How do i ask my mom about this? Adoption question?

Question

How can i ask my mom if she was allowed to name my sister she placced for adoption or if she was not allowed to name her and if she was not what mom was going to name her?

Answer 1

Why do you want to know?

If your sister was adopted right out of the hospital, your mom probably didn't name her.  She probably has a birth certificate that reads "Baby Girl (las name)".  Naming a child that will be placed for adoption probably makes the separation tougher.

Answer 2

Just ask. But do it gently... maybe preface it by saying, "Mom, I'm not trying to pry or to drag up bad memories for you, but there's something I'd really like to know..." Gently remind her that this is your sister--your family member, too.

Be prepared, though... there are so many possibilities. Your mom might not remember, for one. Quite a few moms who relinquished children developed PTSD as a result, and PTSD can cause memories to go missing. Or she might remember, but be unwilling to talk about it if it's extremely sad/hard for her.

Then again, she might be willing and able to talk about it (I hope so!). If so, it could be that she named your sister, but that your sister was then re-named at the adoption finalization. It could be she simply never named her, was never given that opportunity/told she had that right. Or it could be that she named her in her heart/mind, but never officially filled out a name on the birth certificate.

No matter what, the practical value of knowing your sister's original name is limited... in almost all states adoptees' orginal birth certificates are sealed upon the adoption finalization, so there is probably no record of the original name that you (or your sister, or your mom) can actually see. Knowing her birth name won't help you search for her much, if at all (if that's why you're asking). And if your mother had no contact with the adoptive parents, she may not have any idea what the adoptive parents renamed her.

Good luck. I hope you get your questions answered.

Answer 3

I think you should just ask her like you just asked. Say "Hey mom, I was just wondering....". I dont think she would have a problem sharing that information with you. Hope all goes well.

Answer 4

just ask her its not a big deal,...

she will understand

and will probably be happy you are intrested