How do i bond with my new born(just adopted)?

Question

Our adopted baby girl of 6 months just came home. She has lost her birth mother recently and their is no birth father in the picture.

I am looking for advise to bond with our new born.

I have read the following:

1) co-sleep- share our bed

2) staying 24 hours as close as possible. I will quit work now.

3) Take baths together.

4) put my face close to her and sing.

Any more tips plz. :-D

Very excited to have our little babykins.

Answer 1

Congratulations!

Provide a quiet, low stim. environment. Do NOT introduce relatives for at least two weeks. Spend time as a family.

Use physical contact and your voice to bond but do not co-sleep. The only safe place for your baby to sleep is her own uncluttered crib.

She is old enough to need lots of play and fresh air but do that in your yard in order to give her time to be with you and you alone. Create a peaceful, warm environment and enjoy her.

Answer 2

Eye contact

Skin to skin contact

Rocking as in a chair (this wires up the brain and deters attachment issues.

Look this up on the Web...Adoption Gateway is a great place to start.

I think you are on the right track!!

Answer 3

I'm sorry about your baby's birth mother, at least she has you now to love her.

It sounds like you are doing a good job already.

Answer 4

Definately stay with her as much as possible.

In her mind - she's confused about where her first mother has gone.

Like Gersh said - talk to her - say how sad you are that she lost her mother - and her father.

Here's some tips from a great parenting site -

http://www.quantumparenting.com/articles...

Also - do try and gain as much info/photos etc from her bio parents and extended family.

They are a very important part of her.

All the best.

Answer 5

Make a lot of physical contact with her, show her you love her a lot, spend time with her. :D

Answer 6

Co-sleeping is dangerous.  Do not do it.  

Love her, feed her, nurture her, play with her, smile with her, and take care of her and love her, just as if you gave birh to her.

Always be honest about adopting her.  Lying to her will eventually blow up in your face.  You don't need to be explicit with bad details, just be honest in a positive way.  Follow her lead with what she likes, and doesn't like.  Build her self confidence.  Don't expect miracles the first few weeks.  She's going through an entire life change now.  

Take care of yourself also.  If you aren't getting a good night's sleep, and occassionally having a moment to yourself, you can't be a great parent.  Moms and Dads need to have a little time themselves, and some intimate time together also.

Classical music, and nature sounds playing like white noise in the background are great.  Time them where they'll go off after she's asleep.  Thi is not ony soothing, but produces a chemical in a child's brain that helps with intelligence and dealing with stress (according to my son's pediatrician and my experience with kids).  

I wouldn't bathe with her, because some kids get really stressed out.  Perhaps if you're in the tub, and your husband is there with her, and she wants in, then do it, but not just out of the blue.

Be aware she's going to have adjustments, sleep adjustments, and she might cry for what doesn't seem like any reason to you, but it is to her (she will probably be missing her 1st mom and her surroundings.)

Congratulations, and good luck!  

Answer 7

How did she "lose" her mother?

Answer 8

I'd add: wear your baby most of the day.  Get a sling, or a mei tai and strap your baby to you all day long.  Just like families in traditional cultures do.  It helps your baby feel secure.

Answer 9

This may sound weird, but hold her close and validate her mothers loss to her. Let her know that you know she's crying for her mother and that she misses her and its okay. She will feel your energy of acceptance of her, where she is at, and it will help her heal.

Visit some of the links on this blog:

http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com

co sleeping is NOT dangerous, its wonderful, I have co-slept with my children for their entire lives, its healthy and natural. Read Dr. Sears.

Cribs are unnatural and dangerous to the mental development of children. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE LEFT IN A CAGE TO SLEEP IN? Co sleeping ISN'T dangerous. Its NATURAL and helps children feel at ease while they sleep, they know their parents are right there with them.

Answer 10

You sound like you are doing all the right things..Just keep her close to you..Good job, and I am so happy for you!!

Answer 11

just be the one who nurtures her and provides for her and she should form that attachment to you...and you to her.

good luck! it sounds like you are on the right path...

Answer 12

Don't have much new to add.  You've gotten good advice and you're already on the right track.  Validate her loss verbally as Gershom said. Feed each other finger food.  Lots of eye contact games-  Peekaboo, patty cake, etc.  Bottle feed longer than you would a biological child - don't let a pediatritian tell you no bottles after a year.  You can work on developmental things like a sippy cup, etc. and still let her have bottle time and other "baby" time.  She will need more "baby time" with you.  I also agree that co-sleeping can be done safely. It's wonderful for attachment.