How do i deal with my friends' kid?

Question

She's 12, gonna be 13 in October. She is spoiled and unwashed. (What i mean by that is that her mother doesn't make her shower daily - and its rather rank!) I made a comment about it in front of my friend, who didn't say anything to me, until her daughter told me, "my mom says, 'if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say it at all'." And my friend told me to stop being mean. And i said, well, im not being mean, im being honest.

I know she's not my kid, but when my friend wants me to go to the doctors with her, and she brings her daughter, and i decide to ditch them because i don't want to SMELL HER, how can she get mad at me?

Answer 1

OMGoodness!! That is gross! If this person is truly your friend then you should be able to pull her aside and talk to her about it! If you cant talk to her and be honest with her about the smell of her child then what kind of friend is that? She may not like what you have to say but she wont be able to deny your concern. If it doesnt get better than I guess you'll have to stop hanging out with her when her daughter is around.

I would try something along these lines...

"look Im your friend and I love you but I need to talk to you about this. I know you might not like to hear this and I know that if it were you saying it to me I prolly wouldnt either but you need to listen to me and hear what I am saying....your daughter is not clean and its really not healthy for her physically or psychologically....

Also I do not appreciate the way she talks to me.. I am an adult I deserve respect and if you are going to allow her to speak to me in this manner I am not going to be able to hang out with you when she is around. I wouldnt allow an adult to speak to me that way and I certainly wont allow a child to do it....."

Something along those lines....

Good luck thats a tough situation...you may be one friend short but again if she is really your friend then she'll hear you and listen to you!

~D~

Answer 2

That's a tough situation because anything you do will offend someone. I know it's "not your place" to tell her to take a shower. But if it's so bad that you can smell her, then kids at school probably can too and they'll be more "honest" with her than you've been.

When I was in high school, there was a 15 year old girl in my class whose mother was a hooker. She'd drop this girl (Ginger) off at a friend's house and not pick her up for days or weeks at a time. She had to wear the same outfit over and over again. She was always unbathed. Greasy hair. Hairy legs. Stunk to high heaven. Finally, a teacher (my mentor for many years) felt sorry for her. She went shopping and bought Ginger a pretty gift basket with shower gel, lotion, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, and face wash. She also got her a couple of new outfits so she'd have more than one. She gave them to her after school when no other kids were around to make fun of her. In this particular situation, it was an issue of child neglect. Really, the mother should've already been in jail for prostitution. She was arrested for neglect. I think Ginger might have been a little offended.... but she was so excited that someone thought enough about her to provide things she needed. Maybe you could go on a shopping spree to Bath & Body works? Buying her a gift is less offensive than telling her she smells like a pig.....

Answer 3

Gross! I would make her take a shower yourself if your friend won't! My step daughter is the same way she is going to be 11 in Oct and hardly ever takes a shower when she is at our home and never brushes her teeth. But if I say something to her dad about it he thinks I'm being mean to her! I just make her do it ! Make your friends daughter do it too! Good Luck.

Answer 4

I have a friend who does not use deodorant so she never taught her daughter to use it either. They both smell! During a recent vacation, I finally had to say something but went about it like......."Oh, I smell sweat.....*sniff*...no, not me, must be you." She's quite a "granola head" so she does not like to use anything and prefers to go about things "naturally". Well, "natural" is not working on her arm pits and she found an organic deodorant she now uses.......thank God!

I would tell your friend that her daughter smells and she is going to be shunned and made fun of if she does not bath daily. Flat out blunt!

Answer 5

sounds like the daughter has body odor quite common at that age i have a 15 year old daughter but she washes daily and is clean.

There is not a lot you can do but wait until the kid gets the mick taken pout of her at school for smelling that will be a wake up call

Answer 6

most  people dont want to hear the truth about their child if its not "oh its so precious". I knew a girl who's son would be dirty(in my opinion) when i would watch him. He was bathed regularly but his fingernails, toenails, and nose would often be dirty. I told the girl a few times she needed to clean his nails esp (he was 10 mos around that time) all he did was put his hands and feet in his mouth. I got tired of telling her so when i would watch him I would clean him on my own. If she doesn't want to accept the truth dont go anywhere with them I wouldn't. A true friend would tell her, if she doesn't get it let her no you're not going anywhere with her and her stank child.