How do i convince my family to let me get back surgery?

Question

I really want/need back surgery done for my scoliosis but my grandparents and mom don't want to have anything to do with it. I'm only 16 so i'm pretty sure i have no legal say in the matter until i'm 18 but i so badly wish i did. They want me to keep trying to correct it the non-surgical way through braces and exercise but i have been messing with this stuff for about six years and i have had enough. Anyways sooner or later i'm going to need the surgery anyways because of the severity of the curve. The last time i had and x-ray the curve in my middle/lower back was 62 degrees but it's probably worse now. I have done all my research and know every pro and con to this surgery and they know that but still think that i'm just being irrational and not thinking anything through.

Please help me! How do i convince these crazy people to let me have the d**n surgery?

Answer 1

Call child protective services.

Yeah...

That's not cool at all..

Its your body and at 16 you and your dotor should know what is right for your self.

Answer 2

so just to let you know.. my parents wont let my sister get it either. only because its a really serious operation. if you are able to live your life.. with a brace? normally without the operation.. then you should try it.

i think you need to do more research about the surgery.. its really extensive

Answer 3

Well the first questions you have to ask yourself is "have i really tryed everything i can try before surgery" NOT all surgerys work, and ALOT of the time people run into doing surgery because they think it is the easy way out.

I can totally understand why your grandparents and mom are scared, its a really serious surgery.. But then again they need to understand that its not them going through the problem, its YOU..

If your really wanting to do the surgery and are convinced its what you need to do, get your dr to help you talk to them (that is if the dr is convinced its what you need) sit them down and explain to them that its really hard for you to live with this, and that its your body and they are not the ones having to live with this. tell them as your family you would like them to support you because you would do the same for them..

Answer 4

Well, let's see.

Your curve is too great for bracing.  Bracing is effective only on 25-40 degree curves.

Chiropractors, message therapists, acupuncturists, etc., can't fix idiopathic scoliosis. These people adjust the soft, connective tissues and that may (or may not, you can't tell ahead of time) make you feel better, but remember, idiopathic scoliosis is not a connective tissue disease. Your spine is growing curved.

If your curve is greater than 30 degrees, it will most likely continue to slowly increase (mine did).

But, this *is* major surgery.  I could justify having it because I was done growing, I was in major pain, the curve was continuing to increase, I couldn't run, jump, play volleyball, etc., my body was using a great amount of energy supporting my torso so I was frequently physically tired, and my quality of life was down the tubes.

Are you in pain?  What is your quality of life like?  If you can put it off, it would be best because there are other effects of the operation.  A couple of examples are that a lot of people with fused spines get degenerated discs below the fusion.  Also you won't be able to be as active as you were before the fusion.  To this day, I'm still knocking my head when I get into a car.  (Btw, did you know that it takes a year before you've recovered enough to do many of the activities you did before the operation?  It takes two years before your spine is just about fully fused.)

So, be careful about calling your elders "crazy".  They have a lot of respect for the surgery and its effects.

Answer 5

A psychologist might be able to help you in this case. This is clearly stressing you out and your quality of life isn't as great as it could and should be. I suffered with back pain for 6 years so I totally understand how fed up you're feeling, and you shouldn't have to feel this way. Sometimes adults don't listen to kids because they feel they don't know anything, especially with something major like spinal surgery. However if you have your feelings validated and documented by a psychologist, they may be able to help your elders understand how important this is to you.

Answer 6

Is your Orthopedic doctor recommending surgery? If so you need to be your own advocate and start taken a more adult role in this decision. Try to talk to your doctor...call and directly ask to speak to him, email or write him letters until you get through to him. Ask him questions about your back and what needs to be done and ask him to put it all in writing, get copies of all your medical records. I don't know what your financial situation is but I'm assuming you are covered under your parents health insurance and that might change when you turn 18, depending on what they have. You have to start asking some uncomfortable questions because without health insurance you will have a difficult time getting the healthcare you need. A lot of health insurance plans pay 80% and the parents pay the rest, so it could be a financial issue. With all your medical records in hand you can go to your school counselor and nurse for advice on talking to your parents, maybe someone in the school will agree to mediate in a meeting with your parents so you can be heard. When an adult is not helpful just keep trying others. Maybe you can get you parents to agree to get a second opinion with another Scoliosis specialist, you would want to do that anyway, if you go through with this surgery you want the most experience Scoliosis surgeon in your region even if you have to travel a little. Try to show everybody your maturity in this matter to get your parents to see your point of view, maybe you can start my getting other family members to see your argument. If in the end you end up with a lot of medical evidence showing you need the surgery and your parents won't support you than you might have to call social services for help. You will have to have a pretty compelling argument for them to take you seriously, the doctor will have to put in writing that your condition is getting worse and will continue to get worse and you need this surgery soon and can not wait until you are 18, and what will happen to you if you do not have the surgery. I do not have a lot of knowledge about emancipation and what it takes to qualify, but you can become an emancipated minor and qualify for social services and medicaid. This is a hard road, usually teens from abusive homes qualify and they have to stay in school and prove they are mature. They are only covered under social services as long as they stay in school, I think it continues while they pursue higher education but at some point they have to pursue a job and obtain their own health insurance. As a person that had a spinal fusion let me say that I don't think it can be done without family support. Waking up from surgery will be the most helpless you will ever feel and you do not want to be alone, you'll need the people who love you around for a long time. It is a very painful recovery, I will not sugar coat it, they will give you strong pain medicine but sometimes the pain will break through before your next dose. There are videos of the surgery on the web, if you look at one of those videos remember your parents are afraid for you, you are their child and this is a major operation and all surgery is dangerous when going under anesthesia, the hospital has to warn your parents that you can die and they will be required to sign consent forms for hospital liability (that's a hard position for a parent to be in, it makes them question strongly the necessity for the surgery). It might help to try and see your parents point of view, are they worried for your ultimate well being, are they worried about money, is it a little of both? I hope that together you can find a compromise and seek a second opinion. I'm sorry you are going through this, people with Scoliosis have to grow up fast, you have to think about your longevity while other teenagers are not even thinking past this weekend. My doctor told me I had to have the surgery, my mother told me it was my decision, once I made the decision I started asking my doctor a lot of questions, up until then he only spoke to my mother. Tell your doctor all your concerns...Ask what happens to you if you don't have the surgery? what's expected to happen when you stop growing? what happens if you wait until your 18? what happens if you have no health insurance? You are on an information seeking quest...when you are in the exam room waiting for the doctor and a nurse or PA comes in...bombard them with questions too...do it right in front of your parents...it will shock them and show them that you are not a child anymore. Good luck, I hope I could be of some help.

P. S. I had a spinal fusion when I was 17, my mothers insurance covered 80%, she applied for help through Medicaid and they covered the rest. When I turned 18 I was no longer covered under my mother's health plan. My minimum wage job had no health benefits. When I tried to apply for Medicaid so I could see my orthopedic doctor I was told that I made too much money to qualify. A visit to my Orthopedi

Answer 7

print this off for them,and tell them you need the d**n surgery!maybe they are cheap,and have no insurance.or can't afford it.

maybe you will have to wait to your 18.with that day,comes all your freedom.

get the surgery,as long as you ahve the means.

seems like you are rational,and have thought it through.

i guess suck it up till then.maybe get good insurance,save money.

soudns liek you really need it.

maybe even organizations would donate money for it to you.

it could elave a sccar,but thats a small price if will drastically improve your way and comfort of life.

i