to at least get the baby the help she needs.  Trust me, the baby would thank you for it.  

Answer 5

my niece used to walk like that she has cp and has to have daily therapy because my stupid sister would not do any thing the longer this waits the worse it gets call cps as a concerned citizen and say you believe the child needs medical attention you can tell them you know she does not have any well baby check ups or shots but dont tell them how you know they will at the very least come and look at the little girl and will then give mom a choice take her to the doc or we will

Answer 6

how about you have a little play date and while your both sitting there watching the kids point it out. just be like "i'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything but have you gotten your daughter checked out for her legs and walking?" and if she goes off the handle well then there's nothing you can do. but if she listens then she does. all you can do is try.  

Answer 7

Report her to the authorities.  For her child not to have regular check-ups is neglect.  This child definitely needs someone to step in on her behalf.

Answer 8

hi there, new to this but as a mother i have a little experience. are you sure thar she has not taken her for check ups etc - before you report her, you mentioned that you had lost touch for a while, thats why i ask. is she short for her age? (it could be condraplasia) if your heart is crying there is something wrong then stay in touch with her and the little girl and you will know as a mother if there is abuse or a "hidden shame" about a diagnosed problem. some people can be so ignorantly cruel, and sometimes its a defence mechanism for their own faults or the perceived faults of their children. keep a level head, your heart will know if something is seriously wrong - avoiding checkups doesnt go unnoticed easily. ask a couple of questions about  the doctors practice policy regarding children to help ease your mind (eg would they be too busy to notice that a child has missed checkups and what would they do if they did notice) hope this helps and good luck. Anything regarding children is a toughy!  

Answer 9

do u have a mutual friend or her mum u could ask to see if anything has been done.

it may be that the little girl is having something done about it but ur friend didnt want to tell u.

if not u need to tell her and still if nothing gets done see a social worker, its not fair on the little one to go through this just cos her mum dosent want to recognise it

Answer 10

well she needs to be taking her for regular check ups and if you are concerned about the childs well being then a call to CPS may help.

I dont think you need to point out about her childs legs and walking,im sure she has noticed and if she is how you say she is, she is just gonna be mad, and wont do anything about it anyways. I feel for the child, but with an attitude like hers, there isnt much you can do, but the authorities may be able to help.

Answer 11

I agree with that 2nd post.

"So, Mary, what did the doctor tell you about her walking?".  Yea, she might get defensive, but who cares.

Answer 12

"What did the doctor say about her legs?" if you want to be blunt and up front about it and not have to tread on eggshells.

Failing that, it wont be much longer before she starts nursery and someone there will notice if it is a problem for sure.

Answer 13

DO RESEARCH ON WHAT WOULD CAUSE THIS AND WHAT DAMAGES IT WILL CAUSE!!!! THEN TAKE IT TO HER AND EXPLAIN WHAT U SAW AND SHOW HER THE INFORMATION BUT IF SHE STILL REFUSES THEN U DID UR PART AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE HER WAY OF THINKING THEN AND SHE NEEDS HELP

Answer 14

I would say something like, "it looks to me that she has an unusual gait, has anybody ever said anything about it?"

Answer 15

I agree with the others on the board and say report her to Social Services.  She's not going to listen to you and it is neglect to never take her to the doctor.  She's probably done irreversible damage to that baby's legs and that can't be ignored.  This goes beyond a friendly conversation.  She needs to held accountable for either being ignorant of the problem or ignoring the problem.  Either way, it's going to take someone in authority to do it, not you.

Answer 16

its a bit of a pickle but i would do sum research and try and persuade her by telling her the consequences of not going for a check up. lf not threaten to call social services as a last resort