How do i ask my husband if he was faithful on his deployment?

Question

My husband is coming home next month from a short tour. He has given me absolutely no reason to think he has cheated, but I really want to ask him just to make sure. However, I really dont want to offend him. What is a delicate way that I could bring this up without causing an argument?

Answer 1

depends where he has been

if he has been to iraq or afganistan

I wouldn't worry

Hairy very hairy

ewwww

I really wouldnt ask

\ask him about the trouble the other guys get in that is always entertaining!!!

Answer 2

There is no way to bring it up nicely. Even if you try he will know exactly what you are hinting at and will probably be offended.

But, why bother asking? You are going to believe how you feel in your heart regardless of what he says. If he says 'no'. you will just think he is lying. If you trusted him you wouldn't be asking this in the first place. Then you will have to find a way to ask him if he is lying.

Trust him and don't worry about it.

Answer 3

are we talking about Iraq deployment here?  cause I am not so sure there is much fraternizing with the local women going on in that country.  The bottomline is that you are not likely to find out something like this by asking.  Cheating is a dishonnest act, and you are simply likely to get a dishonnest answer if you ask.

the key is to make sure that you know your spouse and that you believe that you have mutual trust enough that you should not have to ask such a question.  The real question is whether when your husband is around if you have any reason to believe he is cheating on you then...for if he will do it at home, he may do it while overseas.

Answer 4

That may be a subject better left alone.  If he thinks you are thinking this way each time he may be out, it may make him a bit uneasy, especially if he hasn't been unfaithful.  Leave well enough alone...sometimes, not knowing if the best answer!!

Answer 5

If you trust him then why ask him.  I have been married for almost 10 years and I have never once doubted that my hubby has ever cheated on me while on deployment.  I have never asked.  That is almost a slap in the face.

You know if he asked you the same question you would get offended wouldn't you?  I know I would if my hubby asked me that question out of the blue with no reason to speculate.

I can't believe you would want to ask him something like after he has been doing the job he has been doing.  If you ask him that you are always going to make him wonder now.

I would not ask him anything and enjoy the time he is home

Answer 6

He has been gone for a year or so on a combat tour and the one thing you have uppermost in your mind is wondering if he cheated on you?  Are you serious?  How selfish, shallow, and inconsiderate can you be?  If he has NOT given you a reason to think he has cheated, why press the issue and risk raising an issue for yourself.  What I mean is, if you go ahead and ask that, he is gonna definately wonder what you have been up to.  Kind of a guilty inquiry on your part.  I dont think you should ask that unless you are ready to deal with the issue ten fold.

Answer 7

if u start itching or have a bad discharge u will know for sure

Answer 8

I have gone threw a few deployments as a military wife. There are always going to be gaps that need filling when they return home. If you are concerned that he has cheated on you then you need to clear that up as soon as possible. If not it will only cause a giant void between you two. If you are afraid to bluntly ask then try a different approach. Like tell him you heard of a couple that faced that struggle. Ask him what he thinks about men who cheat on deployment. By his reaction and response you should be able to tell. This way you aren’t asking him if he has done anything and not putting him on the spot. He wont feel attacked and might open up more to you. Try not to force communication till he is ready. I don’t know a man that likes 20 questions, lol..  

Answer 9

It would be very offensive if you asked him. When you are married you are supposed to trust one another, he has given you no reason to even believe he has cheated right?

Also it makes you look very insecure if you ask him. Don't do it, it is insulting to him -  just be happy you 2 are together and home.

Answer 10

Haha, yeah, I know how that burning question feels to a military wife.  I am one.  My husband is in the Navy and, well, lets just say that before we were married and while we were dating, he really liked it when the ship pulled into port in Thailand for R&R.  Icky.  That's just nasty, blech.  Anyways, he's been on shore duty since then, but he goes back on sea duty next year, and while I trust him, and he's changed a lot since then, ya still kinda wonder....  

Watch his body language.  Talk to some of his buddies that he hangs around with whom you know very well (that's how I found out about the ones while we were dating).  Ask him.  He'll probably lie like mine did, but eventually, the truth will come out.  What goes around comes around.  I learned it from a friend of his who he hangs out with all of the time and he is also a friend of mine and I was just kinda venting to him one day and he said that yes, my husband had slept with prostitutes in Thailand and Australia on deployment and then after he knew that I knew (I didn't tell him how I found out, and he still has no idea how I found out), he finally fessed up to it.  Dissapointing, yes, but at least we weren't married.  I'm hoping that he's changed enough this time around when he goes back to sea duty that he'll be able to resist the temptation.  Good luck hon... it's a tough spot to be in, and no one really understands unless they've been there.  

Answer 11

You don't!!

You need to trust your husband.  Marriage is built on trust.  If you can't trust him, there's not much left.

If he had an affair, either he'll tell you out of guilt or he won't.  Asking him isn't going to change whether he's going to tell you or not.  Just trust him that he'll bring it up if it was a problem.

Answer 12

Ask him in a joking manner "So how many whores did you bang while you were gone?" and observe his body language.  If he stiffens up, gets tense or darts his eyes then you have something to worry about.  If he is innocent he will just laugh it off.

Answer 13

be honest.  ask point blank.  but give the boy a little space first.  and don't be accusatory.

add:  i do like the first answer.

Answer 14

If he gives you no reason to think so, then why even bring up the subject?  Be glad that he'll be home and that he's safe.